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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable about friend planning drinking games for Fri night when pregnant????

32 replies

looneytune · 16/04/2007 09:15

Off to a friend's Friday night for girly night in. Just been chatting on MSN about plans and she's going on about drinking games and seeing if she can keep up etc .

I know some people drink when they are pregnant, I had 1 very small glass off champagne on my wedding anniversary and that what is but I know others who have glass of wine with meals etc. It's not that I'm getting at, it's the amount of strong alcoholic drinks my friend is obviously planning on having. Mentioned cocktails, shots etc.

Now I feel uncomfortable because it's just me and her so if I wasn't going, she wouldn't be drinking so much (well, I can't be sure) at 6 months pregnant! I also feel weird about drinking games with her.

Don't know what to do. She probably does it all anyway but I feel very odd about it. Should I still go? What would you do?

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Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 13:07

rebelmum - I know I can't make her change what she does but having someone say something direct like that could POSSIBLY make her think IF she WASN'T already aware of the dangers. Knowing her though, she knows and chooses to drink anyway. She's totally anti smoking when pregnant so maybe she THINKS it's ok to drink on occasions. She's now told me that she normally only has 3 glasses of wine and then she's drunk (when pregnant). Just my opinion but I wouldn't at all.

Anyway, thanks again for the support ladies

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rebelmum1 · 16/04/2007 11:24

just seen the result - good one

rebelmum1 · 16/04/2007 11:22

I don't think its live and let live in so much as you can only let your feelings be known. You can't make someone stop their behaviour. You are powerless in this respect whether you agree or not. Good for you looneytune - keep us posted

Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 11:13

Thanks. If you knew me in RL you'd know I HATE confrontation and hardly ever would say anything but I felt THAT strong about this, I HAD to say something. When it comes to children I just can't help myself. My sister smoked when she was pregnant with her first and it disgusted me and she knew it. She's now the worst ex smoker I've ever met

Right, job done, everyone happy, not a bad result at all

Off to play in the garden now before baby wakes for her feed

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FioFio · 16/04/2007 11:06

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Carmenere · 16/04/2007 11:05

That is really great Looney

Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 11:03

No, the more and more I thought about it, the more and more I got wound up and decided to say something and sod it if we fall out. That didn't happen though so that's good all round

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Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 11:02

WOW, she's come back and is fine. She said she was just going to down shots of martini and lemonade and I said I wasn't really happy with that either as it's all part of the drinking game etc. I told her I would much prefer a pizza, couple of glasses of wine and a girly chat so she's said ok, we'll forget the cocktails and shots, and the games and just have a quieter girly night and she may have a glass of wine with lemonade - I'm much better with that now

She thanked me for being honest about how I felt and I feel great as I've now made it perfectly clear what my views are and maybe made her think about it a bit more.

Thanks for helping me know I was right to feel this way

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zippitippitoes · 16/04/2007 10:57

GOOD I DON'T SEE ANY REASON TO HOLD BACK sorry unintentional caps

Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 10:56

Sorry can't reply to each of you, just popped on quickly whilst kiddies have their snacks

I've MSN's her straight to the point!!! I really was quite blunt about it. Her baby means more to me than our friendship to be honest so if she gets p'd off with me, fine, we don't see each other but MAYBE she may THINK about what I said!!

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batters · 16/04/2007 10:50

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clarinsgirl · 16/04/2007 10:49

Agree with Lizzer - might be a good idea to keep away. I simply would not be able to keep quiet. I know all about not judging etc but I would judge. In my world, drinking excessively and smoking during pregnancy are heinous crimes and no amount of 'live and let live' would keep me quiet. If you feel the same way then I think you have 2 choices - keep quiet and keep away or tackle her. Sorry for lack of political correctness but I have none!

Lizzer · 16/04/2007 10:43

Hi Looneytune, my friend was similar to this though she masked her drinking with guilt.. but still didn't stop! I think she's dependant. I'll never forget her partner saying to us, "right, well I better take my drunken pregnant girlfriend home then," ITs just all so I hated it and I stopped speaking to her (though didn't have the guts to say why).Luckily the baby's fine and she's b/feeeding and drinking loads instead. Its soooooo horrible, and like I said I had to remove myself from being around her and still do even now the lo is 5m old. I'd keep away if I was you, there's no point upsetting yourself.....

FioFio · 16/04/2007 10:40

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zippitippitoes · 16/04/2007 10:39

drinking games with just two women and one of them pregnant...strangest thing to suggest

i'd say er no what a silly idea

Carmenere · 16/04/2007 10:36

Two things, drinking games, shots ect, are alcohol abuse, a glass of wine(or two) with a mate to relax on a Friday is totally different.

It is strange that she would want to do that anyway with just the two of you and when she is pregnant it is totally unacceptable.

Secondly as a friend, I would say 'hang on a minute, you are pregnant, we will just have a couple of glasses of wine'. End of story. And if she objects just ask her how you are supposed to relax when you fundementally disagree with her behaviour. If she makes an issue of it, give her a miss.

rebelmum1 · 16/04/2007 10:17

Good luck anyway, no matter what you feel about it you can't make her do anything.

FioFio · 16/04/2007 10:13

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InTheHouse · 16/04/2007 10:12

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Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 09:50

Inthehouse - x'd posts. I could say I was shocked at what I read but why would that affect ME drinking? (need something that she believe )

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Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 09:48

Right, I've decided, I just can't ignore this so I'm going to speak to her. When I say 'speak', I will chicken out and do it via MSN as we don't actually call each other anyway. Plus, we're both childminders so have lots of noise going on.

I felt awful after my small amount of alcohol on my wedding anniversary but at least it was more like 2/3 sips (tiny glass) rather than a whole load of cocktails, shots etc.

Wish me luck - GULP!

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InTheHouse · 16/04/2007 09:46

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rebelmum1 · 16/04/2007 09:41

However you decide to handle it, just make sure you don't feel responsible for her. You're not.

JodieG1 · 16/04/2007 09:40

I would have to say something to her. If she still insisted on drinking then I wouldn't go. I would feel too bad for her poor unborn baby who she is damaging. I didn't drink at all in any of my pregnancies because studies show that they just don't know if even 1 drink affects the baby. I've read newer studies that show that even 1 drink makes a difference to the baby in it's movements etc. Not worth the risk imo and I would feel responsible if I went while she was drinking, at least if you talk to her your consience will be clear.

Original poster
looneytune · 16/04/2007 09:35

Lulamama - I may well have a word but I honestly think she knows the score but chooses to do things her way. This is baby number 4 so maybe she was like this with all pregnancies???

Glad no one has jumped on me saying it's up to her I just can't help this uncomfortable feeling

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