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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel slightly hacked off when asked to pay to go to an engagement party?

61 replies

twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 16:43

Friend X (who eats round my house 3-4 times a week with her child adding approx £30 to my monthly grocery bill) has just got engaged. Lovely.

Friend Y offered to do her an engagement party meal for her. Ah, lovely gesture.

Friend X can invite 8 couples, me and DH are one of them.

The party is this Saturday. I have just had a message left on my answerphone asking for £10 a head plus bring a bottle.

I think its a bit odd. If I throw a party or a meal for my friends, I don't ask them for anything. I feel that if Friend Y couldnt afford to throw the party, then she shouldnt have offered. I would expect to bring a bottle or even contribute something towards the meal, for example after dinner mints or something.

What do you lot feel? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
bakedpotato · 03/05/2007 17:16

No, I will not be drawn
[zipped lips]

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:16

at my wedding we had chmpagne, wine etc with the meal and then a paying bar for the evening.

what is wrong with that?

Gobbledigook · 03/05/2007 17:15

What's wrong with pay bars at weddings?

Manictigger · 03/05/2007 17:15

So X is presumably rather hacked off as well (at having to pay £40 for what she presumably also thought was a lovely gesture)? Blimey, I hope the food is good because the atmosphere sounds as if it may be a little strange.

Gobbledigook · 03/05/2007 17:15

I agree ThatBeetroot - it just seems a bit odd to just leave a message. I don't think my friends would do that. So for me, it's just the way it sounds like she has gone about it, rather than the fact that she's asked for help, that is a bit odd.

bakedpotato · 03/05/2007 17:15

please don't start me on pay bars at weddings

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:12

she may have seen that the cost was more than she could afford

she may have expecgted offeres of helop and none forthcoming so had to ask

more people may be coming than she originally expected

Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:11

Friend Y is asking for money, not Friend X (who is engaged)

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:10

£10 admission charge that should have been

OP posts:
Manictigger · 03/05/2007 17:10

So who was originally asking for the money? was it X or Y?

Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:10

If we have dinner parties we all muck in. Someone brings a pudding, someone brings starter etc etc. Thats fine.

Friend Y offered to throw her a party. Said, it was something she wanted to do for her. Then at the last minute is asking the guests for money. You don't go to a party and get asked on the door for £0 admission charge

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 03/05/2007 17:09

Is friend Y laying on the meal at her house?

Thinking about me and my own friends - if friend Y suggested it and said nothing, I'd expect that she'd offered to do it at her own cost. If she offered to do it at hers but at the same time said 'if we all contribute to the cost of the food' then that would be fine.

It's a bit strange to sort of offer to make dinner for friends at her house and then later leave a phone message to ask for money.

I'd have no problem at all contributing - it just sounds a bit weird the way she's gone about it.

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 17:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:06

and what is wrong with a paid bar at a wedding???

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:05

you!

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:05

even more reason that you should help without moaning. it is expensive. she has not asked you to fly to the moon, just a tenner. and as it is your friends engagement party you should all be helping. If you went out to a resturant woudl you not expect to pay?

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 17:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:03

ThatBeetroot -Mucking in is fine but I think its a bit off when you offer to do something for someone and then expect them to pay for it.

Friend X has just called to check that I got the message. Some of the people going don't know Friend Y so Friend X is too embarrassed to ask them for money so she is paying for 4 of the couples herself.

OP posts:
ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:01

going to parp as it is making me cross

bakedpotato · 03/05/2007 17:00

agree with expat.
this tenner is only the beginning.
then you'll have hen/stag dos, maybe plane tickets to Tallin or wherever for the weekend. And hotel room.
wedding present.
maybe hiss a pay bar at the wedding itself.
crackpot.

Tutter · 03/05/2007 17:00

that's odd imo

Manictigger · 03/05/2007 16:59

Oxo - ditto. Quite often I make pud if we're going to some-one's for a meal and we always take wine but ASKING for money? Are people going to start charging for dinner parties soon? It's a bit odd, like that childrens party thread a bit ago.

AnneJones · 03/05/2007 16:58

Could you offer to bring food instead? Agre asking for cash is a bit.....you know

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 16:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 16:56

I ownder if anyone has bothered to offer