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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not really liking my mum singing Christian songs to my baby?

159 replies

theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 12:45

I probably am being unreasonable, but i hate the way my mum sings Christian songs to my baby. he's only 4 months, so unlikely to be indoctrinated anytime soon, but i have made it clear to her on a couple of occasions that we won't be bringing up ds in a Christian faith or in any religion at all.

the problem is that by her own admission, she is on a "mission" to convert people. which includes me, dh and ds. i grew up really resenting my strict Christian upbringing and i don't want ds to do the same, especially since neither me or dh are Christian. also, when i realised how much of a swizz the whole Christianity thing was (when i was about 16) it took me a long time to trust other things my mum said, as after all if she was wrong on this major thing, she could easliy be wrong in other things too. i want ds to trust his grandmother and not have his childhood troubled like mine was.

dh and i have already agreed that if he wants to find out about religion when he's older then we will be fine with that, but i would like him to do it on his own terms, and not have it rammed down his throat from birth, however lovingly.

OP posts:
Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 13:13

rowan - i know! but it's so difficult getting through to her, because she's on this mission to convert everyone. it's also difficult because she seems to think that Christianity is the norm for most people, and if you're not Christian then you're not normal. or whatever. oh gawd - i dunno!

F&Z - that was kinda my point when i spoke to her. there are lots of songs without Christian themes, personally i sing the national anthem to him, along with anything else that comes into my head at the time because sometimes it's the only way i can get him to sleep, but my mum sings Christian songs to him specifically because they're Christian, not because she's trying to get him to sleep. IYSWIM.

OP posts:
fennel · 11/05/2007 13:12

My mum is also on a mission to convert my dds, she takes them to church and gets them prayed for specially. I do find this offensive as she knows we are atheists, so she's deliberately going against our views. But generally I let it go, as she doesn't look after them very often.

rowan1971 · 11/05/2007 13:11

Urban - your upbringing obviously feeds in to your having a strong reaction to this stuff, which is completely understandable. If it's really bothering you, then you have to find a way to make her understand that you really don't find it acceptable. She had her turn at indoctrinating her kids; it's up to you to bring up your kids, not her!

FrannyandZooey · 11/05/2007 13:10

"I would love to know how you can indoctrinate a 4 month old by singing to it"

So you reckon she is going to STOP when the child is old enough to understand? Really?

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 13:09

infact baptisms???? infant baptism, i meant!

OP posts:
Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 13:08

sorry, but am PSML at some of these responses. esp the DIY baptising. classic! my mum (fortunately) doesn't believe in infact baptism, so i reckon we're ok there.

FWIW - i don't think that singing Christian songs to him at this early stage is going to do him any harm at all - i just don't like it. like i said in the OP it probably is a bit unreasonable, but it makes my skin crawl. it's so happy clappy. brrr....

and Cod - i take your points, but i don't think my mum's likely to be singing the Hallelujah Chorus to him just yet. (i don't think...)

OP posts:
niceglasses · 11/05/2007 13:08

Ha Ha, my mum used to sing

'Come and join us
Come and join us
Come and join our happy band'

which is an old Sally Ann fav. She used to bang the tamborine as well. They all loved it. Still sing it now. No sign of impending religiosity though. Think you'll be okay.

vimfuego · 11/05/2007 13:05

I prefer the term "drive-by baptisms".

yaddayah · 11/05/2007 13:04

@ all these guerrilla baptisims

Swizzler · 11/05/2007 13:03

Wouldn't worry if uncle cam near DS with a cup of water - he's likely get bitten

Swizzler · 11/05/2007 13:01

DH's (eccentric) uncle baptised a load of cousins in their kitchen sa one of his sisters had decided against it ... she was rather cross...

App if a catholic you can do it under the kitchen tap.

rowan1971 · 11/05/2007 13:01

oooh, yaddayah, I suspect my mil of something very similar (DIY baptising)!However, she really believes that she has saved their immortal souls. I, on the other hand, believe that she has pointlessly fiddled about with some water, so generally regard it as no skin off my nose.

LucyJones · 11/05/2007 13:01

Franny - I would love to know how you can indoctrinate a 4 month old by singing to it

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 11/05/2007 12:59

id mnto goive a toss if a jewish owman sung jewish songs to my baby
CAN YOU IMAGINE HT EHOO HA IF YOU SAID OWT

" mum in anti smeitic attack"

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 11/05/2007 12:59

IMO it's more important that granny sings to him at all, than that she doesn't sing Christian songs to him.

DimpledThighs · 11/05/2007 12:59

most certainly Y NOT ABU!!!

I would discuss this now as the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

I know a Jewish family and they find it hard.

yaddayah · 11/05/2007 12:59

You are not unreasonable

my mum secretly "baptised" my ds with bathwater(then aged about 3 months) .. she confessed it about 2 years later, she'd pre planned it.. spoken to her vicar who (perhaps thinking she was barmy) said that in the eyes of god it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.. its a very scary path.. one moment humming Onward Christian Soldiers .. the next a dunk in Johnsons baby

You need to talk to your mum !

PrettyCandles · 11/05/2007 12:58

Being myself Jewish, in a mixed marriage and bringin our children up as Jews, I would have flet like you once. But now that my eldest is at school, in a mainstream UK school, learning about Easter and Christams etc, and singin g songs about how Jesus gives us the rain etc etc etc, I've had to learn to chill about it. If it matters so much to you (and I'm not mocking, because it does matter so much to me) then it's up to you to use your home influence to counteract what you don't believe in.

IMO it's more important that granny sings to him at all, than that she doesn't sing Christian songs to him.

divastrop · 11/05/2007 12:57

i dont think you're being unreasonable atall,the words of the song could be influensing your baby subliminally.if i were you i would ask her to sing only nursery rhymes or such.

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 11/05/2007 12:57

oh yes
no hallelujah chorus

no englush history
no local churhces looing pweetty till someone wants to shut them then everyone gets laluppity

rowan1971 · 11/05/2007 12:57

I don't think YABU - my mil is a fervent Christian and regularly warbles hymns at my two. She is also a monarchist - caught her telling my ds1 that Oliver Cromwell was the most evil man in British history the other day . Her dad was a South African, and the one thing I did tell her to stop singing to my two was a lullaby containing the word 'kaffir'!

However, I've decided to hang back on the whole issue. As others have said, at least your mum is trying to be a good granny. You and your DP will have much more influence over the child than she will. As your baby grows up, you can decide if you find something really out of order, and tell her to knock off specific things if you feel really strongly about them.

Taylormama · 11/05/2007 12:56

tbh my tuneless shrieking (ie singing) will probably scar DS for life - i cannot carry a tune in a bucket

Swizzler · 11/05/2007 12:56

Franny: would you bar the St Matthew Passion on the same criteria? Or Paradise Lost? Where do you draw the line here?

Of course if she's singing songs about stamping on the heathen you might have other issues

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 11/05/2007 12:55

yes bet youd let him have all sorts of other cultural infulences
south american pan pipes
"eek my baby is indoctirnates by pan pipes"

Swizzler · 11/05/2007 12:54

Hmm, if you exclude all religious music and literature from his upbringing he'll be missing out on a lot. Surely part of letting your child make his own choices is giving him the info in the first place?

If it's an aesthetic issue and she's singing Lord of the Dance you're not being unreasonable at all