Can we talk about Mothers Day flowers and whether I'm being mean

It really isn't about you though is it - whether or not you like Mother's Day, whether or not you like flowers, whether or not you'd prefer a voucher.

When your DC are adults, how will you feel if you want vouchers for your birthday and they decide they know better as they don't like vouchers and send you flowers instead? You might not like birthdays either, but you do presumably like receiving the occasional gift and find it more meaningful if the people you love put some thought into thinking about what YOU want, not what they think you SHOULD want.

I choose my DM's mother's day gift - I appreciate and adore her every day of the year but there's nothing wrong at all with a particular day to take a second and remind her how amazing she is - and I'd be having words with DH if he presumed to tell me how much to spend or what to get.

Same applies to father's day. They're my parents, it's my call.

Turning this into some sort of self righteous cool wife rant about occasions and how much better you are than observing them, when really you just begrudge your DH spending money on his Mum, is daft.

As a mother I would be upset with my DC if they spent £50 on a bunch of flowers for me when I know they had a young family or were struggling financially. Some of these mums need to ask themselves why their egos are so fragile that they need their DC to go into debt to make them feel good for an hour.

I refuse to go out for a meal on MD and I don't let my DC spend any of their money on things for me. They make me cards and tell me they love me. That's enough.

Op may be you'll feel differently when you're older! I frickin love mothers day. I don't have to do any boring household chores. I get little pressies, taken out to lunch. It's kinda like another birthday. Can't wait to celebrate me!

M&S are doing free delivery on Sunday, there are some nice looking bunches around the £25-30 mark.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.marksandspencer.com/l/flowers-and-gifts/flowers-and-plants/all-flowers-and-plants?extid=ps_ggl_UK_BG_Flowers_Flowers_FlowersHVK&cvosrc=ppc.google.m&s%20flowers&cvo_campaign=UK_BG_Flowers_EX&cvo_crid=251840212311&Matchtype=ewww.marksandspencer.com/l/flowers-and-gifts/flowers-and-plants/all-flowers-and-plants%3Fextid%3Dps_ggl_UK_BG_Flowers_Flowers_FlowersHVK%26cvosrc%3Dppc.google.m%2526s%2520flowers%26cvo_campaign%3DUK_BG_Flowers_EX%26cvo_crid%3D251840212311%26Matchtype%3De&gclid=CNHR_vWO2tkCFQGFhQodgTULOg&gclsrc=ds" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.marksandspencer.com/l/flowers-and-gifts/flowers-and-plants/all-flowers-and-plants?extid=ps_ggl_UK_BG_Flowers_Flowers_FlowersHVK&cvosrc=ppc.google.m&s%20flowers&cvo_campaign=UK_BG_Flowers_EX&cvo_crid=251840212311&Matchtype=ewww.marksandspencer.com/l/flowers-and-gifts/flowers-and-plants/all-flowers-and-plants%3Fextid%3Dps_ggl_UK_BG_Flowers_Flowers_FlowersHVK%26cvosrc%3Dppc.google.m%2526s%2520flowers%26cvo_campaign%3DUK_BG_Flowers_EX%26cvo_crid%3D251840212311%26Matchtype%3De&gclid=CNHR_vWO2tkCFQGFhQodgTULOg&gclsrc=ds

If £50 buys you a "mediocre" bunch of flowers, I'd try a different florist!

On the upside she can’t live forever

OMG thats such a vile thing to say!

On the upside she can’t live forever.

What an utterly unpleasant thing to think let alone write.

This lady is OPs kids granny and her husbands DH. She mightn’t like Mils gift choice, but don’t go saying things like that, because it wasn’t what she meant at all.

I think YABU. OK, you don't like flowers, but she clearly does. It's a present for her, not for you.

I can't bear "tat" and would rather have a bunch of beautiful flowers that will make me smile for a week or so, than lots of "stuff" I can keep but have no use for. I agree £50 is a lot though - if it's above your budget then she will just have to make do with a smaller bouquet. If it's within your budget and it's just that you think spending that amount on flowers is a waste - well it's not a waste if that's genuinely what she wants.

I'd prefer a voucher because I could either get some really nice flowers, or wine/food, cosmetics. On the rare occasions someone has sent me flowers, I've profusely expressed my gratitude, whilst actually thinking the money could have been better spent

But that's you, not your MIL. As you've said, she likes receiving the flowers.

Unless you're struggling to pay the bills I think you're being mean.

YABU to dictate what MIL receives because your personal preference would be different.

However, there is enormous pressure on floristry supplies around Mother's Day and it will be worse than ever this year after the recent snow. We have had very disappointing bouquets from both Waitrose and M&S which had been clearly cobbled together from remnants and we complained. Don't be afraid to do this if the bouquet is dramatically different to the photograph on the website.

As someone who has no Mum and no MIL this Mother’s Day I say that unless you absolutely can’t afford it then if you can make your MIL’s day with a lovely bunch of flowers then you absolutely should.

It really is a very small price to pay to show some love and appreciation of all the things a mother has done and sacrificed. All those sleepless nights, care, attention and worry through the years. It makes me sad to think my little children might grow up and resent a nice gift on Mother’s Day, really it’s the least you can do (unless there’s an awful backstory here that I’ve missed).

On the upside she can’t live forever.

Nice

I’d spend much less say £25-30 from a local florist if it’s a money issue. A voucher is a thoughtless gift for any occasion unless it’s requested.

MIL, on the other hand, expects a bouquet of flowers delivered to her door on the day.

So you like a voucher. A considerate gift for you would be a voucher.

MIL likes flowers. A considerate gift for her is some flowers.

How hard is that?

Yes YABU, your dh should be able to order flowers for his mother if it makes them both happy, (a different florist might make a better job of it).

Hmmm.

Cut flowers are ridiculously expensive, but if she wants to be presented with a bouquet and hopes the neighbours will twitch the curtains and see it arriving, and wants to invite her friends in for coffee so they can see it conspicuously placed and have no way to avoid politely asking who sent her such lovely flowers, then for her a voucher is massively disappointing and not fit for purpose.

It all depends why your DH / you plural are sending the flowers. To genuinely make her happy, or to tick the "sent something for mothers day" box, or a bit of both.

Just let DH do whatever he wants. Not really your problem (unless finances are so tight £50 is a massive sacrifice).

P.s. £50 should get a pretty decent bouquet. Tell him to try 'plants for presents' or ordering via M&S/ Waitrose. I've always found them all to be good.

You can get some really nice flowers on tesco direct for less than £50. Don't be mean to your MIL, let her enjoy a treat for mothers day from her son.

So your question really is would you be unreasonable to ask your husband to get his mother a present you know she wouldn't want rather than one you clearly know she does want?
I'm with you, i'd rather the voucher - actually if money was tight i'd rather get a homemade card but you know what she wants so yeah probably a bit unreasonable really unless you can't afford it.

So you know that your likes and expensive bunch of flowers delivered to her.

You however think that flowers are a waste of money.

If you can't afford it then don't send them but you need to recognise that other people have different preferences.

I can't comprehend spending thousands on a Premier league season ticket but loads of people do because it gives them great pleasure.

Of course flowers can be booked bought cheaper but that's like saying it's cheaper to cook at home than go to a restaurant. They are different things

I suppose it depends what she likes. I make a point of going to places like M&S on the day after Hallmark Days to see if they are selling off anything good. I'd much rather have whatever at half price (or often better) so a £20 voucher to spend the day after would give me much more pleasure than £50 spent on mediocre flowers delivered the day before.

We've even made it into a bit of a Christmas tradition. Instead of DP spending £30 on a special Hotel Chocolat christmas selection for me that will be in the half price sale online on Christmas Day, we go out early on Boxing Day for breakfast and to buy presents in the sales (the first hour or so is actually fairly quiet). Result is we have a nice morning out together and get presents cheaper than if they'd been bought before Christmas. I'd much rather do that than spend double to go through the ritual of opening them on the actual day.