to expect MIL to feed ds only what I leave out for him?

Yes.

Message withdrawn

They are doing you a fvour and you have to pick your battles.

So doing something that puts child's life a t risk (not using car seat or similar) = someting to be dealt with.

Giving him a weetabix, bury your head in the sand and pretend you don't know.

NOt everyone will look after your child in exactly the same way as you do no matter how hard you try.

They benefit from this more than the disadvantages.

I agree with the general gist of the thread. IMO, the grandparent-grandchild relationship is totally different to childminder-mindee. Difficult I guess to get the balance when they are regularly looking after the child.

agnes, there is a huge leap from offering a bit of weetabix in addition to what the OP had left for breakfast to disrespecting her right as a parent.

Actually, the grandparent is being unreasonable. Yes, they are doing you a favour, but most of them get as much out of the experience as you do. If they can't respect your wishes then you need to tell them. My parents have never fed my daughter anything that I haven;t given the okay to, but maybe that's because I have parents who actually respect my parenting decisions and aren't selfish enough to deny me the right to treat my child as and when I wish to.

Do not let grandparents push you about, they've had their turn at parenting, you now have to have your turn.

Agnes

My mil fed dd 9months some chocolate at Easter, which I only found out by accident.

TBH I wasn't bothered, one little bit of choccie didn't hurt her. Mil looking after her gives me a huge break! So I'll trade the little one offs, for some peace and space!

I thought weetabix was part of a balanced diet!

Can't see the problem myself, unless she was feeding melted chocolate over the weetabix!

YABU.

that should of course be ,

Why thank you Wnaderingtrolley, as a matter of fact I do take requests (for a minimal fee)

I think my mum would like to give me instructions for DS - in our "bonding period" before ihs adoption I ran out of nursery rhymes and started on "Four and Twenty Virgins", luckily carers only spoke Russian. {blush]

Oh, and I've had the full page of instructions for a baby.

"What to do if he cries"
"How he likes his bottle" including details of how to use my own microwave.
"His favourite songs"

He was 6 months old.
I'd been looking after babies for over 10 years.

"Bless," I thought, and launched into a jolly version of 'Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter' as soon as the door was shut.

OK, that last bit is a lie. Just.

yes you are being unreasonable

but it is forgiven as it is your first baby and he is only 8 months old

I think I was a bit strung out over dd1 at that age

I was walking toward you and had to dive out of the way.

You really must open your eyes. You do have a beautiful singing voice though - do you do requests?

yes and no - I totally understand where you're coming from, as in MIL did this with my DS once after i'd given him much the same as you with 9oz of milk, she then gave him 2 buscuits and a bottle of squash (and i'm not talking really well duileted either) anyhow I didn't say anything when I woke up and found out what he'd had as well - ooh and an extra bowl of porridge - which I wasn't as bothered about, anyhow the time for me came when he wouldn't eat his tea - my responce as all new mothers was well if he'd not had such a big breakfast he'd eat this - now he won't want tea won't sleep - I really did feel it was hte end of the world that day.

thing is thou, MIL then took on board that we didn't want DS to be fed anything extra iycwim, and now gives him grapes/dried fruit etc for snacks, and I have relented also and said we don't mind the odd treat as long as he's eaten his fruit/veg first.

so what tyou're feeling is natural, but it's all a learning curve for u as well as MIL, trust me i've learnt how to work things to my advantage, and tbh i'm not fussed if he has ice cream with them - cos I managed to have a 'me' day iycwim. and also it's a treat cos he certainly doesn't have it at home.

"am loving the image of a woman handing her child to her mother and running out the door with fingers jammed into her ears and singing LA LA LA" - wanderingtrolley were you following me this morning

LOL Suejonez.

Mildred, what are your memories of your grandparents?

Mine often had sweets/cakes, let me stay up late, bought me ice creams, let me watch too much tv.... I adored them.

Sue Jones speaks the truth. Also, am loving the image of a woman handing her child to her mother and running out the door with fingers jammed into her ears and singing LA LA LA.

Really, sometimes what you don't know won't hurt you. I'm paid to look after children and will do as I'm told. In return for looking after your ds she gets to spoil him.

Stuffed with biscuits before tea once a week is not a disaster. You could give him an early breakfast yourself, time permitting.

I want her to be able to be a Grandma as well as a childminder

agree

Grandma's are meant to spoil children - I remember one of mine ALWAYS had a packet of chocolate buttons in her dresser drawer for me which I scoffed when I arrived

My mum also has DS one day a week and I just shut my eyes stick my fingers in my ears and say "la la la la". They both have a lovely time and I am none the wiser. Peace reigns. I take the attitude that whatever she does, one day a week is not enough to create a habit and I want her to be able to be a Grandma as well as a childminder. Why not give her one or two unmoveable rules (no more) and explain why, then try to chill about the rest.

OO I always tended to find it wasn't so much the sugar rush as what he was like when the sugar wore off. hidious. and yet there was recently a study that said sugar actually has no effect - yeh right.

Yes you are , weetabix is hardly going to do him harm and won't upset the "balance" of his diet. Presumably he was hungry enough to eat it ?

By all means say you don't want him to have ice cream , chocolate, soft boiled egg, nuggets and chips etc yet or anything you think he reacts badly to but you have to allow her some leeway. If she were a paid nanny you could be more stringent but she isn't. If he were at nursery you'd have even less control. Presumably it is only breakfast and lunch for now anyway, 2 meals out of a potential 21 a week ?

bozza a friend of mine owns a cattery and she told me that she had a cat in whose owner left aa similar sheet of instructions. i mean the woman owns a cattery fgs

oh god yes the sugar rush

it is hideous isn't it, like having different children