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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to take my offer back - are we all being unreasonable??

35 replies

LowFatMilkshake · 01/05/2007 19:48

DH and I are part of a group of couples who are good friends and one way or another have known each over a decade. All bar one couple, (who have waited to have children) we all have children, most under 5.

The couple without children are now expecting and we are all delighted for them. But we found out that neither of thier parents have offered to buy anything for the baby, although it is the first grandchild.

The pregnant wife has asked one of us to accompany her to an second hand sale recently to help her spot things she might need, she also bought some things from a second hand shop. We dont have anything against getting stuff second hand as we all do it in our group, but we're surprised that she has done it for thier first baby, especailly with things like newborn clothes. As I guess like most mums the rest of us were all a bit prescious with the first, especially in the first few weeks and months, and wanted to get as much as possible new.

The PG wife also said her budget for the sale was proceeds from other stuff they have sold

We've told them, when they asked what things we feel were essential, such as a bed, travel and changing stuff etc. But at the sale the DW spent more money on toys etc and apparently did'nt really look at the other sort of stuff. But we just put this down to her being abit overwhelmed and unsure.

Anyway, we all felt sorry for them as we did'nt realise money was so tight. And so we've have given them a few bits we no longer need, and have made further offers of travel systems, bouncy chairs and moses baskets, sterillisers, linen and towels etc. And once baby arrives I am sure a load of clothes will also be offered from whomever has the same sex baby.

But talking amongst ourselves we have found out the the DH has just been away for the weekend clubbing with other friends. And the DW is having a jewellery party?!

Now we cant help feel a bit funny that all our offers of stuff, which were made because we thought they were a bit hard up are being accepted and yet they are still spending money on other things that are really not the sort of stuff you should be worrying about when a baby is on the way and money is an issue.

In truth, most of us cold actually keep what we have and sell it to raise money for our own families which we would use to buy more stuff we need. Or in some of our cases keep the things in case we have another baby

AWBU?!

OP posts:
LadyMacbeth · 01/05/2007 19:55

Sorry, thread has moved on since I opened it. My brain is too slow for MN.

NurseyJo · 01/05/2007 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyMacbeth · 01/05/2007 19:55

But... there's nothing wrong in going clubbing! People need to have a life you know, especially with a baby on the way!

What is wrong with a jewellery party? It sounds as though she is hoping to make some money.

If you wish to take your offer back then yes, you are all being unreasonable, sorry. I would hate it if a 'friend' was peering over my shoulder and tutting at my financial decisions. If you don't need the stuff anymore then what in earth is the big deal in lending/giving it to her?

LowFatMilkshake · 01/05/2007 19:54

I dont actually think any of us would actually go back on our offers - in the spirit of friendship and generosity, but we cant help feeling as SimplySparkling says miffed!

OP posts:
burstingbug · 01/05/2007 19:53

Is she hosting the party?
I host parties on occassion, can never afford to buy anything though, I hold them for the social aspect. If people buy things at the party I get free gifts or a big discount/half price items.

If she intends to buy jewellery she could have been given the money for it as a present.

But imho, my priority is baby things, 'me' things are not overly important.

LowFatMilkshake · 01/05/2007 19:52

The party is commission off products she buys so she still has outlay - know this as I had party first.

DH goes clubbing monthly apparently. In fact until DW was PG they both went - together.

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 01/05/2007 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SimplySparkling · 01/05/2007 19:51

I'd say that you should stick to the offer once it has been made though I appreciate fully the points that you've made about spending on non-essentials and socialising. I'd be a bit miffed but that's what I would do.

morningpaper · 01/05/2007 19:51

Yes you are being unreasonable

I think if they are having a first baby they should get is as much clubbing as possible

And jewellery parties are partly to make money for the host aren't they?

I bought everything second hand for my first, including clothes, buying new seemed a waste - we weren't POOR but would rather spend money on nice things like going out for meals

I would offer her any things you have that you don't need (do you REALLY intend to sell them, with all the hassle that goes with that?) and just give it in the spirit of generosity with no strings attached

mummytosteven · 01/05/2007 19:50

possibly. jewellery party is probably a way for her to make money - as I understand it the hostess gets a commission - say 5 or 10% on whatever is ordered! also DH may have been read the riot act and been told he won't be able to do the clubbing after the birth.

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