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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(or completely old-fashoned) to feel a bit shocked about this?

60 replies

Countingthegreyhairs · 10/05/2007 12:43

As I'm not overly-confident about my own parenting skills I'm currently addicted to those Tiny-Tearaway/Super Nanny type of programmes. Anyway, I was watching one of them last week which featured a father talking to his four-year-old son. The conversation went like this ...

Father: Did you have a good day at school?

Son: Yes but x hit me.

Father: Did you hit him back?

Son: Yes

Father: (said very casually) That's my boy! What do you want for tea?

This has been on my mind ever since. The conversation wasn't even alluded to in the programme and it was the casual acceptance that 'hitting back' was not only acceptable but expected that shocked me. Am I being unreasonable or is this what we are supposed to teach our children nowadays?

OP posts:
RGPargy · 10/05/2007 13:23

Sorry but if someone wallops my kid, i'd want them to stand up for themselves and wallop them back!

Original poster
Countingthegreyhairs · 10/05/2007 13:14

Thxs for all of your responses. LoL powder28!! It is a difficult one. I think it could be a 'man thing' but I reckon I'm with you Bozza. Would try and find out why it happened and get to the bottom of it although not always easy with a four-year-old! I guess it struck a nerve with me because I was bullied very badly at school and I was always too nervous to retaliate (even verbally) with the result that it spiralled out of control. So the prog made me think about what I would teach my dd if she was in the same situation. I don't want her to behave like I did (a limp rag!!) and (like you Speccy) I want her to have confidence in her self and feel that she can stand up for herself when necessary. But I definitely don't want her to resort to violence either ....

OP posts:
easywriter · 10/05/2007 13:01

I think the parents reaction amoungst other thigs depends on the age of the child. Mine are 3 and i talk to them to get them not to hit, to see how sad the erson the've hit is if they do, to apologise and if they are hit to tell the person that they're upset, ask them not to do it , apologise etc. etc. but when they get to school I'm aware i'll need a different approach. I don't know what that is yet but you can bet your bottom dollar it won't be "atta girl!".

I think the show probably omitted the discussion around it as ultimately it depends if the parent thinks hitting is acceptable. which is a multi-facetted can of worms to be opened by the brave (just for the record, I am neither brave nor suggesting we open this can of worms!!!)

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 10/05/2007 12:55

maybe it's because it was the father though? think men have a different view to standing up for/defending oneself than women, esp where boys are concerned. think most men probably got into fights in the playground at some point in their childhood and consequently don't see it as that bad a thing.

MaureenMLove · 10/05/2007 12:54

Do you think its maybe a man thing? I think its wrong too, but I only have a dd, so I've never really had to deal with the hitting thing. Just the bitching!!

barbamama · 10/05/2007 12:54

We do the bit of both thing too as well - don't know if that is right or wrong. i.e our policy is if someone hits, walk away, tell teacher whatever, if they do it again or follow you continuing to hit then it is ok? or at least understandable to defend yourself aka hit back. DS is still quite young so not sure how this will pan out - I hope dp wouldn't be too obvious about it in front of him but I know secretly he would be thinking "that's my boy" as long as ds didn't start it - think it is a man thing that comes from when they were kids and pretty much were expected to get into fights in the playground. You're right though, prob shouldn't be encouraged.

powder28 · 10/05/2007 12:52

Are you sure you werent watching The Simpsons?

bozza · 10/05/2007 12:51

I think in response to that I would have said "so what did you do" or "why do you think he hit you", that kind of thing.

speccy · 10/05/2007 12:50

This reply has been deleted

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Muminfife · 10/05/2007 12:49

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