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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be too enthusiastic that dp wants to go to Japan for the third time in a year.

60 replies

Carmenere · 11/04/2007 20:21

Dp does martial arts and is very, very highly graded. He goes to Japan regularly to train with the soke(master teacher) and he also studies Japanese traditional medicine. He went to Japan just before Christmas and just after. I understand that it is important to him and, although I was a bit peeved at being left on my own twice in a short space of time, I dealt with it.

I travel alot for work and often it is to nice places but it is still work. He doesn't want me to go to Japan with him even though dd would be fine with my dm, he says I never take him on my trips. FFS, there is no question of me taking him on my trips as others are paying for me to be there.

He, when under pressure, grudgingly says that we will have a family holiday this year(we have only had one in the four years we have been together) But when pressed he is evasive.

Now he has a history of being incredibly selfish and self absorbed and tbh I am pretty fed up with it

If he can't see that A: we need a family holiday together and B: it would be nice if I went with him to Japan, I think it is a sad indictment on our relationship and that I am not going to spend the rest of my life taking second place to his ambition.

OP posts:
MuminBrum · 11/04/2007 20:47

Romantic? This is a work trip we're talking about!

Carmenere · 11/04/2007 20:47

TBH I'll probably roll over on this as long as we can firm up a proper holiday.

OP posts:
kama · 11/04/2007 20:46

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MuminBrum · 11/04/2007 20:39

OMG, Kama, that is an appalling idea! Much as I love my DP, if he turned up unannounced during one of my work trips I would be beside myself with rage.

kama · 11/04/2007 20:36

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Message withdrawn

Carmenere · 11/04/2007 20:36

My work trips are press trips paid for by property developers(Jesus this is the thread that anyone in rl who knows me will twig my identity from). Very occasionally partners are invited but I have only been on one of those and he did come with me.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 11/04/2007 20:32

The sensible Carmenere says yes you are right, he is very busy when in Japan, say 'off you go dear' enjoy. The petulant Carmenere says wanker doesn't enjoy my company any more. I met him in Japan, I know what it is like, I would enjoy it even though I don't train any more(I can't train now as dss trains and he was our babysitter).

OP posts:
MuminBrum · 11/04/2007 20:32

I know this isn't what you asked, but why can't you take him on your trips? My DP sometimes comes with me on my work trips - I reimburse my employer the difference between a single and a double hotel room (we use corporate credit cards) and his share of meals etc.
In answer to your question, no, I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable. However, I would imagine that on his trips to Japan, he is concentrating pretty hard on what he is doing. It might be very difficult for him to give you much attention when you are together. I'm not making excuses for him but you might not find a trip to Japan with him very enjoyable.
As to a family holiday, why don't you go ahead and book something for a time you know he is free?

hunkermunker · 11/04/2007 20:26

Why else would he not want you to go to Japan? Does he usually spend a lot of time with other martial artists there? DH used to do martial arts (black belt karate and aikido) and there was a fair culture of lads going out for a drink after training.

If that's the case, I can see he's thinking of his trips like your work trips - not that they're work, more that there won't be anything for you to do and he doesn't want to alter what he does on these trips to make it more fun for you.

As to not taking a family holiday, that would grate with me too if DH was going to Japan fairly regularly.

Can you book a weekend away somewhere nice and talk to him away from home about it?

jenk1 · 11/04/2007 20:23

no i dont think you are being unreasonable at all.

Do you think he could be envious that you get to go to nice places and that you dont have to pay?

I would be mightly peeved if DH didnt want to take me abroad with him so you are right to feel annoyed.

Have you talked to him about how you feel?

jen
xx

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