To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

Oh yes, I don't condone this woman's behaviour. But people who are bad with money often don't change. What good will come from raising it with her again?

Electra - I dunno about that one. If somebody said 'OMG we've got money problems and can't pay our bills' and I said 'that's okay I'll help you out' I think it's prob reasonable to assume that the money that I gave them would be used to pay their bills and not used for extra unnecessary (in the strictest sense of the word) stuff.

And I think the wife has a bit of a nerve moaning about no holiday in front of someone who has given her money and presumably not asked for it back. In fact perhaps the OP should have said 'if you have any spare money to afford a holiday, perhaps you could return some of the money that various people have kindly given you over the years. Ungrateful cow! (not you Electra) Rant over.

I'm not saying you don't have the right to be annoyed and frustrated. But there isn't much you can do about it, given your cousin's wife's defensive reaction. I think if you lend someone money you have to take it as a given that they may not necessarily spend it wisely iyswim.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. As a child we had quite a few foreign holidays, all lovely but my mum and dad ended up having to sell our lovely house because of their debt.

i always had holidays as a kid.

i was thoroughly spoiled. twice a year. blackpool and wales.

electra, speedy is also helping them financially with bills. For her SIL to harp on about a holiday when speedy is already helping financially AND the woman doesn't even work - well I think it's a bit of a cheek!

Fair enough, but ime it is futile to try to convince people to change their spending habits. You will probably just end up falling out with them.

mm, I'd say holidays have always been a luxury too. Luxury in the broad sense of the word.

We never had holidays as kids either I lived by the sea in ireland and we played in fields and on teh beach and that was it.I don't feel I missed out really as I had nothing to compare it to.But imo it is just like everything today we all think we have a right to a big car a big tv etc etc but it is not realistic and doesn't add to your happiness in any way We need to stop equating a good time with spending money Speech over !

Yes, going on holiday is not a right, but OP sounds a bit judgemental tbh. Why judge them? It's their life and their debt. Why do you care what they do?

Personally I don't think holidays are a waste of money because the right one can be very good for ones health. I myself can take or leave them though.

The reality is that the cost of living is so high these days that a holiday has become a luxury Although i do think it is ridiculous that people are in a situation where they work but can't have a break mainly because we are all mortgaged to the eyeballs these days

"She complained to us that she needed a break and wanted to go on holiday but they could not afford it"

If she asked for your opinion, then maybe. But if she was just offloading, then perhaps you came over a little stern.

That said, if someone were lending me money so I didn't lose my house, I'm not sure I'd moan on about lack of holidays to them.

Obviously you have the right to think anything you want about this relative's life choices, and I might well agree with you. However, I think sounding so critical is likely to offend, and clearly did so.

I got fed up of never going on holiday so we bought a tent and holiday in the uk.

I think she was actually just talking about how much she would like a holiday. ie 'wanted to go on holiday but could not afford it'. What is wrong with replying, 'oh, that's a shame. I can see why you feel like that'. Why feel the need to lecture her? If I say to someone 'blimey, the kids are driving me demented today', I expect them to smile sympathetically and say 'I know what you mean', not give me a lecture about my parental responsibilities! I'd be extremely peeved if they did.

No, of course it's not a right to go on holiday

I love caister. I have been once, a few years ago, when ds1 was ds2's age, and had 4 nights there in a caravan shared with friends - we paid £45 each family - and this time we are going just us, for a week. I've been squirrelling money.

I've always loved travelling, and I've been on some pretty expensive holidays to long haul destinations. That said, it's pretty much always at the expense of other things. I have a crap 12 year old car, live in a small flat, didn't have kids etc etc. However, now I'm pg with my first I think holidays will be the first thing to be cut. I work full time and so does dh, but still we won't be able to afford expensive holidays any more. I agree I think your cousins wife is being selfish. When you have children surely you have to make sacrifices elsewhere in your life? It's fine when you're young and carefree, but as a parent you're responsible for feeding, sheltering and clothing your children. It's not like you can live on pasta and baked beans for months on end as I did in my 20s to pay for a round the world trip. If we struggle with bills, the first thing that'll go will be the luxuries, holidays, satellite tv, going out etc.

Um, I think it is their business, not yours tbh. I also think if I confided in someone that I really wanted a holiday and they responded with what sounded like a lecture on financial responsibility, I'd be incredibly pissed off. No wonder you got a 'frostly silence'.

colditz, caister is wonderful. and right on the beach. i love it there. Peter has said that after tx he wants a a week in gt yarmouth and caister.