To be annoyed when people tell me I am "lucky" that my children are well behaved?

You guide them. They have their own personalities. We all teach our children good manners I'm sure. Mine have great manners but are also strong willed. DD1 was showing her strong stubborn will at 9 months old fgs.
How do you expalin families that have children who are complete opposites.

I hate that some people are so up their own arses they want to take all the credit for their childrens good behaviour. When people say to me 'you've done a great job, she's lovley' I say 'hey she get's the credit for her loveliness, she makes being a mum easy'.

Hills completely disagree on so many levels, surely children can learn from their parents mistakes ?

I'm just glad I had DS1 first.........

A child will turn into whatever you teach them.

My ' stop taking all the credit for your children's behaviour, they are their own people ' commet goes to all those who think's 'you're lucky to have well behaved children' comments is being unreasonable. It's NOT all YOUR hard work, you are just the bow, they are the arrows, some of their behaviour is up to them, go can only guide them the rest is up to them.

I hate it too, people say it to me all the time, my dd walked in front of someone in M&S today she turned around and said "oh sorry" to them, the lady was so ataken back, it made me grin with pride.

Also my dd's can only eat in the M&S cafe as they cater extreamly well for their allergies, I am alway being complimented on their table manners.

It's very hard work but there is no need for bad manners, or badly behaved children unless they have a medical or learning problem.

thomcat...I've been itching to say words to that effect myself. i personally love it when people tell me I'm lucky with my DS...gives me a warm fuzzy glow knowing that together we make a pretty decent team...

Take compliments for what they are and don't read too much into other peoples words...i'm sure your friend didn't think about it too much before she said it..

went around to friends with 'perfect' dd this week and dd proceeded to hit me on the leg and be about as obnoxious as she can be , hence me feeling absolutely useless whilst knowing ds is at school being wonderful and feeling so lucky

I have worked very hard to ensure DS1 is well behaved. And I am very lucky that DS2 and DD are well behaved.

I swear having this section on mumsnet just gives people a reason to find something they can rant about!

Here Here Tom !

I'd say you were being a bit unreasonable. My kids can be perfect one day, and demon children the next. I certainly don't take responsibility for every bit of behaviour. I'm lucky if they choose to be delightful, and unlucky if they don't, regardless of how hard i try to get it right.

I'm always pleased to get a compliment like that, it certainly wouldn't piss me off.

Yes you are being unresonable. you may work hard but you are still ucky that your kids do as they are told.

I work hard too, bloody hard but I have a DD with Sn's and both my girls are stubborn, strong willed children who know what they want and it's not always what I want. It's hard but I do my best.

So yes you're lucky. What the chuffing hell is wrong with being told you are lucky you have well behaved kids?

It's not all down to you you know. You actually shouldn't take all the credit for their good behaviour, they are their own people.

So take the compliment about your kids, which is what it is and stop trying to take all the credit.

prunerli, i apologise for my flippant remark, although it wasnt directed at you (obviously since i dont know you!), but must smile at your "people who make these comments have compliant children" remark, since my 2 are autistic and life is indeed quite thrillingly challenging! they've been called a lot, but never compliant!

well i had a lovely baby with dd and a horrible 2 yo, whereas ds is a horrible baby (well not horrible but an awful lot of hard work) can i have an easy 2yo please?

Message withdrawn

JustUsToo it got to me because I am exhausted.
I spend a good proportion of each day not enjoying being the kind of parent I have to be to just get anything done.

only just realise that came directly after your post pruni

Prun i understand completely. I do think all parenting is down to an element of luck. Two completely different dc's as mine r/e sleep same tactics worked with one didn't with other , surely there an element of luck in that. All children have different personalities some will be more comliant than others i think it's the 'smugness' that is irritating.

can see both sides of the arguement tbh

dd was nightmare for her first year and we had to fight tooth and nail to sort her sleeping. now she goes to bed easily and it's 'luck' apparently, not our hard work and sleepless nights!

ds on the other hand was always a bit easier and i do think we are quite lucky with him, but to the casual obsever there's no differance between the child we had to fight and the child who'd happy to go down at night (whether he stays down is another matter!)

i believe it is a mixture of luck and parenting that moulds a childs behaviour but even with the best parenting there are some kids who will just be that bit less well behaved.

you friend just sounds like the type who doesn't want to try and put the work in though and refuses to believe that to do so could make alot of differance

DS1 - biddable, easy-going, head in the clouds, has a tendency towards laziness, has herds of friends.
DS2 - strong-willed, needs STRICT boundaries, works his socks off, finds it hard to fit in with his peers, has a heart of gold and a fantastic sense of humour.
One is easy to parent, the other is extremely hard work.
Does it mean I am a crap parent to one child, but can flollop around in a golden pool of smugness regarding the other?

lol swifterella, I did larf at your post coming directly after mine
Look I am not wounded (but thanks wallace) though obviously this does press some buttons with me. It's so easy to put a child's behaviour down to x,y,z and I know some parents don't 'do' boundaries, to their detriment. but please spare a thought for those of us who have high-octane kids who just don't comply, don't respond. It's a fine balance in our house between getting ds to behave acceptable and not turning into this.