Can we talk about Mothers Day flowers and whether I'm being mean

Just send the flowers straight from M&S. They have nice bouquets for about £25 and I have found them good on Mother’s Day. A voucher just says you can’t be arsed to go to any effort.

This is a huge bugbear of mine. I can’t stand people who try and use ‘principles’ as a cover for being begrudging and mean.

If money is tight shop around for a better value bouquet, there are plenty of nice ones out there. If not that DH could find an alternative gift which did not cost as much but still showed care and effort.

I find the idea of your poor MIL sitting at home disappointed with a shitty voucher just so you can smuggly feel you are principled —and your wallet is heavier— really, really just awful. I can’t believe you’re even thinking of it.

My DM starts putting her orders in for Mother's Day a month in advance..."oh if you're wondering what to get me I've seen a lovely jumper" which I find really offputting 😐 I've never expected my own DC to spend anything, always happy with a homemade card, or breakfast in bed. As it's his mother I think he should make the decision but if money is an issue then cheaper floral options need to be considered!

I would love to know how MIL exactly has insinuated that she expects flowers on Mother's Day

Don't know the OP's MIL but if it was my mother, it would have started 20 odd years ago when I first got a job with hints about how so and so's daughter gets them flowers from such and such a florist, then if the flowers were ever late, wrong colour, or not expensive enough, a couple of weeks of silent treatment to train you into getting it right.
And what's weird with people like my mother - not that I know the OP's MIL is one of these - is that because they've been pulling the silent treatment stuff on you since early childhood, you're trained to guess very accurately what's bothering them. They barely have to lift a finger to get what they want.

Some of these mums need to ask why their egos are so fragile that they need their DC to go into debt to make them feel good for an hour

Or 5 minutes. A £50 bouquet is ludicrous if you are on a budget and can get one from the likes of Bloom & Wild for £25 and the only reason you don't want to do it is because mum likes to be "presented" with the flowers by interflora! Obviously if you can afford it, it's lovely.

Tainbri that's so annoying! Why doesn't he cook lunch himself for his mum? Instead of expecting you to do it.

I’m sure it’s been said already but you don’t need to spend £50 to get a lovely bunch of flowers delivered.

I've just spent £40 on MIL flowers (yes me not DH!) he wanted her to come to is for lunch, I said no I'm seeing my mum and anyway I don't want to cook lunch as it's my day too!! He went off in a strop. It's not MIL's fault he can't be arsed to go see her on his own or whatever. I said she could come and stay for Easter and I'd cook then, it's only a couple of weeks off. Agree beeping Mother's Day causing more stress and expense and family rifts than necessary- madness!!

You don't even have separate money for your own personal spending? I don't know anyone who would say they expect a 50 quid bunch of flowers. 50 quid is a lot to me as well, I'd probably spend 20 and I'd save that up and budget for it leading up to mothers day.

I would love to know how MIL exactly has insinuated that she expects flowers on Mother's Day.

Did she actually just say that? " I expect flowers on Mother's Day " or what? Because it was the former I think OP you'd be telling her to get to fuck.

I love flowers on my birthday and Mother's Day, when DH or dc ask me want I'd like or what I want to do my usual response is

" oh a bunch a flowers would be nice, thanks " I know you won't tell me but I'm guessing here that that is what your MIL has said.

@DoesanyoneplaytheXylophone
I hate Mother's Day. My mother is a narcissistic idiot who needs to show all the neighbours how much of a wonderful mother she is by having vases of flowers and cards in the window from her lovely children.

My mother caused nothing but fired and pain growing up. I'm currently pregnant and having a pretty difficult time of things. When I explained to her I wouldn't be able to stop long with her card and gift her response was to come the day before.

If you honestly think that you need a show of flowers and cards to know your kids love you, you're doing it wrong.

I for one will not celebrate mothers dat. It's a pointless narcissist holiday.

I don't understand why it's anything to do with you though? I would never be dictated to by my boyfriend how much to spend on my mum or what to buy her. I know what I usually spend and I save/budget/plan for that. I understand some people share finances but surely you each have your own money too?

How does a bunch of flowers on a specific day express that appreciation

When you know that it will give the recipient a great deal of pleasure, it expresses that appreciation. Surely that's obvious?

Do you use Ocado?

£40 minimum delivery, and for that you could get flowers (various price points) plus a bottle of fizz, nice magazine, favourite chocolate etc.

Plus a one-hour delivery slot, rather than a florist who woul't usually commit to a particular time.

Of course you can select your own gifts. Lots of people are asked what they want for birthdays/weddings/Christmas etc.....

I think that getting someone a gift you know they'll like is important.

Assuming you want to please the recipient, that is.

The issue here seems to be an overpriced, not terribly nice bouquet. So a change of florist might be the first thing to try.

But you don't get to select your own gifts! That's not what a gift is!!

Snoreyhell you are making the same mistake as the op. Just because you're happy with home made gifts and cards doesn't mean mil is. You are different people with different life experiences and different needs. You can't really compare.

I don't get some of the responses here at all OP. In a marriage it is really not unusual to discuss purchases- whoever they are for. The notion that it's none of your business because it's dh's mum is frankly ridiculous.
What is also ridiculous is your mil's attitude towards Mothers' Day. Being given a gift should be enough surely. She sounds bloody childish to me. It also sounds like it's all about the performance of Mothers' Day rather than the meaning which is sad.

I shall be waking up to homemade cards and gifts on Sunday I don't doubt and I will love them because they're coming with love and thought.

God, you sound like a nightmare. Four pages and you still haven't grasped the concept of "different strokes for different folks". You like a voucher, but that doesn't mean everyone wants a voucher. You don't like flowers, that's fine, it's not about you. You're not your DH's mother. Stay in your lane.

I'm surprised you're getting so many negative responses. I think 50 quid is quite a lot to be spending on someone on mother's Day, specially if it's just on flowers. I think of it as more of a "card and a token gift" event. I mean 50 quid, we don't spend 50 quid on adults in the family for any present, not even birthday.

YABU it’s not your business how your DH gifts him mother on Mother’s Day.

All these MIL threads annoy me, she was his mother long before you came into his life and if you were to ever split she will be there when you wouldn’t (providing she’s still alive)

It’s not what you prefer it’s what she prefers. Stop making it about you

'Some of these mums need to ask why their egos are so fragile that they need their DC to go into debt to make them feel good for an hour'

Bit of an overreaction that.

Bloom & Wild do decent displays for less than interflora.