How do people feel if the man you are with is looking at other women ?

He sounds immature. Noticing attractive people exist is fine but rubbernecking at them is weird. What is he trying to prove, especially in front of you? That he sees women as objects and has no respect for you.

How do I cope? DH and I are pretty open, but usually we're a pair of harpies discussing the fashion of yoof these days.

@LanaKanesTerfyVagina

Interesting psychoanalysis on me, a perfect stranger, that you’ve provided. I can assure you however that I have been followed, sexually harassed, and in receipt of lots of other unwanted male attention since I was 9 years old (thanks to early onset puberty giving me the appearance of a 15 year old), and no, I didn’t enjoy these experiences.

In one such incident of sexual harassment, I had my arse and thighs groped on a tube train. I ‘thanked’ the pervert by hitting him very hard in the genitals with my umbrella. I was a teenager at the time and felt terrified.

I don’t fully understand my viewpoint on this matter myself, but would rather provide my honest opinions. It seems however, that increasingly on this site, if someone’s opinion is outside of the status quo, then one will be attacked or have huge sweeping generalisations made about them.

Regardless, I will continue to be honest and truthful.

My husband doesn’t do this and I’m sure he notices attractive women, he just knows not to behave like a dick around his wife.

Actually that’s a little bit of a lie. He did it once when we were on a beach in Bali. These three gorgeous topless women were walking through the surf, loudly frolicking and generally drawing a lot of attention to themselves. DH looked up (as did everyone else) and stared and I think said “boobs”. I fell off my sunbed laughing because he was immeasurably embarrassed and made a big show of returning to read his book like he hadn’t noticed them. I suspected they were a part of some sort of hidden camera thing because it seemed so staged to elicit a reaction from both the men and women.

Ogling in general is gross though and you deserve better.

@LittleMissUnreasonable

I certainly don’t hold the view that men can’t help but being tempted by a scarlet woman - men should be able to control themselves.

What I said previously may sound like an odd and weird thing to say to you, and I’ve never fully understood it myself, but it’s the way it makes me feel. I’d rather be honest about my opinions and feelings even if I don’t understand them.

I used to be friends with a girl who thought being groped intimately by a gross stranger in a club said a lot about her attractiveness.

Sadly I think a lot of women feel like that.

Completely missing the point about why men grope, and that many different kinds of women get groped.

I think @Argeles is one of those women who really enjoys being the centre of male attention.

Every incident that we would describe as sexual harassment or abuse, she probably sees as a validation of her man pleasing.

Thus she assumes that every other woman getting -unwanted harassment attention from her partner is enjoying it like she does.

And op your H is a creepy fucker and if he did that in front of me I'd be calling it out, loudly and publicly.

A random woman just trying to get on with her day is not an object for strangers weird gratification.

It is visual rape.

Given that the definition of rape includes penetration by a penis, does that mean they've shoved their penis in someone's eye?

I have never felt even the mildest of hostility towards women that my partner has noticed, if we pass someone especially striking I would often say wow look at her wasn't she gorgeous
If he's starting to obviously ogling women I would feel embarrassed because he'd look like some dirty old man

@Argeles

"Whilst I totally detest it whenever my DH looks at other women, and it infuriates me, it makes me want to batter the shit out of the woman rather than my DH! I have no idea why this is the case, as it’s my DH who does the looking, but it’s always the woman who I want to call all the names under the sun whilst physically attacking her."

What a completely odd and weird thing to say....So not only does some poor woman have to put up with being gawped at like some prize by your partner but she then had to tolerate the glares and sneers you probably give to her never mind wanting to attack her. For doing nothing. Maybe it's your DP/DH who needs to control himself. I pity any attractive woman who has to come into contact with you pair

To be fair you probably hold some 1930s view that the poor little man who can't help himself being tempted by some unknowing Scarlett woman.....

It is visual rape
Oh please.

My husband has a crush on one of nursery workers.
But then so do I, she’s cute and makes me question my sexuality

Neither of us would stare or backtrack anyone though. That’s just weird.

it's human nature

This thread is making my feel abnormal, unhuman perhaps.

I've no idea what make's someone attractive? Is it the people we see on TV and magazines or those who are well groomed. I don't even watch TV, so what's the latest trend?

It is visual rape.

I have no doubt that my dh notices attractive women but in over 21 years I have never noticed him noticing, if you know what I mean.
I don't think I would make me feel jealous as such or bad about myself, but it would make me think he was massive dickhead and a bit pathetic. It's also incredibly rude.

Argeles is at least consistent in her woman-hating, man-pleasing attitudes.

Dp would never do this ! Not because he never finds other women attractive but because he would never disrespect me like that Infact even if he was shopping alone I can't imagine him actually walking back in a certain direction to have a good look at a woman!!

I would start doing the same thing
I would obviously check out attractive men and make comments like corrr I'd give him one
See how he likes them apples

Urgh I think there is a difference between incidentally noticing an attractive person and doing a double take- I've done it before, as has my DH, but to deliberately walk back to have a good ogle is creepy and stalkerlike. I bet the women notice there is some strange man looking at her bum too and find it creepy and pervy.

Not all men do this. Sure, a quick glance if someone’s really striking - I’m pretty sure if someone was interesting enough I’d glance over too - but hanging back for a proper look or deliberately going up a supermarket aisle just to check someone out? Creepy, massively disrespectful to you, and probably weirding out any women who notice him doing it.

I have never ever noticed DH doing this but guess he must at least glance as would I. I know he must at least glance as he tells me that there is not another woman in the world that even gets close to me :o

I would add that I am in fact a very ordinary middle age woman.

@Argeles you've got issues and should see your GP about them. What you said is disgusting. It's not random women's fault if your DH ogles them, and you're directing your anger at the wrong person.
As pps have said, your DD will be on the receiving end of a man oggling in a few years. If that man's partner feels like you, but doesn't have your "restraint", would it be ok for that woman to batter her? Of course not. Sort yourself out.

OP. your partner is creepy, and his actions show what kind of man he is, misogynistic. I wouldn't want to be with a man like that.

My husband genuinely does not do this. I'm sure he notices attractive women but he doesn't openly check them out.

I've got a male friend on the other hand who does do this and it is so unbelievably cringy, I don't know whether he realises he does it but he surely can't know how it looks.

How is it the fault of the woman Argeles?!

I’d be mightily annoyed if someone was ogling me and then their DP attacked me. Id be using all of my self defence skills in those circumstances.

Absolute madness.

My husband might do it, but if he does he’s so subtle about it i’ve Never noticed. What your husband does it so blatant and insulting. I bet he wouldn’t like it if you openly drooled over random men in the street!

There is a world of difference between a discreet glance and openly ogling.
My DH while out with me one day when we first got together many moons ago, actually turned round to check out a woman who had walked past us in the street. I had the last laugh as, while he was actually walking backwards he slipped off the kerb causing him to fall and break his collarbone 😂 He's never done it again.

It's not normal or respectful to actually double back to carry on ogling at someone.