Not to do DP & his son's washing anymore?

I was, too, bozza.

My dad was in his house, too, as were all five siblings.

FWIW, I think people baby their kids here too much, then wonder why there are all these slobby, sexist, dysfunctional adults out there.

Family means team. As in everyone pitches in and does his/her share as appropriate to his/her age.

Teaching kids chores teaches them respect for their stuff, other peoples' stuff and the other members of their family.

And 13 is old enough to use an iron. Or just go about wrinkled.

When I was a teenager I was expected to do a stint at the ironing board doing the family's ironing.

Hang on a minute before you pull the wicked step mother routine. There is NO WAY that I would do MY dd's washing and ironing when she is 13. I might do her washing if she puts it in the basket and I include it with the rest but I will NOT do her ironing. I don't enjoy ironing and I only do it for her now because she is too small to do it herself.

FYI my mother was the same and showed each and every one of her five dc's how to use the washing machine when we were 12. I think this is entirely reasonable, we are wives, partners and mothers but not housemaids.

Yes - i am afraid you are being unreasonable. MY dd1 is exactly the same, in fact i have to fish very dubious clothing out of her pit of a bedroom, welcome to the world of teenagers. BIG mistake to differentiate between stepson and your own child as this will lead to resentment (believe me, i know). I would lay the law down to step son, as you would your own, if he wants you to do his washing then he must bring it down in time etc and then it can all go into one wash and that you wont be doing separate washes. That is fair. Perhaps DP should help more around the home. I imagine working from home is tough, what do you do?

I staged a strike when DC's were teenagers (can't remember exactly how old) so now theoretically everyone does their own washing and ironing. In practice, I generally shove anything that's in the utility room in when I'm doing a wash, but I don't iron the kids stuff. I do usually do DH's but since his work started the casual clothes thing it's usually only a few polo shirts.
Also DD is always willing to iron my/DH's stuff for cash - I pay 10p per item, but fizzbuzz's post makes me wonder if I'm being mean (especially as she does it better than me!)

Good point DMO, but if the stepson is 13 he should now be able to do the chores. I have told my 2yo that if she does not put her clothes in the basket, I will not wash them and she won't be able to wear them. Obviously with a 2yo this could backfire, but she has lots and lots of clothes (grateful recipient of many handmedowns and gifts) so it would be a while before it was a problem.

I think most of the stepmothers on this thread have older stepchildren ie children who are old enough to do some chores, maybe? If I had a 14yo and a 5yo, for instance, I'd expect the 14yo to put their own clothes in the linen bin and maybe load and unload the machine.

But really I think this is about the dads. They shouldn't be using their dws as unpaid laundry maids.

just reading this thread has upset me a little why do most of you deal with your own children but not with your partners?
once a step child lives in your house it should become your child to share not thats mine and thats yours
my mum and dad divorced when i was 6yrs old and we all lived with dad, when i was 8 dad met a lady who he later married she had a 5yr old (her dh had died) and myself and brothers were always treated different (still are) when my sister (my dads dd and step mums dd) had a baby step mum said this is my first grandchild (my boys were 8 and 9) and she is always buying the baby things and having her overnight (my boys have never slept over)
my dh and i are thinking of adopting in a few yrs and i hope to god i treat my boys and the adopted children the same

I'm a SAHM but my dh still irons his own shirts after he made rude comments about how they were done.
he also made some lounge about all day comments so I did for two days. the state of the house. he can now see what I do all day.

my dd 'helps' with the washing at 18months

not unreasonable cheeky blightier!

Keep leaving it there, QoB. Be strong.

Sorry, but I do not get men who are so lazy and disrespectful they can't be arsed to put their clothes in a washing bin and expect their wives to pick up after them like hotel staff/maids.

Or women who silently seethe but put up with it.

I mean, if it doesn't bother you, fair enough.

But if it does, then DON'T DO IT.

I told DH that was sick and tired of picking up his dirty clothes from floor when basket was 2 feet away and if it wasn't in the basket it didn't get washed, not working regards the basket biut not washing it either. Me and DD have lots of freshly washed clothes and he has nothing

When I work at home I confess to doing a few household chores incl stuffing things in the machine. It takes no time. But I would expect that they sort their own washing, make it available regularly not in a big lump, and do their own washing.

As for a 13-year-old able-bodied kid not doing the ironing, well, then he can run around in wrinkled clothes.

I'll be damned if I'll be policing stuff like that for someone that old.

I was doing my own laundry at the age of 8. It's not hard. You put it in, put soap in, turn a dial and push a button.

I was doing my own ironing by about the age of 10.

Or it just didn't get done.

As my mother said, 'I'm your mother, not your maid. You want a maid? When you grow up, you get a job so you can pay for one.'

My 3-year-old helps me load the washing machine.

DP and I take it in turns - week on, week off - to be responsible for washing. We do our own ironing but are lucky and have a cleaner once a week who does some of it. On the other weeks we do all the food shopping, cooking and washing up. It always surprises me to read threads on here about DP/Hs who don't pull their weight - how on earth do you respect a man who can't pick his own dirty socks up? Although, to be fair, our first child is due in December, god only knows how that will mess with our carefully worked out systems!

'He is now in a strop, banging doors etc, saying that all I do is lounge around all day etc and basically he is acting like my 2 year old who is not getting his own way.'

Why, oh why do people put up with behaviour like this?

Seriously.

Splitting the bill, blah, blah, blah.

HIS washing, HIS son's washing, his problem if he's going to be using you as a skivvy.

You work full time from home and you allow someone to tell you all you do all day is lounge around?

I don't think so.

You see we don't have this seperate washing and ironing thing going on. I organise most of the washing but ask DH to maybe put on a load I have left on the bathroom floor or bring the stuff in off the line. We do the ironing in shifts in the evening 2-3 times a week. So on Monday I started it and did what I could during Coronation Street. Then I went to the gym and he did what was left. I do tend to do all of DD's tricky blouses and dresses though.

But in your case I suspect this system would not work because you would do your half, leave him his and he wouldn't do it. So you have to do what you have done really.

DH sometimes works from home but I don't expect him to do housework beyond getting the washing in if it is raining or putting some jacket potatoes in the oven.

presumably then, you have an income?

I would ring around ironing and washing and cleaning places and sit down and have a discussion.

You obviously are not going to...but act as If you are going to ring and employ these people becuase your work brings in an income.

So no shouting just a discussion, until he says "look we can't afford this" at which point you have him by the testicles so to speak

I also know exactly how you feel re resentment and can offer loads of sympathy, because I felt like a F laundrymaid.

Also lots of laundry is heavy, pulling out of washing machine, hanging on line etc, and it made my bad back much worse.

Hoolagirl I feel your pain, I am in exactly the same circs however I just do the bare minimum of house work and they wouldn't dare ever complain. You are not a servant. Stand your ground, it is very very important that you are not percieved to be a dogsbody. So what if he has a strop? You are in the right.

We couldn't really afford an ironing service, but it became a necessity really, as about 80 garmets are washed every week in this house.

That equates to about 3-4 hours ironing, and is just too much when you work full time.

I think you have to make him realise that when you are working form home, you are working, not sitting around watching "This Morning"