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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Mum is totally far too full on?

35 replies

Holly29 · 04/05/2007 17:59

I'm pg with my first, due in September, and my Mum is driving me totally nuts, there is no other word for it.

Yes, it is her first grandchild. However, she has taken it to extremes, I think. Please tell me if you agree.

It all started over her 'pregnancy album' which she started when she found out I was pg. This is a folder she has created with lots of photocopies from books about being pregnant, printouts from the hospital where I am giving birth's webpage, my scan centres' brochure, lots of emails from all her mates congratulating her on the fact that she is going to be a gran etc. I thought this was weird and I didn't like it but I said nothing.

Then it escalated over scan photos. At 12 weeks, I got 4 scan photos, all different. She came round and insisted that she NEEDED one for her album. I said that I quite wanted to keep them all as they were all different and she started crying and saying 'but you promised' (which is true, but I didn't realise how much I would want to keep them) and wouldn't stop until I gave her one (no, she would not accept a photocopy).

Now it's all 'I have to be there for the birth' (I have said no) and she got really offended when I said my sis was going to be my birth partner (my sis is the calmest person in a crisis I know). She's also doing this whole 'I want to touch your bump and take photos of it' all the time and I hate it. She is planning to come and stay as soon as the baby's born, even though it's not what I want.

It's got to the stage where I feel it's her pregnancy and not mine and I dread speaking to her on the phone. She is a lovely woman most of the time but she seems to have gone a bit silly over this and it frankly makes me want to cry whenever she does something like this.

Is this unreasonable of me? What should I do?

Sorry this is so long.

OP posts:
JoanCrawford · 04/05/2007 18:27

I think your mother probably has a lot of time on her hands but is essentially over the moon about her first grandchild and why shouldn't she be?

I'd be very happy for my mother to get so excited, and I'm sure I'd do similar for my own dds !

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 04/05/2007 18:21

You are not being unreasonable. But you need to be firm and stand up to her, because the softly-softly approach obviously isn?t working. And if she gets upset, well of course this is unfortunate, but this is your pregnancy and your baby, and you have to do things your way. My cousin?s parents were similar to this ? and his dp found it very difficult. They insisted on having pictures of the scan, and framed them and put them on the wall above their fireplace!

I didn?t want anyone else to see my scan pictures, so I just lied and said I didn?t get any to avoid conflict .

MrsApron · 04/05/2007 18:12

WTF is going on with my typing? SOrry.

MrsApron · 04/05/2007 18:11

I believe the good granny's guide someone fearnly-whittingstall is an excellent book. I haven't read it but I beleive it has pointers in it for acce[table granny behaviour might be worth a go under the guise of a thinking of her role as a granny.

p.s. Stronly recommend not telling her when you are in labour or being induced until the baby is here. You do need any stree during your labour.

OrmIrian · 04/05/2007 18:08

Hmmm... like Fio I wondered if she was menopausal. SOunds enthusiastic but mad... Can you sit her down and nicely tell her that it's too much and she's stressing you out?

MrsApron · 04/05/2007 18:08

yanbu. She is behaving like a headcase. Is this pregnancy album for her or do you think it is for you?

It sounds like she wants to document experience every single minute of the imminent grandchild which is ott.

Mind you my mum virtually ignored it and that didn't suit me either. Not sure a mum can get it right.

Have you asked her to give you a bit of room? Just thinking it would be good to get it sorted out before your baby gets here.

WinkyWinkola · 04/05/2007 18:04

She's gone barmy. I'm all for enthusiasm but this is just daft. What on earth's the matter with the woman?

Whose baby is it anyway? I'd be really worried about this - are you going to have to do battle over being a mum to the child once it's born?

Buy her a puppy at once. And put your foot down now before it all gets very messy when your baby is here.

FioFio · 04/05/2007 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Boco · 04/05/2007 18:04

Bless her it does sound a bit OTT - what will she be like when it's actually a person!

You may be wanting to start working on The Groundrules, and tell her to stick that in her album!

She sounds loving and involved and passionately excited which is all great, but if its stressing you out and upsetting you, you need to talk to her calmly and explain you need a little bit of space.

Good luck with that!

luckylady74 · 04/05/2007 18:02

this does sound ott and i think you have to be firm because the first weeks with a new baby are precious - can you do some forward planning? give her some small very specific roles to help her feel wanted and involved and also arrange other people/ reasons for what you don't want her to do like move in?

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