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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
TIMERINE · 12/05/2007 18:18

I think you have every right to be upset! She has no right to MAKE you child say ANYTHING! I would be upset If a member of my family tried that hun! GAWD!!!! Grrrr!

handlemecarefully · 12/05/2007 18:18

I don't think this woman was mad..or even nasty. I suspect she didn't deliberately set out to upset you or dd. She is probably just inept / clueless with small children and certainly handled it badly. Not a crime as such but I can understand why you were upset.

If it were me I would have given her a withering look and said ' dd doesn't talk yet thanks' and walked out with nose aloft and dignity intact

Probably would have laughed about it with dh later. Certainly wouldn't brood over it!

Jennylee · 12/05/2007 18:17

yes I believe this child is from the U.K circa 2007 so what is your point?

Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 18:15

Plenty of cultures around the world don't have sweets and the children manage fine. Sweets are just unknown to them and not needed just as in the last war here when sugar was rationed although I accept unless you're going to move your children to a remote Welsh commune and home school them it's a bit hard to achieve a Japanese rural diet or whatever.

Flamesparrow · 12/05/2007 18:13

ffs - Xenia's comment has been said 100000 times about happy meals as "treats". Just because its her you all attack - its gettin more dull than cod bashing.

The woman in the shop was nasty though.

allgonebellyup · 12/05/2007 18:08

Xenia, you are being your usual helpful self again. Why dont you go somewhere far, far away??

Poor little girl!

And at what moondog described!

Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 17:41

So glad its not me just being over sensitive. I can see where some of you are coming from with the reward/sweets thing, however I know a family whos ds is very very rarely allowed sweets/chocolate etc and he has a very unhealthy attitude to all things denied. I would rather dd didn't have a huge feeling either way towards them ie yes she can have them as a treat and not something she eats everyday by any means.

Honestly i've seen this boy practically freak out when he saw a mum eating a snickers at m&b group. Before telling everyone who would listen how bad/naughty/unhealthy it was. He's 4

OP posts:
hatrick · 12/05/2007 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hilllary · 12/05/2007 17:25

YANBU I'd have had her

Its up to you what you give your child if it chocolate then great we all had it when we were little after all.

ChocolateFace · 12/05/2007 17:19

I knew this would turn into a 'you should give sweets as a reward thread', but thats not the point here. This mad old bag was just down right rude. Unfortunately there are mad old bags all over this country.

SpawnChorus · 12/05/2007 17:10

YANBU. Totally agree with coppertop. You should go in there again and force her to say thank you before handing over any money.

lucyellensmum · 12/05/2007 16:54

yes xenia, you are right, you shouldnt reward with sweets, it says so in all the baby books, it suggests you reward with time and attention instead. My dd is nearly two and her nan always buying her sweets, no big deal, she has a healthy diet.

moondog · 12/05/2007 16:47

Nowt wrong with giving kids a bit of what floats their boat.
I am chief superintendent of the MN food police and always have some chocolate stashes away to distribute when occasion merits it.

My kids ahve sweets so rarely they will do bloody anything for a few squares.

mamatres · 12/05/2007 16:45

what a horrible witch. i would complain if i were you. your poor dd. it makes me feel now as am thinking of my little 2 yo dd and how upset she would be too.

Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 16:42

We got of taken her swimming, not sure she'd of seen it as a treat, she goes twice a week

To be diplomatic though I can see where your coming from, but she did fab all week with her potty and a rice cake just wasn't going to cut it!

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 12/05/2007 16:25

Erm - I would have said it is paid for give it to me you stupid bitch!!

Aimsmum · 12/05/2007 16:23

Message withdrawn

Aimsmum · 12/05/2007 16:22

Message withdrawn

Elasticwoman · 12/05/2007 16:22

I agree it would be a bad idea for sweets always to be the reward.

moondog · 12/05/2007 16:21

lol at Xenia

Really horrid behaviour and unfortunately not uncommon.

In my work as a salt I regularly see teaching staff humiliate children with comunication problems.

The one that is seared into my brain is the wicked bitch who made a child with complex language problems stand up in a class of 30 children and order him to recite his name,address and age,most of which he got wrong as he was terrified.

She then proceeded to mock him even more.
It makes my heart pound to think of it 12 years later.

She is still teaching.

ChippyMinton · 12/05/2007 16:21

YANBU at all. What an old baggage! Anyway, since when do you say 'thank you' before you receive something? Surely it is offered, you take and then say thank you.

Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 16:18

We can agree to disagree. I'm sure it won't kill her but it does build up a pattern that sweets are a gorgeous lovely thing you get if you behave whereas instead they rot your teeth and are bad for her health and will make her fat and unhealthy so couldn't the treat be something else - like a trip swimming?

Elasticwoman · 12/05/2007 16:17

It is not the shop assistant's job to correct customers' manners and if I were you I'd write and complain to the manager, saying you are going to boycott that particular shop and advertise the fact on MN until you and dd get a full and unconditional apology.

I see where Xenia is coming from, about not making sweets and junk food a reward for good behaviour, but in this case it was the whole novelty of going into a shop and choosing it herself. That part of it was spoilt for your dd. I do not feel that chocolate is completely junk anyway as it contains zinc and iron. Yes ok it is mostly fat and sugar but a little bit of what you fancy ...

Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 16:16

is, even

OP posts:
Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 16:16

I chocolate unhealthy once a week?

OP posts: