Not to do DP & his son's washing anymore?

Oh and DP does the washing, anyway, following an Incident when I did object, a couple of years ago, to doing constant bloody washing all day.

I work from home. I do unload the dishwasher but that is IT. I do bog-all housework because I am supposed to be at work.

Blimey. How do men get away with it? How do they manage to convince somone to do their laundry? I don't know about when you make kids do their own (mine are young) but a grown up!

Yes it's that bit by bit thing I don't do

Must remember that

KTeepee, I even iron the tea towels. Fortunately I like ironing so I don't see it as a chore.

spotter I think you have to help him just now. I think the first step is for him to know where everything goes. So have a place for everything in his bedroom. Then ask him to just tidy up bits rather than tidy up the whole lot. So go in, decide what is the biggest mess, and say "DS can you put your dirty clothes in the basket/lego in the box/books on the shelves/whatever, please". And do it that way so that he is not overwhelmed.

BTW why is there so much ironing? We only iron things like shirts - everything else is folded as soon as it comes off the line/out of the dryer and so doesn't need ironing.

I am a sahm and don't do dh's ironing - in fact I do as little ironing as possible for me and the dc's too....

If your dp doesn't want to do his own ironing, he should find an ironing service and pay someone else to do it, imo.

Ah - but at 7 it would be a regular parent and child effort - too young to do alone at that age. I am talking about big teenagers.

going out now to shops

Hmm, my DS is still only 7 so I feel I can't abandon him to it (much as I would like to)

Am trying to get it so that at least he knows it's his problem when he's older, and knows how to do it in theory if not in practice. But am not getting very far

Ds1's room looks like the aftermath of a hurricane at a car boot sale - but it is not my problem. He is old enough to take responsibility, and suffer the consequences if he can't find things.

Oh how do all you people whose children keep their rooms tidy do it?

I just can't get mine to. DS has this mental block about putting his clothes/ books/ toys away and it drives me nuts.

It doesn't help that I'm a slob too so am not as on the case as I should be every single day.

Think I've answered my own question. Are you all tidy yourselves?

Everyone should be responsible for their own laundry from about the age of 13 or 14. And their own bedroom, homework and shoe cleaning.

fizzbuzz - you are right, what one does for your stepchildren in the way of household chores is a big issue.

I started off not really knowing but being aware that my stepsons had been brought up with a full-time nanny/maid and waited on hand and foot by all the adults around them. However, my partner was not at all happy with their upbringing and gradually, between us, we have worked on getting the boys (now 12 and 9) to do more for themselves.

However, on principle, I don't go near their bedroom and bathroom on a regular basis - it gets a spring clean when visitors use it, otherwise the cleaning lady goes round with a hoover once in a while, but that's it, they have to look after it. We did spend a LOT of time designing their room so it was very easy for them to hang up their clothes, put their shoes away and their dirty laundry in a basket, and that effort has paid off.

The more I go on, the more I realise that I do not in any way want my relationship with my stepchildren (and my own daughter) to be one of servitude in any shape or form, but one of upbringing. I don't do anything for any child that that child is already physically and mentally able to do for him/herself. But I am very patient about showing the children how to do things, explaining why it is necessary (with good humour) and letting them doing things less than perfectly to start off with.

What'sdwrong with going out in wrinkled clothes? me, my DP and two ds's do. Anyway, body heat soon smooths out the creases.
Ironing is not part of my life - too many other things i'd rather be doing. (btw DP irons his own work shirts)

Reading lots of threads about housework, the one thing that strikes me is that the ones who complain they don't have the time are the ones who IRON.
My mum has NEVER ironed anything in her life except her DH shirts for work, and she is now 63yrs old.
I had a friend at school who had to do ironing for her mum, dad and brothers from the age of 11yrs until she finally left home at 25yrs old.
Ditch the iron it is not needed.
Only work clothes need ironing if at all.
Who cares if you have a couple of wrinkles?
They just get creased as soon as you wear them.
The drudgery of the iron saps the spirit!
AB

A you say you work fulltime I really don't see why on earth your dp thinks you should do any more housework than him. You both work fulltime - place of work is irrelevant. So all chores should be evenly split; when doing that then obviously consider who is where when. etc

Whoever said it doesn't take much time to do the washing, if you do it properly, it does. It takes 10 minutes to sort out whites from wools and coloured and make sure that the precious cashmere red jumper doesn't get put in the hot wash, or the red thing doesn't go in wiht the whites and turn everything pink.

And hanging it out takes me 20 minutes. I try and do it as quickly as possible but it takes 15- 20 minutes. Then it takes another 10 minutes to take it off the line and put it in a basket and take it inside.

That's 40 minutes before you've even sorted it into piles, let alone ironing. Quite a chunk out of a working day.

I agree you are not being unreasonable. People over the age of 12 are perfectly capable of doing their own laundry, although younger people might need guidance (re temperature, spin cycles etc.)

I also think you need to impress on your DP that you are working from home, not sitting on your arse from home. Your employer is not paying you to do the laundry.

However, what nobody ever told me about becoming a stepfamily was how the amount of housework would increase, it was never mentioned in any stepfamily books I read, and I think it is a very big thing.TBH I bitterly resented it, and still do.

I hate housework, and apart from the eldest the other 2 seem incapable of doing anything, despite our best efforts.

Whilst I was happy to be with dp and his kids, I was not at all happy about housework issue, it was a massive shock. In fact have often wondered about posting a thread about this on the stepfamilies topic.

I am sick of shifting all their crap, wiping away crumbs scattered everywhere etc. It drives me mad.

I think part of being a stepfamily is doing what works best for you as a family

My 3yo DTS put their clothes in the basket. You need to start as you mean to go on.

In this case the parents of OP's DSS have been negligent in their training.

Agree with expat, re the age appropriate stuff. Hence DD is 2 and expected to put her clothes in the basket. DS is 6 and is expected to put away his drawer clothes in the correct drawer. DH is 33 and expected to do whatever I ask.

Yes, this is definitely about age.

My dss are 20 and 17, and ds is 13. I still do ds's washing, but it is up to him to put it in basket. If dss were 5 and 7 or whatever, of course I would do their washing.
But teenagers are adult size, so everything is large size which takes quite a lot of dealing with

i do a lot of my ironing in the tumble dryer.i dry it in the garden and then if you stick things in tumble dryer for a few minutes only ( where appropriate) then when you take them out just hang on hangers or fold them up then whoever can just put their clothes away.

When I was 8yo, my parents showed me how to the ironing. Thereafter, I did the ironing for all the family until I left home, age 25yo.

Now, I still do all the ironing and I don't mind. I find it therapeutic.