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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO not want to spend my wedding anniversary with my IL's?

89 replies

ComeOVeneer · 23/04/2007 14:19

The plan was that the children stay at Il's on Saturday night so dh and I can go out for dinner and have a lie in the next morning then head over there for lunch on the Sunday and pick kids up. The Sunday being our actual wedding anniversary. Now SIL who still lives at home has decided to invite a friend to stay for the week-end (after our plans were made) this means there is now nowhere for the kids to sleep. MIL has decided to back SIL plans over her son and family, even though it means she won't get to have her grand children. We will get a baby sitter so will still go out on Saturday, just no lie in on Sunday. Anyway we were over their for lunch yesterday at it appears MIL still expects us to drive up for lunch on Sunday. If she isn't having the children I don't really want to go there on my anniversary to have lunch. I wanted to go somewhere with dh and the kids for a nice lunch, just the 4 of us. DH is torn as he doesn't want to upset his mum and says "well we did already say we would come". AIBU to not want to go? SHe pulled out of her plans, so why can't we?

OP posts:
Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 23/04/2007 14:40

I know LMG. DH has even commented how lucky he is to have my mum as his MIL.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 23/04/2007 14:39

What about dropping the children round for lunch and going off on your own for your lunch? If the weather is nice you could take a picnic, find a secluded spot in the woods and do something to really celebrate your anniversary?

LowFatMilkshake · 23/04/2007 14:39

As others have said tell MIL you have changed your plans following thier change and you are now going to a local restaurant and will be enjoying a nice walk through the park with DC's on the way there and back. Tell her it is already booked!

As for SIL mort...... No bl**dy way!

What is it about womens IL's - we have it so much worse than men!

Our mums do so much more for them and try to be nice by baking them cakes and buying them socks and hankies!

Holly29 · 23/04/2007 14:35

I think you should book somewhere on your own with DH and kids, definitely.

Mortgage thing is a bit tricky - families are weird things. Talk to DH about what he wants to do, but if he does end up giving her the money, make sure that it's a loan or even better a % stake in the property, so that his share goes up as the flat goes up in value! (and if she ever sells, she has to give it back).

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 23/04/2007 14:33

That is the problem littlemom, I am sure she will see it as an act of revenge if we cancel going for lunch, and I will be the culprit.

OP posts:
bellabelly · 23/04/2007 14:32

Can your DH help out with my mortgage too?

bellabelly · 23/04/2007 14:31

ROFL - now that would certainly cloud MY judgement! That's unbelievable!!!

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 23/04/2007 14:29

Thanks for your replies. I don't get on with my MIL so that tends to cloud my judgement.

Another issue I have with her at the moment is that SIL is looking to buy a flat and finally move out. SHe is in her early 30's. She can't afford to get a flat on her own income, so MIL has saidthey will help out. Fair enough, it is their daughter, their choice. However they can't afford to give her all that much, so she has asked dh to contribute as he has a high income and according to her he can afford it. Wether that is true or not it is not the point. We have our own mortage, bills, 2 kids to support etc, why the hell should we be paying for his sister's mortage?

OP posts:
littlelemon · 23/04/2007 14:28

No, you're not being unreasonable. I would feel really peed off about them changing the plans. As long as you not going for lunch isn't seen as an act of revenge, rather than that it just doesn't make sense for you to make the journey when you'd rather not.
Not sure if I'm making myself clear!?

Have a lovely family day - just you, you dh and the kids.
How far away are the grandparents btw?

Tanee58 · 23/04/2007 14:28

Agree with the others - it's YOUR anniversary and you should spend it as you wish. There are plenty more Sundays to go to MIL's.

bellabelly · 23/04/2007 14:25

How annoying - not at all unreasonable to want to change your plans as a result! Of course the fact that your kids aren't now staying there on Saturday night changes things with regards to the lunch. If your DH feels bad, saying "well we did already say we would come" just respond with a sweet smile and say "well, she did already say the kids could sleep over on Saturday but that ain't happening either, IS IT?!"

mumto3girls · 23/04/2007 14:24

Say 'no sorry, plans your end have changed so plans our end have changed too' then book a nice lunch elsewhere...

Tommy · 23/04/2007 14:24

agree with marie.

I think, from reading so many of these threads about MILs is that a big part of the problem is husbands not wanting to "upset" their Mummies..... It's the same here - DH won't say anything to rock the boat with his famil;y even if it means that I'm unhappy with the plans - what is about men and their Mums?

marieg76 · 23/04/2007 14:21

No you're not being unreasonable. You should spend your wedding anniversary as you wish and should not be backed into a corner by someone else changing their plans.

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