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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go to the hen weekend

27 replies

marieg76 · 08/05/2007 18:08

A friend is getting married in late summer (I know here through DH who is good friends with her DH to be). We live in Surrey and the hen weekend is a four hour train journey away. I don't want to drive the journey as it will be on a bank holiday weekend and I don't fancy getting stuck on the M1 when 20 wks pg and bursting for the loo. We are moving house the day before the hen weekend so I am pretty much inclined to consider that a) I am going to be absolutely knackered come the hen weekend and b) that four hours on the train is going to be pretty darned hard.

My DH is saying that I should just go and enjoy myself but with the dread of the journey, I won't enjoy myself. AIBU not wanting to go?

OP posts:
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phoebebouffet · 15/05/2007 01:39

Don't go if you don't want to - for some reason since having my lo 13 weeks ago I've become very firm and assertive when it comes to thing like this and feel I'm getting my priorities right - I've just turned down a hen weekend of a friend who I love to bits but expects the world to fork out a fortune and jump through hoops for her hen do when she hasn't been out with the girls or made any effort with any of us since getting together with her fella! I'm going on another hen do the weekend after of a friend who does keep in touch and doesn't 'expect' anything. I almost got myself in trouble when I nearly didn't invite a friend who had just had a baby on my hen do - I was honoured and flattered that she would make the effort to come - but would have understood perfectly if she didn't.

You don't say what sort of hen do but if it's going to be boozy do you've got the perfect excuse.

Anna8888 · 10/05/2007 12:43

It sounds like torture. You really do not have to go, so don't.

Tigana · 10/05/2007 12:40

i did 4 hours by train to london andthen four hours back same day when over 7 months pregnant, for work. Was not exactly comfy wedged behind table etc but still bearable.
Depends...is it going to be a mad, pissed up squealing, raucous type event - in which case a slightly tired, pregnant attendee is unlikley to have much fun? Or will it be a more relaxed, chatty, drinks and nice food affair, in which case I'd be tempted to go and make the most of it?

ipanemagirl · 10/05/2007 12:39

I went on a hen 'week' in spain once and the bride sulked for the whole week and we all felt as if it was our fault, spent a fortune and had a dreadful time.... Never again! I was young and foolish I must say - I assumed we'd have a ball!

Snaf · 10/05/2007 12:37

Don't go. And don't even think about feeling guilty or unreasonable.

Hen weekends are a hideous invention, anyway.

GinaVauxhall · 10/05/2007 12:32

if it was my hen party i would very much understand your reluctance to join.

You won't be able to drink, dance until the wee hours and you will be shattered!

if i was you i wouldn't think it twice!

Thanks but no thanks!

ipanemagirl · 10/05/2007 12:29

(sorry for shouting!)

ipanemagirl · 10/05/2007 12:28

DON'T GO
DON'T GO
DON'T GO!!!

mozhe · 10/05/2007 12:13

Don't go ! It sounds awful, instead get DH to treat you to lovely pre-baby pampering spa weekend !!

pinkrangerstartstowaddle · 10/05/2007 12:10

i dont think you are , i have pulled out of my SIL hen weekend next weekend as i will be 26 weeks pg ( and im maid of honour) and know that i wont enjoy it (get really tired), they all understood and are going out for a local meal with her and bridesmaids the weekedn before!

kslatts · 10/05/2007 12:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable as it should be your choice whether you want to go or not. I think train journeys are relaxing though if you take a good book.

newgirl · 10/05/2007 11:53

Dont go at all - and dont make a big deal out of it just let her know asap so they can get on with the planning

send a card or email and say you cant due to moving but have a great time and you look forward to hearing all about it/seeing photos etc.

Berries · 10/05/2007 11:06

Don't go, but book yourself into a local hotel for the weekend (complete with spar) and tell DH to get on with the unpacking - bliss

anniemac · 10/05/2007 10:47

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MrsBadger · 10/05/2007 10:41

I've just turned down an invitation to a hen night a four hour train journey away from me - felt no qualms at all (though I do have the added excuse of it being 6wks after the birth).

It's not obligatory to go, hence it being an 'invitation' not a 'conscription notice'!

sandyballs · 10/05/2007 10:40

No, not unreasonable at all. I wouldn't go. You'll be knackered after the move, knackered because you're pregnant, knackered after the journey and you won't even be able to drink. I'm sure she'd understand.

paulaplumpbottom · 10/05/2007 10:37

No, I think if people have things that are not local they should expect that not everyone can make it

Original poster
marieg76 · 10/05/2007 10:36

Thanks Elasticwoman. I just know that I don't want to travel all that way for one night just after moving. I think that I just feel guilty for not going - she will very much understand as she's a really decent person. We are going to the wedding and to the informal get together the day before too so we are going to be spending lots of time with them.

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 09/05/2007 16:57

No need to go if you don't want to, and no need to have an excuse (to yourself) for not going. Are you going to the wedding? You can still give/send a present to the bride so she will know you are wishing her well. Dh is just encouraging you to have a good time, but probably has no idea how it feels to be 20 wks pg.

Aloha · 08/05/2007 18:29

God, don't go.

Original poster
marieg76 · 08/05/2007 18:26

Hi Kama,

I haven't made it too clear have I? First of all, it's a long journey which is pretty tiring, secondly, it will no doubt be followed by a late night, thirdly, it will be after a very long and tiring day the day before having moved house. My final point is the horror of having to use train toilets. I commute on a daily basis and avoid them like the plague as they smell and are just awful. On a four hour journey with me currently needing to pee every 20 minutes, it's going to be a necessary evil

OP posts:
kama · 08/05/2007 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
marieg76 · 08/05/2007 18:19

She won't be offended if I don't go - funnily enough, she was moving house the weekend of my own hen do last year! Please don't think I'm playing tit for tat games as that's not the case at all. She's a friend that I only see/hear from when my DH and her DH to be call/arrange to see each other.

I don't know the exact plans for the weekend but I know that there is a spa at the hotel. I know that it sounds quite lovely in that regard but it's such a long way after a rather stressful day before!

OP posts:
katherinez · 08/05/2007 18:17

No I dont think so, sounds like you've got a lot on at the mo. Will she be offended if you don't go, how well do you know her?
Do you know exactly what the plan for the week end is?

poppy34 · 08/05/2007 18:13

YANBU -can you not see if you can do something else instead (go for a meal or something) . From what you've said even if you did go you'd hardly be up for it