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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed when people tell me I am "lucky" that my children are well behaved?

136 replies

Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:19

This has happened a couple of times recently. A friend who struggles to get her 3 and 5 year olds in bed before 10pm told me that I am "so lucky" that mine (9months, 5 and 7) go to bed early. Err, no. That might be down to my bloody hard work and perserverence, wouldn't you think? Also her dh is always around for bedtime, and my dh is rarely here at bedtime so I do it singlehandly.

Now I know I sound smug (okay, I am smug), but why when children misbehave do people look on, tutting, blaming the parents. But when children are being good it is down to luck?

OP posts:
JustUsTwo · 26/04/2007 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:58

Well put.

And they do get up at 6:30

OP posts:
Lact8 · 26/04/2007 20:57

I agree with Pruni here, 2 of my DC would be classed as 'good' children, one would definately be judged as 'bad'. And is also the one who I have to try the hardest with and get the least response from in terms of my 'hard work'.

Pitchounette · 26/04/2007 20:56

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:55

lol swifterella

OP posts:
Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:54

Sorry Pruni, didn't mean to hurt you

When they are all teenagers you will probably be posting about your well behaved ds, looking down on me with my out of control hooligans

OP posts:
staceym11 · 26/04/2007 20:51

but prunerli, we do recognise that you are a good parent too, because you care about how well you're doing etc. when you stop caring you'll be a bad parent!

swifterella · 26/04/2007 20:51

pruni my DS is so bloody un compliant its scary and my smug mates love it when he wacks me round the head when i say no to him (today for example) please let me besmug that he goes to bed at 7...please

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:50

that's it staceym11. Some recognition!

OP posts:
swifterella · 26/04/2007 20:49

you are a terrible mother

Prunerli · 26/04/2007 20:49

I'm fine, thanks. I just do particularly hate when threads like this get going and people who have got relatively compliant children get very very smug about other people's parenting. I mean, I know I do a good job in sometimes not very easy circumstances, I don't care what any of you personally think of me, it's the sweeping "they're saying it to make themselves feel better about their crap parenting" comments that trip off the tongue so glibly - have you any idea how hurtful that is, actually? I could easily have said what the op's friend said, and you could easily be thinking that about me, and even though I'd know it was crass and wrong, I'd still be hurt.

staceym11 · 26/04/2007 20:49

at 9 months my dds bedtime was 10pm, she'd then sleep till 10am (i was a lazy mummy! )

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:48

And is this the right time to admit that my 9 month old is still up? (he fell asleep in the car on our way back from my parent's after supper)

OP posts:
staceym11 · 26/04/2007 20:45

wallace i think thats exactly it, some of it is luck but some is hard work, my dd would run rings around me if i let her but i dont therefore she is well behaved (most the time)

but sometimes just feel like some recognition!

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:44

I do agree, I am lucky. But I also think that it isn't just luck. They wouldn't be as well behaved if I didn't "parent" them (for want of a better word)

OP posts:
staceym11 · 26/04/2007 20:42

ok prunerli (sorry if i spelt that wrong) i can see what you mean but from the op recent posts you can see they arent just difficult children and could do with some boundaries.

shes not saying you arent a good parent!

Piffle · 26/04/2007 20:41

quite,
Mine are well behaved because I am the terrible toddler and there is no way they can outdo me.
plus when I got pregnant I put my order in for nice ones ta very much
And I put a lot of work into them being nice kids, or they might have been that way naturally, I guess I'll never know.
I'm just glad they are whether I did or some other force smiling on me did it.

swifterella · 26/04/2007 20:40

oh dear pruni, u ok?

swifterella · 26/04/2007 20:39

wallace are you me? Have very similar friend, reckons it is luck that DS (20 mnths) goes to bed at 7 and sleeps through. Ur no, I worked bloody hard for him to do that u old bag. i also do it single handedly as O/H works crazy hours. stupid cow

beansprout · 26/04/2007 20:39

You probably have no idea how lucky you are. None of really know if it's us or just the children we were given. Yes, some parents try very hard but you've obviously had a bit of luck in having children who respond to what you do.

JustUsTwo · 26/04/2007 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Prunerli · 26/04/2007 20:37

Oh I bloody hate threads like this. You have no idea how much hard work some people put into it. I feel like a fucking synchronised swimmer most days working bloody hard to make things go smoothly, and the sum total of that is that ds might go along with it if he feels like it.
I could I suppose terrify him with threats or beat the shit out of him to get him up to a certain standard. Just have a bit of grace about it, some of you.

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:36

Oooh, I never thought about it that way mtpw and justustwo

OP posts:
Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:34

Hooray! I've waited a long time to be told YABU, thank you
I do know that luck (eg. nature) does have something to do with it, but the children in question aren't particulary "difficult", they just need a few more boundaries!

I felt like telling her exactly what I was thinking, but of course I didn't.

OP posts:
JustUsTwo · 26/04/2007 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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