To be annoyed when people tell me I am "lucky" that my children are well behaved?

I have brought up my children to be stunningly attractive. NO excuse for those hideous children I see. Just very bad parenting.

Wallace, I think we all know parents like that!

I have friends whom I love dearly, but their DD is exactly as you describe "she goes to bed when she likes" (she is six FGS). Yes it is irritating, but then, she is more obedient than mine about other stuff which they are heavier about than me. I think it comes down to what you prioritise as a parent.

Now that I agree with Wallace
people who moan about their kids but do sod all about helping them to change. I know somone who doesn't put her kids to bed, they go when they want. Would be up at 11pm at 2 yrs old. Whatever, each to their own but then how can the same person moan that their child is sucha difficult child? errr hellllO!

I thought I was the world's greatest mother when I had dd1. Seven years later dd2 came along and they couldn't be more different. Am at how smug I used to be.

Of course parenting plays a big part but a lot of it is down to the personality of the child.

"It's very hard work but there is no need for bad manners, or badly behaved children unless they have a medical or learning problem"

You are mad. All children are bad mannered or badly bheaved from time to time, whether they have medical problems or are perfectly healthy.

My DS quite often eats with his mouth open and uses his hands. Nearly every single mealtime I remind him that he needs to use his cutlery and close his mouth when he is chewing. He has had stickers for doing well, pasta in the jar, toys taken away for not doing well, etc. Nearly every fucking mealtime for about four years. Don't fucking tell me or imply to me that he eats like that because I can't be arsed to pay any attention to his table manners. It's just self-congratulatory shite. And he has no SN or learning disabilities. He just wants to eat like that. At some stage when he's older, I'm hoping he will see for himself the disadvantages of it. (His sister otoh, has reasonably civilised table manners.)

Interesting thread. I think well-behaved children are a combination of luck of personality plus consistent parenting.

However, I'm also a teacher. I teach two classes who are known to be very difficult around the school in general but are usually lovely in my lessons. Now, is that because I'm lucky, or is it down to how they are "managed" in my lessons? I don't know the answer but every time I have another pleasant lesson with them, I certainly FEEL lucky, as I've heard what they are like in other lessons!

Pitchounette - I agree with you, but some of those things are down to luck. I didn't teach my dd to have the light on, one night out of the blue she just ried and said 'light' over and over till I put a lamp on and now she has to have a night light to sleep. Where or where did that come from? I didn't teach her to get out of bed every night and sleep by her door either! Anyway I'm waffling, but basically what I'm getting at is that some thngs you can teach, some things you are lucky and they learn and put into practice every day of their lives. Sometimes we're not so lucky.

Waht am I on??? What??? I'm not on anything Hills, what do you mean by that?
And just to set the record straight here I didn't say I saw YOU as up your own arse, i didn't name anyone.
I am merely saying that I don't think parents should take all the credit for children's good behaviour and that being narked by someone saying 'aren't your chidren good, aren't you lucky' is nothing to get narked about.

Maybe your post came across more simplistic than it was meant then Hills, just that i spend the best part of my working life with children trying to emulate anything but their let down parents and feel it is really difficult to generalise them in the they are what they learn category, no offence intended.

Of course you are lucky! I certainly think I am!

I am lucky enough to be able to raise my children in an environment where they have good housing, food in their tums and good role models. Where there aren;t thugs loitering on my doorstep keeping them awake at night. Where I am aware that they need to have a regular consistent bedtime routine and that I need to spend time setting out the boundaries of acceptable behaviours. Lucky to have money coming into the household to pay for them to have the experiences I want for them. Lucky to be able to help them with their homework, to be able to read the letters home from school and reply to them. Lucky not to be addicted to drugs/alcohol TO BE WELL!

Sheesh - I could spend all night here listing the reasons why I am lucky - why my children are lucky! I am astounded that anyone would take such enourmous advantages for granted!

Message withdrawn

My dd's have their own personallities alright! no doubt about that, why would I want them to be something they are not?

I was not saying that at all! They are who they are!

What are you on Tomcat?

A child is a child, we are here to guide them in the right way, I really dont get where you are coming from, you thik me as some sort of up my own arse parent but I am so not. You have read me totally wrong.

Of course I want my dd's to behave themselves and be polite etc doesnt everyone! I'm poroud of them when they are yes I am but I dont get narky if they are not they are children after all.

I guide them in life yes, dont swear, dont spit, stick your finger up your ass in public etc.

I hate this sort of pick you appart thread.

Maybe you didn't come here to argue and all points of view are valid but i really cannot agree with the point that your dc's become what you teach them rather than their own perrsonality with your influence ?

Nobody wants a bad mannered child. My eldest says excuse me, please, thank you, bless you, covers her mouth when she coughs, apologies when she's done something wrong and so on and so on. I taught her those things but I don't take all the credit for her being the person she is.

Wallace I agree with you, certainly on the bed front.

But going on what you have said so far Hills you must have taught them to be stroppy.

Do you teach your child to have a tantrum? Did you show her to lie on the floor and cry if you took a pen out of her hand? Becaue I didn't. And DD1 didn't ever have a tantrum in her life and she's 5 now. DD2 had a mini tanru where she threw herself on the floor and cried by the time she was 1! . She's never seen anyone have a tantrum, where did she get that from.

DD1 slept through the night at 8 days old! Was that just me being bloody lucky or is that my wonderful parenting skills?

If my dd's want to be strippers or a lawyer I wouldn't care I wont have an unmannerly pup though.

Blimey I've not come on here for an arguement! My dd's are stroppy little sods sometimes but I guide and teach them, I am proud of them when they are polite and well behaved... Jesus Get me off this thread.

There is something sinister about the idea that we turn them into exactly what we want them to be.

How many of us became what our parents taught us to be? I know I didn't.

Thans lilylou, feel bristly myelf so nice to have you alongside me, feel calmer! TC x

I feel a nature or nuture debate coming on!

Thom you are so right ,bristles at Hills comments.