To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

Can you go on holiday though? We can't at the moment (ds1's autism makes it impossible), and whilst I can accept that I hate it, I hate the feeling of being trapped, and I find holiday talk difficult. I'd hate to be kind of told that I could do a wonderful x, y and z, by someone who could go on holiday whenever they fancied iyswim. Wheareas if someone in my situation said "oh I know its really shit, have you tried days out in parks" then I wouldn't be irritated (although given my attmept at a 5 minute trips out today I think the answer would be no!)

Some people can't see past IwantIwantIwant.

But I do understand how pressured by life she must feel, although if you have already bailed them out a bit, it must be annoying to hear her whinging about a lack of holiday, and make you wonder how much of their problems are self induced.

Sounds like she feels really fed up with the current situation and equates a holiday with getting away from it all. In an ideal world it's the last thing she should be doing financially but it IS hard if you feel that crap about life.

We haven't had a holiday for the past two years and won't have one this year either because we simply cannot afford it - but I'd love one. Fortunately we are in a nice part of the country so can have days out.

The National Trust are good for family days out if there are places near her - annual family membership is about £70 we belong and it keeps me sane. If there are not many places near her though it's probably not worth the money.

speedy - can understand your frustration at the situation you described.

If she went away last year then she can wait! I thought they'd not been away for yonks

bloody eck - they'll regret it when they return home to a pile of red letters,

DP & i have been together 7 years and have NEVER had a holiday together (apart from 1 week with all the family 6 years ago that was paid for by my mum)

holidays are so expensive thse days anyway. my parents used to rent a really basic cottage in some remote part of the UK - outside loo anyone? but it was cheap. I saw a holiday cottage in Devon recently, it was done up with a luxury marble kitchen. Not surprisingly, it cost a fortune to rent.

It depends on your priorities. I don't go on holidays away from home every year but it doesn't make me feel deprived.

My mum insisted on holidays every year when we were little (we're talking a week camping with a box of food from ASDA) and made economies throughout the year to pay for it.

Of course it's not a right, but it's not a priviledge either, it's just how you decide to dispose of your disposeable income - if you have any.

We were lucky in that my grandma lives in a very picturesque part of Scotland so when things were very tight that was our holiday.

Agree absolutely. Some years we have a holiday, some years the money goes on other things - like moving house! (and that is with both of us in well paid jobs)

If she wants a holiday she should get a job.

What's wrong with her.

Sorry, I'm not a very sympathetic person!

a holiday with children isn't a holiday anyway is it really

it's the same old shite but with different walls

I agree that people deserve a break but do not think that this means that people have a "right" to a holiday.

However, I do wonder, speedymama, if her comment was more a reflection on the fact that your comment about "not having what we can't afford" was really quite patronising and could even be considered smug if you said it in the context of not being one of those people yourself?

I agree that to go on holiday when there is a money shortage is certainly not smart, but where redundancy and money stresses are concerned I tend to keep my mouth firmly shut about other people's situations. It is easy to have opinions without all the facts.

I agree with you Speedymama.

If you can't afford it, you can't have it. Simple as.

It's relevant however much you earn.

BTW - DH & I haven't been away for about 5 years - we didn't even have a honeymoon cos we couldn't afford it. We ARE going away this year, to a holiday park in the UK on a v v v v cheap deal - and only cos we can afford it

tbh I agree with you but not much you can do however frustrating . We had several years of sil needing a holiday despite money being tight. Most infamous example was 2 weeks in Canaries, taking elder kid out of school one December, after which she rang dh to borrow money as they couldn't afford Christmas and were already 3 months behind with the HA rent and on verge of being taken to court - took her 8 months to pay us back rather than 1 as promised and then she had the cheek to ask us again a year later ) She has had holidays courtesy of pil's too but now probably has a higher disposable income than us .

Definitely a priviledge.

Surely if you choose to have 4 children you should accept that you'll have to make sacrifices in certain areas so no I don't think you're being unreasonable, but though you may care for them, I don't see there's a lot you can do.

Could be that the family stresses over money etc are contributing to the feeling that she needs to go on holiday? Maybe she is mentally, physically & emotionally drained & depressed?
Going to tha park for a day isn't really the same as going on holiday as she'd still have to come home, do the chores, look after the kids etc.

HOWEVER - perhaps if she got a job that contributed she would feel better about herself (getting out of the house every day etc) and they'd be able to afford it

Well I spose it's up to them really if they want to get into debt so they can have a holiday. Maybe your comment would have gone down better if it had just been about the free days out rather than being prefaced with 'you can't have what you can't afford'?

FWIW I think a holiday isn't a right but it is something you can look forward to and can make life a lot less humdrum, esp when things are going badly at home. I'd let them get on with it if I were you. As long as you're not going into debt to fund them then it shouldn't really affect you.

Of course it's not a right.