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AIBU?

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Original poster

To prefer that my kids were adopted by anyone BUT my inlaws in the event of my death?

54 replies

whomovedmychocolate · 16/04/2007 20:10

Am currently on holiday with MiL, DH and DD (hotel has wireless so have snuck away). We stayed with SiL last night and DH (quite undiplomatically while I wasn't around, told SiL - she would NOT be named as legal guardian in the event of both of us dying because she is too old.
She went flipping mental and was still going on about it three hours later when we had dinner, wherein I tried to calm things by pointing out that she is 50-something now and she may not want to inherit a 13 year old when she is in her 60s, that as I am 20 yrs younger it'd probably never come up and that social services would have to assess her suitability if it did and that perhaps my brother and his wife (my age, three kids) might appear a better fit.
At which point MiL (80) pipes up 'well if it happens we would FIGHT for her'. SiL agrees and says 'I'm sure I could convince a court I was suitable if I hire a good barrister'.
When I responded that my daughter is not an object or prize to be wrestled for they said 'well it won't be of your concern - you'll be dead'!
DH and I discussed it later that night and as soon as we get back we are appointing two sets of guardians and making sure DD is protected from all this.
Would you leave your daughter in the care of these self-obsessed harridans? Not to mention any future children we might have.
I'm so angry with both of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
whomovedmychocolate · 16/04/2007 20:50

VainBen - do we SHARE inlaws?

Mind basically hated me till I got pregnant and then kept patting my belly saying 'when is 'our' grandchild/niece coming out then.

Gemiegoatlegs - I don't drink so no, that wasn't the problem. SiL basically thinks the sun only shines to reflect light on her shiny arse and that the world revolves onto to show off her best side She's the most insecure, conceited piece of jumped up flibberty jibberteryness I've ever met...did I mention I don't like her much?

DH was undiplomatic, but she takes any decision she doesn't like as a personal affront. We are both secularists and plan to raise our children with no religion. SHE had a hissy because this meant SHE couldn't be a godparent and had bought a new dress for the event (which we'd never discussed with her because it was never going to happen).

The only good thing I can say about them is that they live a VERY long way away.

OP posts:
ValnBen · 16/04/2007 20:28

Whomovedmychocolate?.. know exactly where you?re coming from on this one.

Had similar myself with the in-laws ? now thankfully the out-laws.

XP (DP at the time) decided to get our ?things? in order.

Part of which was our wills.

We both decided that we didn?t want either of our parents to be appointed guardians ? party due to age but mostly due to differing/aged parenting methods.

Anyway, we decided on each of our youngest siblings ? my sister being 18 years younger than me, his being 5 years younger than him, but 12 years younger than me ? so mid 20s for my sister early 30s for his.

His mother HIT THE ROOF!!!! to say politely!!!!

But, on hearing that her youngest was one of the guardians her response was ? ?oh good only xx (my sister) to fight then!!! Bring it on!!!? complete with hand clapping ?like hurry up and die then so I can get my hands on him ??

Thankfully they are out-laws now and XP?s idiot of a solicitor has convinced him that he has PR already?..erm..DS born 2002 ? before the law changed in 2003 ? we were never married --- thing JF must have been involved here somehow ? Not champing at the bit to tell him different ?.so out come ? he has no PR ? neither do the GP?s????.Never actually got round to signing the will anyway?..

Lovecat · 16/04/2007 20:20

Oh Good Lord...

No, you are not being unreasonable! Not at all!

I suppose, trying to be even-handed, that SIL may have been upset by your DH's tone or the way that he put it, but to say they'd 'fight' for her?? Madness...

gemmiegoatlegs · 16/04/2007 20:19

it sounds like a conversation that got carried away - maybe they were a little hurt to know they would not be considered in the event of your timely demise...were you all on the vino?

At the end of the day, it is you and your dh who will make those decisions. I think anybody would have to make a bloody big committment to look after somebody else's kids FOREVER anyway. I find looking affter my own quite hard enough