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Original poster

To not know how to discipline my 4 year old

31 replies

Waltzered · 09/11/2017 10:49

My 4 year old is great except when walking to/ home from school. He runs ahead to try and get with his friends, doesn't listen to me, won't leave the playground when I ask. I'm really embarrassed because it's always in front of other parents who have well behaved kids! He screams at me when I tell him off, and says he doesn't care about any punishments I threaten him with. (Time out/ losing toy for the day when we get home if doesn't listen).

I'm at a real loss as what to do. He's always been so well behaved up until starting school. I've never really had to tell him off.

OP posts:
OuchBollocks · 09/11/2017 11:16

A clip on lead for his backpack. One warning that if he bolts, he goes on the reins.

Original poster
Waltzered · 09/11/2017 11:15

I can't hold his hand, I'm pushing a heavy pushchair as well. He used to hold onto the pram but now lets go off it and runs. Mostly because he sees his friends doing it. We live very rurally, so there isn't so much the danger of cars etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Waltzered · 09/11/2017 11:12

It's the ignoring that I can't cope with. Yesterday we got to the school gates before he ran back into the playground. I went and got him, he was kicking and screaming that I was hurting him. (I wasn't). All the other parents where watching. I felt so embarrassed and so judged. I don't know how to make him listen to me.

I have my baby in the pushchair or he would be going in it. It also makes it harder to catch up with him when he runs off, which he knows and exploits.

OP posts:
Itsonkyme · 09/11/2017 11:12

Hold his hand! Why are you not holding his hand. I pick my 7 year old Gs up from school and still hold his hand. If he tried to get out of holding your hand. Shake him gently by the hand, then bend down to his level and tell him that he has to hold your hand. No threats, no time out, no losing toys!
Just you are doing, because I say so and end of, don't back down.
You said that, he was embarrassing you. If you let him get away with things because being firm, or his reaction to you being firm is embarrassing you, then you are teaching him exactly what to do, to get his own way.
"Only have to embarrass Mummy and then I get to do anything I want".
Be firm! Ignore the shouts and screams! Drag him by hand if necessary!
He will soon back down but you have to be consistent.

Gatehouse77 · 09/11/2017 11:07

For the running off I would do this.

Explain in advance that there are new rules for walking to school. If he doesn't heed your instructions the consequences are that he will have to hold your hand all the way.
Set him small goals. You can run to the next lamppost, tree, etc. and then wait for me to catch up. Then you set the next goal. If he doesn't listen you hold on tight! Be tough to start with, no exceptions. Then, as he begins to understand the consequences of his actions you can relax it a bit as you see fit.

The ignoring is harder. Do you give him a warning such as we're leaving in 5 minutes? If he doesn't come when asked, go and get him. If you have to drag him away kicking and fighting then that's what you do. After the event ask him how he felt about it - was he embarrassed to be seen behaving like that? Is he feeling cross? If so why? Try and get to the bottom of it when emotions aren't running high.

RavingRoo · 09/11/2017 11:01

If all else fails and he’s being unsafe, get a cheap pushchair and force him into it in front of his friends. It’s heavy handed yes, but you’ll only need to do it once for him to get the message.