to think my 2 year old's behaviour is extreme?

well, my DD can get out of her cot too - it's a signal. I also close her door firmly, and she can't get out of that. I do think if you have the type of child that barrels out from a time out/thinking spot (as both of mine do) then a secure door and a baby proofed bedroom is a good idea.

The discipline method as such doesn't really matter as long as it's consistent - it's effectively dog training at this age, I do A, and B happens and I am not keen on B.

I think she is enjoying negative attention and keeps goading you to get a reaction. Could you try a removal of something she likes/put her on a naughty step instead of shouting. She is in the lime light if you are so focused on her. Positive reinforcement for good behaviour. She is only 2 so it takes time to establish boundaries that she understands.

I have an almost 2.5 year like that. An absolute whirlwind of energy...or 'spirited' as some have put it. She's a smart cookie and only really does crazy stuff once to test the boundary.

When she's doing something I don't like, I tell her firmly to stop then literally remove her from the situation. I use a 'naughty step' too and she gets it.

I've had to get a bit creative on ways to engage her, she's a bit different from my eldest. Things like the peg basket and a towel kept her busy - pegging the pegs neatly around the edges. Also pegging them in colour groups. Quite fiddly toys are good. Also pouring water and stirring stuff.

DD1 was very hard work (they’re both adopted though birth sisters). When she was at her 18 months assessment the doctor assessing her described her as the most active child she had ever seen who didn’t have ADHD. (Sometimes I wonder about that, she’s 8 now and has Attachment Disorder.) She just wouldn’t keep still at all, and used to hurt herself regularly.

At least at that stage she was an only child. DD2 came to us at age 1, when DD1 was just under 4. She was a breeze by comparison though very stubborn (no change there!).

All we could do was supervise very closely and try to use distraction. But she was just like your DD at playgroups, not sitting still.

Time out in a cot or anywhere else didn't work for us, as from 18 months they both dived headlong out of there, or would immediately get into mischief. Removal of privileges worked best.

fish i do the same - it will get better. DC1 was a big slapper/pusher of me, over tired, anything didn't go her own way, very demanding. She's a wonderful, creative, brilliant 7 year old now. It tapered off every month after 3.

Where were you when she undid the babies bottle and poured it out? As someone said up thread you need to be more on the ball. The butter thing I wouldn’t worry about, laugh and distract for that.

I think you need to make her sleep a priority. All children need plenty of sleep, your HV are just saying that as they are out of suggestions.
Could you afford a sleep coach/consultant?

It does sound normal to me - not in the sense that every 2yo is like this, but in the sense that some are and it doesn't mean she has special needs.

I think at 2.5 she's nearly able to understand consequences of her actions - 'if I do this, then this happens'. If not, she'll soon be able to. So the naughty step or reward chart methods start working. Decide which one you prefer and stick to it!

Sounds normal for an over tiered child especially after a busy morning. How much sleep does she get?

I have two DC close together in age and the rivalry can be pretty intense. I think your DD sounds normal. My DC1 is now 6 ,no SN, but he is so energetic I find him utterly exhausting. At around two I spent my life excusing myself because they are busy leaping up walls and tearing round the supermarket/bus/cafe/whatever. My parents say my DC are super energetic compared to their other grandchildren but I find it more manageable if they both have lots of structure, strict bedtime routine, and a lot of exercise, I literally take them out and make them run, no screen time except at weekends helps too. Hang in there, I found it really hard at around two and a half but it gets better.

we would time my 2 yo old in her cot for anything physical like pushing, hitting, kicking etc. Immediately, first time. Find what they hate - being ignored, etc, and devise a clear menu of consequences.

I stopped losing my temper so much when I knew how i was going to react to every trigger - push sister, cot for 2 mins, says sorry, comes back. push airer, cot for 2 mins etc.

Whatever you do, do it consistently and act immediately. I was much less tough on my first dc and put up with years of it!

Sounds normal - if very trying. Do you have any options for time off?

Ds was still napping at that age,she could be over tired.

Are you getting out for fresh air? I know you said you went to a group but it sounds like she could do with a run round. I agree with removing her from situations and distract,don't waste your breath screaming or too much explaining. Is she trying to get your attention?

Does she still have a nap? She could be overtired. Mine were always really naughty if they were tired even though it seemed like they were full of energy.

Normal. My now nearly 3 year old was exactly the same, but is getting a lot better every week. He seemed to have a bit of a developmental growth spurt at 2 years 10 months and started talking a lot better and being much better behaved. Hopefully she will too, so hang in there!

Could you pay for a couple of sessions of pre-school a week to give you a bit of a break?

'Normal' does not exist when i comes to toddlers! My 2.5yo son has periods of time that leave my throat hoarse from shouting so much. I do think what your describing though is more than acting out from tiredness/hunger etc I'd suggest going to see your GP, they might refer you daughter for behavioral tests. It's worth it just to rule it out.

I think you need to be more on the ball tbh: make sure you are between her and the baby in the high chair, remove her the first time she pushes her sister or gets at some clothes she's not supposed to have. Be on the lookout for potential clashes and pre-empt them.

Just telling her to stop doing it isn't working. You need to actively stop her doing it. Lift her down while telling her. That way she learns that when mummy says I can't do something I don't actually get to do it. If she is a spirited/impulsive child it may be a year or two before the penny drops: you just have to keep at it.

I am worried that she managed to push over the high chair with sibling in. The clothes thing I wouldn’t worry about too much but being left to physically harm a younger sibling is serious, your younger child could have been horribly injured. Warnings need to lead to restraining if another DC is physically at risk of harm

I have one like yours. I have to helicopter the hell out of him, as he is in a 'that's mine' phase and continually taking toys away from other children. It's actually a relief when he does it to his sister because then I don't have to apologise to another adult.

He won't sit still unless he is eating and even then he is likely to fidget. I miss the high chair and the ability to strap him down.

I look at other quietly sitting children with envy and am lowering my standards of acceptable behaviour at the dinner table.

So hopefully it's normal and a phase 😂

Now my kids are older I really look at 2.5 yr olda aa babies! When yiur 1 yr old is that age you will look back and think the same. She sounds completely normal to me.

Also I always think if a toddler is being particularly difficult then they're probably; tired, hungry, thirsty or need a poo.