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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking dd to a party only ds has been invited to?

41 replies

Pesha · 14/04/2007 13:31

My ds (3.8) has been invited to a party this afternoon by a friend from playschool. He can be quite manic so I wouldn't want to leave him there, for their sake more than anything! I had intended to get someone else to look after my dd who is 6 but completely forgot (baby due on monday so was half expecting to have had it by now and so not be going anyway!).

So I have told dd that she can come but cannot eat party food, wont get a party bag and has to play nicely, not trying to take over or anything and come and sit with me when I tell her to. I wont dress in her party clothes just normal clothes and was thinking Ill spend slightly more on a present than I normally would. Its in a big hall with lots of soft play blocks etc, have held 2 parties there myself for dd, so I know there's no limit on guests or things provided IYSWIM.

I know i wouldnt mind if someone did this to me but I feel ever so cheeky doing it. Am I being unreasonable do you think?

OP posts:
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littlelapin · 14/04/2007 21:04

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Fillyjonk · 14/04/2007 18:42

oh god though, its all part of having kids close in age, surely/toddlers who can't be left at parties etc

I never mind older or younger siblings at parties and I'd do a party bag for them and feed them. Why not? Its a party, a celebration, not something to get all precious about.

Original poster
Pesha · 14/04/2007 18:41

Lol, I would think its more than likely they did, shopping was probably just the cover story!

OP posts:
Oblomov · 14/04/2007 18:34

Only shopping Pesha, I'm surprised they didn't go off to the pub, or for a shag

Original poster
Pesha · 14/04/2007 18:30

Thats the thing Oblomov although I wouldnt mind at all and think most people wouldnt (assuming its this sort of party in a hall and not at a soft play centre or somewhere where you pay per child) I do think it is quite rude still really or could be seen as such. And I did ring but had left it so late there was no answer so did turn up with her unannounced in the end but luckily as i said they were lovely.

A couple of years ago a friend of mine had a party for her dds 4th birthday and someone brought not only their 4 yr old daughter but their 2 year old son (still in nappies which I had to change!) and left them both there to go shopping And were late back to collect them!

OP posts:
Oblomov · 14/04/2007 18:14

Everyone understands Peshas predicament. Good God, I'm surprised she even managed to get there being so pregnant - well done.

I'm so glad you all had a good time.

And I am so glad that you rang before. It is polite. No one would mind, if asked beforehand, surely ?

But I did have 3 extra siblings (3 different parents bought their invited child and a sibling), arrive unannounced, to ds's party.
It really wasn't a problem becasue we had loads of food, extra party bags and the children were totally lovely.

But later, I did think to myself,that personally, I actually thought that is was a bit rude -on the parents part, for not asking.

Maybe its just the norm and acceptable these days.

powder28 · 14/04/2007 18:05

Which school LL?

Original poster
Pesha · 14/04/2007 17:58

I went to school in Sherborne, much nicer. Not quite sure how I ended up here

And thank you Jampot

OP posts:
littlelapin · 14/04/2007 17:53

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powder28 · 14/04/2007 17:45

Trowbridge is far superior to melksham LL

jampot · 14/04/2007 17:42

glad it all worked out pesha and good luck with your imminent birth

littlelapin · 14/04/2007 17:39

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pesha · 14/04/2007 17:32

Well I suppose Yeovil isnt really but its a long way from Would like to move to one of the surrounding villages but cant see it happening.

Im confused by you asking about frome but then I'm confused by most things at the moment!

OP posts:
powder28 · 14/04/2007 17:21

That was just a random enquiry by the way! I live in trowbridge, but it could be worse, it could be melksham

powder28 · 14/04/2007 17:19

Just wondered.
Why is yeovil

Original poster
Pesha · 14/04/2007 17:14

No, Yeovil () why?

OP posts:
powder28 · 14/04/2007 17:11

Pesha, you don't live in frome do you?

Original poster
Pesha · 14/04/2007 17:09

I also spent about twice as much on a present than I normally would as I was taking 2 guests

OP posts:
Original poster
Pesha · 14/04/2007 17:07

Sorry to just disappear, read a few responses, went off to phone the mother and noticed the party started half an hour earlier than I thought so had to race off to tesco and buy a present!

They were absolutely fine about dd being there and she actually said I could leave them both and go home for a kip if I wanted! I didnt though, ds has a tendency to get abit over excited and i did have to tell him off for pushing a few times and wouldnt like to expect someone else to deal with his temper. He was no worse than any of the other boys mind which was reassuring They also offered her food (there was loads there) and gave her a party bag which I tired to turn down but she said 3 children hadnt turned up and she had spare anyway.

DP is at football which isnt the greatest reason for him not to have dd but its something he's commited to.

I felt cheeky because although I personally wouldnt mind I realise it is an imposition as she's not been invited and worry it might put them out if they had only just enough food or whatever.
Also dont like the idea that they might be annoyed but then wouldnt want to seem unreasonable so say its fine and then bitch and moan behind my back about it!

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jampot · 14/04/2007 14:12

Freckle that would have made me so cross.

MintChocChippyMinton · 14/04/2007 14:11

I have had to do this myself, at a similar style party, was but hostess was fine about it (I did drop in a thank you note the next day though)
On the other hand, i don't mind extras at my DC parties, usually send them home with a packet of smarties and slice of cake.

Freckle · 14/04/2007 14:10

I had the mother of one of DS3's friends call to ask if she could bring her daughter to DS3's party. I said that, as it was being held in a soft play centre which was open to the general public and not booked exclusively for the party, I was sure that it would be fine.

She and her dh turned up, told the play centre staff that I'd said her dd could be a party guest (I hadn't - I was expecting her to pay and amuse her dd herself) and just left. I'd never met the child before and she didn't know anyone other than her brother. I didn't even know her name. She spent the entire time following her big brother around who clearly didn't want her there and kept hitting her. I ended up paying for her because it wasn't fair on the staff.

The mother later tried to do this the following year, but I made sure that she couldn't that time.

I think if she'd called and said she was heavily pregnant and her dh was working, I'd have been more than happy to accommodate her dd, but as neither was the case I was extremely angry that she'd just dumped her dd on me so she and her dh could have a nice lunch together (she told me afterwards that's what they'd done).

deepinlaundry · 14/04/2007 14:07

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jampot · 14/04/2007 14:04

i didnt see that it was in a hall - not sure really.

Why do you feel cheeky pesha?

Greenleeves · 14/04/2007 14:01

Perhaps the children's father is at work? My dh certainly would be at the time most children's parties are held.