To be annoyed when people tell me I am "lucky" that my children are well behaved?

I'll excuse your smugness, Wallace, because you're right. It's bloody hard work but it pays off.

My nephew and niece (6 and 4) are a PITA at mealtimes. They have been raised in the 'Tarquin's a free-spirit' school of parenting and, as a result, have no social graces whatsoever. I dread going out for any kind of family do with them as they run around in restaurants, crawling under other tables. My B and SIL always respond to any complaints about them with the ....'Oh god! Aren't the english so uptight about children in restaurants! In Italy.... blah, blah, bloody blah.....

I have pointed out to them that in Italy children understand not treating a table/restaurant as a fecking theme-park and are therefore goood company to eat with.

Rant, rant, rant.

And yes, we get the 'aren't you lucky?' crap as well.

YABU. My daughter is one who goes to bed fine and I put it down to sheer dumb luck. Yes, some bad behaviour can be down to parents not setting boundaries etc, but all children are different and some need to be handled very differently to others. I would just count myself lucky if I were you (and hope that mine never go through a phase of bad behaviour...).

think about it. if someone with kids said oh, arent you a good parent, you managed to get them really well trained,

they are saying I Am Incompetent.

it makes them feel better to call it luck because it means you're not better at it than they are, its chance. like a kiddie lotto!!!

in a way YABU and in a way you aren't sometimes kids are just a pita and there isnt a lot you can do to sort it, if shes working just as hard as you then it would make you lucky. but if her methods leave a lot to be disired (ok why cant i spell?!?!) then i understand you being peeved!

But some people work at it bloody hard and persevere and still have kids who bounce off the walls till 11pm. It's hard to believe when hard work and perseverance have done the trick for you, but it's still true.

I know I get a lot of undeserved credit for dd's good behaviour. Some of it is deserved but also, I really am lucky.

That's what I was thinking Pruneli. My two children are so very different to each other. The first was immaculately behaved and we used to get showered with praise about our parenting skills all the time.

I well-meaningly gave advice to other parents about how I had done it. Then dd2 came along and I realised that nature, not nurture had done me a favour.

What Did you want her to say about it?

What if she is working just as hard as you but has children who are resistant to all but the worst kind of boot-camp parenting? Perhaps she does feel you are lucky in that your children respond to you better than hers do. It may not be a direct compliment to you r parenting but it's not an insult.

Yes YABU.

WHen people tell me I am lucky my children are well behaved I just agree. Then give a silent prayer in thanks that it is true. It's hard enough anyway, don't know how I would cope with difficult children.

i totally agree! my mil always comments on how lucky i am to have a ds who behaves and sleeps so well and goes to bed early.

No its not luck its the fact that i ignored all the critisism (sp) about sticking to a routine.

And did it anyway!!

I don't know. I used to think it was the dp's fault TBH but since I've been spending so much time on MN and reading about dp who have say 2 well-behaved dc and 1 they can't cope with, I am less sure that it is to do with good parenting.