To think you shouldn’t call a child an idiot?

This thread is 7 years old.

Until you have kids you won't know what a stress they can be sometimes. For example this evening I called my 6 yr old a name. He was bring stubborn and awkward about getting changed after school. I was up until 5.30 this morning with panic attacks, I'm over tired and hormones are raging to top it off. I didn't mean to call him a name but it slipped out and I regret it. Sometimes you're just pushed to your limits as a parent.

I think its not so bad saying 'behaving like an idiot' compared to 'you are an idiot' - the latter seems much worse but I agree about the don't judge when you don't know the context. Most of us have been there.

I get your point op, I'm careful to say to my dc she is acting like an idiot if the occasion arrives rather than out and out calling her an idiot. One is temporary and other is a permanent statement.

With my dc she faces learning difficulties anyway so I feel it would crush any confidence or her will power to overcome them.

If she calls herself an idiot I jump through hoops to explain she isn't but just did something silly which is normal.

It might seem trivial I suppose but to me it isn't.

The trouble with "idiot" is that it did used to be used as a medical term for those with special needs - I found this:

MENTAL DEFICIENCY
The 1913 Mental Deficiency Act defined four grades of Mental Defective. In each case the condition had to be present "from birth or from an early age". [Until 1927]

idiots were people "so deeply defective in mind as to be unable to guard against common physical dangers"
imbeciles were not idiots, but were "incapable of managing themselves or their affairs, or, in the case of children, of being taught to do so."

I know people don't use it this way now, but it does make it seem worse as a term - rather like you wouldn't use the words "cretin" or "moron" which were similar.

But you don't know what he was actually doing? It isn't great, obviously, but if he was doing something actively dangerous then I can completely understand her reaction. I don't have children either, but I don't think it's hard to imagine that she might have panicked as well as being cross.

I did quite recently hear a mum in the supermarket scream at her toddler to 'shut the fuck up you stupid little bitch'. That one I find harder to imagine the circumstances that would make it understandable.

Not a nice word to use but you don't know what he was doing. He could have been licking the floor for the 48th time that day and mum was at the end of her tether for all you know!

Never said I felt bad for saying ‘for goodness sake’, we just seem to be a little over sensitive on this post and did ponder on whether that was also on the list of things that shouldn’t be said

I’m sure I say worse infact. I guess it’s also the way you say it though and the context in which it’s said.

Needs more context

I see no problem with it. Sometimes kids are idiots. I've been known to tell mine to "stop behaving like a weirdo!" before as well, when they were behaving absolutely weirdly... Doesn't seem to have affected us.

It entirely depends on how it's said though. If it's said viciously then it's different to a bit of a light telling-off.

Always say behaving/acting like, rather than *are

Same with naughty - stop acting like a naughty girl, rather than stop being a naughty girl.

I have the same rules as @seriouslyjuicy I cannot abide the words idiot, stupid or shut up said to anyone. All these words were used by my parents towards me growing up and made a huge impact on me. In fact, I still internally call myself a stupid bitch when I don’t catch myself in time.

Sometimes people - including kids - are idiots. I don't see what's wrong with calling them so! I was called 'idiot' plenty of times and to be fair, generally, it was because I was being an idiot.

I think it depends on context, in a jokey situation it’s fine but not in anger

Pinky I can't imagine feeling bad about saying "For goodness sake!" What on earth is wrong with that?

Op I agree. I think that an adult calling a child an idiot is awful.

Yep used it on mine as they were being an idiot and they knew it. Will tell them that they are being silly/ acting like an idiot but make it very clear to them that they are not stupid which is entirely different.

I'm not sure why anyone wouldn't say 'for goodness sake'!

Because you must be the most calm/patient/wonderful mum if you think saying 'for goodness sake' is pushing it a bit.

Mine are now adult so I can use FFS if I want.

It's really easy to judge what others do with their kids when you don't have any. I've more than surprised myself with some of the things I've said when I'm at the end of my tether and that I never would have thought were ok - they're still not ok, I just judge people a bit less harshly mainly because I've had to be kinder to myself.

While it's not great to use words like idiot, stupid or shut up kids will hear far worse at school and, in the context of a secure, loving relationship, any hurt can be healed.

It's ok to feel awful for the child, but spare a thought for the parent - you have no idea what they're coping with day to day. I'd hate for someone to be assessing my parenting skills or my relationship with my children after a week of no sleep, endless toiletting accidents and constantly having one or other (or both) physically attached to me while struggling with a cold and the period from hell. That was me last week and I did, at a particularly low point, call my DD stupid. We spoke about it later and we're fine but someone only hearing that snap shot would be on mumsnet gathering judgy views and damning me as a mum - which is exactly what makes it so difficult to ask for help.

It's not ideal, but everyone makes mistakes.

I’ve been known to to use ‘for goodness sake!!!’

I say 'for goodness sake' so often that DS(5) now says it too

Hmm it doesn't sound like a very nice way to speak to children to be honest.

I had once or twice with utter frustration and feelings of banging my head on a brick wall.

But generally speaking, calling anyone an idiot in this house is a no-go.

But as the OP said we have bad days. So long as it’s occasional.
They could be called far worse.