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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not really liking my mum singing Christian songs to my baby?

159 replies

theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 12:45

I probably am being unreasonable, but i hate the way my mum sings Christian songs to my baby. he's only 4 months, so unlikely to be indoctrinated anytime soon, but i have made it clear to her on a couple of occasions that we won't be bringing up ds in a Christian faith or in any religion at all.

the problem is that by her own admission, she is on a "mission" to convert people. which includes me, dh and ds. i grew up really resenting my strict Christian upbringing and i don't want ds to do the same, especially since neither me or dh are Christian. also, when i realised how much of a swizz the whole Christianity thing was (when i was about 16) it took me a long time to trust other things my mum said, as after all if she was wrong on this major thing, she could easliy be wrong in other things too. i want ds to trust his grandmother and not have his childhood troubled like mine was.

dh and i have already agreed that if he wants to find out about religion when he's older then we will be fine with that, but i would like him to do it on his own terms, and not have it rammed down his throat from birth, however lovingly.

OP posts:
LittleSarah · 11/05/2007 15:06

(Or sneakily taken by grandmother )

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 15:05

pointydog - i know this. i just don't want ds to grow up with the same confusion and bitterness i did. or be forced (or guilted) into going to Church or Sunday School.

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Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 15:04

Chocaltegirl - that sounds fascinating. what religion is it??

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pointydog · 11/05/2007 15:04

You are being unreasonable.

Being told about Christianity in whatever format at whatever age, does not mean your child will not be able to make up his own mind when he's an adult.

chocolattegirl · 11/05/2007 15:02

I must admit I was wary when my dd's paternal GM said she'd teach my dd about her faith (which is not mine) even though by their faith own rules, my dd is not of the same faith as her father since it follows the mother's religion. I still wouldn't have put it past his family to get her enrolled with their branch, notwithstanding.

tortoiseSHELL · 11/05/2007 15:00

TB isn't Catholic but Cherie is.

Muminfife · 11/05/2007 15:00

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LittleSarah · 11/05/2007 14:58

YANBU, in that it is irritating I am sure and that you realise it will do no harm.

My mum has recently started going back to church and mentioned something about dd going to Sunday school. Apparently she asked the minister what they had for children. Anyway, neither me nor dd's dad would want her (or allow her!) to go to Sunday school and when I reminded my mum of this she said something along the lines of, 'well you wouldn't have to know.' She didn't really mean it of course and sneaking my dd off to Sunday school would be a practical impossibility but still, the woman is SNEAKY...

After I laughed that off she said that she would be telling dd what she believed and so on which is of course fine. Just so long as she doesn't start telling dd what she should believe!

wulfricsmummy · 11/05/2007 14:50

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Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 14:45

oh fluffyanimal i am glad you didn't have a go. i was worrying in case you came back and rahed at me (i'm not very good at rah-ing)

you're absolutely right, and if she didn't sing the happl clappy songs when i wasn't there it wouldn't bother me (cause i wouldn't know) but it really sets my teeth on edge for some reason, which is just as bad and intolerant as saying homosexuals will burn in hell (which my mum doens't believe, btw!)

think you may be right re: Bliar as well.

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fluffyanimal · 11/05/2007 14:43

I think you need to make a distinction between what songs / hymns your mum sings and what version of Christianity she preaches. After all, many trad C of E churches have the occasional trendy tamborine hymn to broaden their appeal. I'd stop worrying about the songs and only worry once he is old enough to understand and she starts telling him that e.g. homosexuals will burn in hell or something (or whatever else she believes). The happy clappiness of the songs may grate with you, but in themselves they are totally harmless.

Jesus was an extremely moderate and all-inclusive person. Too much gets twisted falsely in his name.

Oh and BTW Tony Blair is Catholic i think.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 14:35

IMO - there is a BIG difference between God and Jesus. i'm probably going to get flamed for this, BUT...

this is (supposedly) a Christian country. our monarch is Church of England, our Prime Minister is ostensibly the same. i think Church of England Christianity is and has been (IMO unfortunately) a part of our country, history and culture for hundreds of years. but the happy-clappy "Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam" brigade do my nut, they really do. i'm sorry, but that's just the way i feel. i don't want ds to be brought up in that kind of environment, especially since i have met more homophobic, rascist, intolerant, two-faced and prejudiced people in the Church than i have in "real-life".

i'm more than happy for ds to be taught about Christianity and other religions in its proper context. ie - as part of our culture and history.

like i say, i will probably get flamed, but it's how i feel.

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fluffyanimal · 11/05/2007 14:26

OK so you sing him the national anthem. Doesn't that start "God Save..."? What's the difference between that and the songs your mum sings?

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 14:18

Lovecat - i bet the nuns love it! didn't Jesus say to "Suffer the little children unto me, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these"? (or something - my Scripture is more than a little rusty these days!)

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Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 14:17

TortoiseSHELL - the song i'm specifically thinking of is one which goes "Stand up, clap your hands shout thank you Lord, thank you for the world we're living in..." i remember singing it in Sunday School when i was little and i loved it then. ah, the loss of innocence.

where's DC? i would've thought he'd be along by now....

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Lovecat · 11/05/2007 14:13

Can you send your mum round to me, UD, if she has such fabby powers of indoctrination? Whilst dd loudly demands 'pears' in her cot at bedtime, she thinks me making the sign of the cross is part of some bizarrely funny actions game and doesn't relate 'pears' at bedtime to 'pears' in church at all (church? that's the funny echoey building where I can make loads of great noises, run up and down the aisles and gurn at all the ancient nuns in the back row!)

rowan1971 · 11/05/2007 13:28

I do think, Urban, that you're attributing too much power to her (because obviously she had a lot of power over you when you were growing up), and hence the situation is winding you up. Her influence over your baby will not be comparable to the influence she had over you, even if she does just live around the corner.

I'm not saying it's not bleeding annoying, it's just that you might feel less powerless about it if you change your prespective slightly.

speccy · 11/05/2007 13:24

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rowan1971 · 11/05/2007 13:24

The passive-aggressive approach would be to learn a few Muslim/Jewish/Jainist/whatever songs of praise and start singing those whenever she's around...

tortoiseSHELL · 11/05/2007 13:22

What sort of songs do you mean? Because lots of religions use the word 'God' so a song like All things bright and beautiful isn't necessarily pushing Christianity, if that's what you're worried about.

docket · 11/05/2007 13:20

I don't think you're being unreasonable, esp given your own experiences.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 13:17

yes, i don't mind that, it's fine, but if he grows up hearing my mum singing Christian songs to him every day (we live round the corner from my parents and he sees my mum most days) then it seems to me that Christianity is getting a head start on all the other religions. i don't want him to grow up intolerant of Christianity (like i did!) but i do want him to learn about them when he is old enough to put them into context. i would rather he learned about them at school, but i know that's a bit unrealistic. and i'm getting ahead of myself...

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Astrophe · 11/05/2007 13:15

You say that you would be happy for your DS to become a Christian, or other faith, when he is older, so I think its only fair for you to let him learn about all religions.

Afterall, how will he make an informed choice if he knows nothing about any of them?

I think you should use it as a teaching point "Granny believes X...the lady down the street believes Y...", and as he grows older you can encourage his personal invertigations of faith.

You could also teach your son a lot about respect and tolerance by the way to talk about your mothers religion to him.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 13:14

i don't want her to get into the "habit" of doing it. although that kind of makes singing about Noah's Ark on the same level as using crack....

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tortoiseSHELL · 11/05/2007 13:14

I wouldn't worry about it. They'll probably hear them at school anyway.

My dad takes issue with me taking the children to Sunday School, because of indoctrination. SO the opposite issue really.