Why are mothers such bitches?

mums are really big bitches

DM was terrific and terrifying in equal measure. I could have done without the first 16 years, but after we established that any further attempt at discipline or belittling would earn a lethal response, we got on well. I didn't weep for her death, but I was sorry she no longer could act as an example of courage, intellect and ethics to the GCs.

Mine is less than stellar (highlights include telling me she wished I was a cot death statistic when I was rather small/wanting me to abort the baby I'm pregnant with because she finds me being pregnant too stressful/using me as a marriage guidance counselor for as long as I can remember and getting me to help clean up the blood after I watched my father almost bleed to death in front of us following a nasty row when I was 5) but my Grandmother makes her look like Mother of the Year.

She had postnatal depression, couldn't cope leaving her safety net behind when DF was posted abroad and generally just hasn't grown up. DF is currently dying and I'm the adult in the relationship with my mother and always have been. He tells me stuff he'd never tell her and expects me to lie to her, his only concern is that she won't cope when he's gone and she won't.

However having experienced my mother, I'm doing my best to ensure that ds and the bump never feel the need to make posts like this about me.

They're not.
Mine is amazing.

Sorry yours isn't, but don't extrapolate.

I don't think most mothers are like that, but possible reasons for the less than nice ones:

1. Difficult pregnancy and labour, PND afterwards making bonding difficult
2. Hard time looking after the child, isolated at home or something
3. Resentful of the above and other sacrifices that had to be made, maybe even jealous that DC had easier lives
4. Blaming DCs for something else that's gone wrong in their lives, pressure on relationship or career, for example.

I think you need to remove this toxic person from your life

You can curse yours to hell and back, but don't involve mine in this. Mine was fucking awesome. Don't even begin to imply all mothers are like yours. I am rarely offended or offendable, but your post is fucking nasty.

My mother is 'complicated'. I dont know anyone who dislikes her in any way but to me she has been incredibly cruel all my life.

My grandmother is exactly the same to my mum and I believe my great grandmother was too with my grandmother.

The best thing you can do is make sure you do everything not to behave the same way.

Some mothers are truly awful, and no one deserves that kind of shit.

But be the change you want to see in your life!

My mum was a right cow, but I’m a fantastic mum.
I mindfully chose to be better than she was. Therapy helped.

Btw Who made you the “good” language police @greenbeansqueen? Irony abounds.

I've been NC with my mother for 9 years now.

YANVU not all mothers are rubbish though I am so envious of friends whose mothers are great.

Sorry ginuser

Not all mothers are bitches though

Some are though!!

They aren’t.

My Mum was beautiful, kind, and to me she was perfect. If I can be half the Mum to my DS that my Mum was to me then I’ll be happy.

Mine can be very cruel, racist, judgemental, sexist, bullying, and has no sympathy, she's homophobic and still has tantrums like a child- kicking her feet and squealing. She's 62.
My friends have lovely mothers. Not everyone is the same.

I think some women just find being a mother overwhelming. I'm sure it's harder if you've been badly parented yourself.

It's very sad you didn't have the experience of being mothered that every child deserves. Elton is right - it is something you need to give yourself time to deal with, and it is a kind of grieving.

So - how are you dealing with it now? Do you have a good support network? Is your relationship with your partner good?

And do you have children/do you want children? Becoming a mother yourself can bring up all sorts of stuff about out own parenting, and can make us afraid we will repeat the bad. But these are surmountable problems, especially if you are aware it may happen.

Well some mothers are annoyed you - GASP - appear to be a person independent of them with your own thoughts about things and not a perfect little clone of them.

surprisingly common, that.

I am sorry if you’ve been hurt or disappointed by your mum op
Fortunately, that is not the norm,and you’ll read some folk love their mums too
And some folk unfortunately don’t have their mum around

I hope you find peace op, and prioritise what’s important to you.

Mine is absolutely awful and I’m happy to have almost no contact. I think it’s made me determined to be completely different as a mother, my children think I’m the best in the world. Sorry yours is dreadful too and in response to a pp criticising you, I think you can call your mother whatever you like.

((((((((Hugs)))))))))) this is not normal 😳😡

They aren't.

Why do a small but persistent minority of posters make these ridiculous statements when they are talking about one person ?

What elton says. Sets you free. I love my mum and she doesnt mean what she says but she still says it. Goes over me now but it wasnt till i had dd i was able to do that. (You too old for dd, you always wasting money on holidays rather thasn buying a house (in london where 300k get you nothing not even a flat) and not having dc etc ---we struggled to have dd) Im lucky got a fab mil and now dm comments wash over me....mostly.

My mum is very like yours OP. I think we are the unlucky ones and happily for other people we are a minority. I can feel quite isolated as my mum is very nice to people outside our immediate family circle so friends and some relations think she is lovely.

I try very hard to be a better mum to my own DC. I would be gutted if they felt the same way about me as I do about my mum.

I miss my mum. She died nearly ten years ago and I think about her every day.

Mine is a horror.

Threw me under a bus to save the person who abused me.

I'm a bloody brilliant mother, though.

Mine is wonderful. God knows she has her flaws, but she is kind, endlessly supportive, loves me unconditionally, makes me laugh and is always there for me.

I'm sorry you don't have that from your Mum.

That sounds like really abusive parenting, specifically, your mother projecting the negatives about her personality onto you. It’s your mother who shouldn’t have had children and is manipulative. It’s very hard facing up to the fact that you’re never going to have a decent mother and it’s a grieving process. But you need to get beyond the point of feeling that you need her approval or love. Grieve for the mother you never had and accept she’s never going to be that mother to set yourself free from constantly waiting for something she’s never going to give you.

TheC, that’s lovely. Is your stunning lack of tact or empathy a mutual trait or your own special gift?