To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

Good grief. The original poster's cousin in law (I think?) sounds like a self-centred twit. I hope someone sits her down and shows her lots of red numbers sometime soon.

As for not working because she has a three year old, fair enough, but her husband doesn't work 24 hours a day does he? I'm sure that even two evenings stacking shelves at asda for a few months would build a tidy sum up, they pay good money for night workers I'm lead to believe.

If she needs a holiday, she needs to find some way of paying for it that doesn't involve debt or charity.

Agnes
(who learnt this sort of thing the hard way)

Re: the question of judging others negatively. I always assume that it happens frequently, people being what they are. The problems only start when those judgements are openly expressed.

i think it comes down to priorities and responsibilies.

macdonalds is another thread

but agree.

you MUST give money no strings attatched IMO

my parents want ds to go to a particular nursery (which i am happy with but costs more). so they pay for the nursery direct. this is the way to do it IMO.

I think speedymamas relative is buying mcdonalds and swimming lessons and failing to pay the mortgage....she should prioritise the mortgage surely and leave the holiday till shes sorted herself out?

Oh yes hercules, if my DC were doing activities (and they are) and we hit bad times (and I am currently threatened with redundancy) I would do my very best to keep those activities going for as long as possible.

How awful to be judged for buying your kids McDonalds and after school activities because a family member gave you some money to pay sopme bills. If she knew you felt that way I bet she would wish she'd never taken it from you in the first place. If you are going to give money to someone to help tehm out it doesnt make them beholden to you in anyway or have to justify every penny they spend in teh future.

PErhaps this thread is a reminder about family and money - seems they dont mix very well.

I think a holiday IS a bit of a priority

Not necessarily a decent one but-to get away from it all-I NEED that time, I really do. I don't think that should be a luxury.

I am making kind of another arguement though, a more philosophical one.

oh and i have no problem at all with her not working if she has a 3 yo.

My parents really prioritised holidays - but they were always very cheap - camping on cheap campsites and cooking all our own food but we would go Easter, Spring Bank, Summer and September. I did not get a passport until I was in my late teens because all the holidays were in England. I do think there is something to be said for a break though but agree that it should be based on what is affordable.

I think that if your cousins wife thinks holidays are that important she should get a job herself. If I didn't work then we would never be able to go on holiday.

Ver sensible speedymama, it would be like throwing your money into the fire.

christ whats wrong with poor people having the odd break?

they need it more not less

Speedy, your cousin's wife sounds just like one of my ex-SILs - she 'had' to have her holiday, and it 'had' to be abroad (otherwise it wasn't a proper holiday) every year, because it 'wasn't fair' otherwise... meanwhile she had ccjs and second mortgages up the wazoo and everyone in the family was lending them money to stop the house getting repossessed (3 kids, sahm because it wasn't 'fair' that she had to go out to work either, as none of her friends with kids had to) - ended up in the divorce courts... Now she's complaining that it's so unfair that no-one will give her a credit card! I've tried (gently) to explain to her that they're not free money and she will have to pay it back, which is why no-one will give her one because she can't, but it goes in one ear and out the other...

Some people are just spoilt rotten and think the world owes them a living.

(NB, yes, I am judgemental, that's the fun of these AIBU topics, isn't it? Or have I missed the point? )

If you can't afford it, then you can't go. Surely it is as simple as that.

I personally think a break away from the home is very useful and far more beneficial than a few day trips. It is for me anyway; I only truely switch off if away from home for a few days.

If you have the means to save up for a holiday, in whatever form, then fine. But sorry, if you are out of work with no real income and a mortgage to pay - then it is out of the question for a while.

"and one way or other, they will be going." - her quote. What does she mean? Where will she get the money to pay for a holiday? How?

I'm one who has to have holidays. Well not HAS to, but likes to in order to keep myself sane. I'm not fussed about going abroad, I'm perfectly happy in a tent in Cornwall if need be, but I do like to have the break from routine, a break from telly, phone calls and the day to day drudgery.

I always save for them though and wouldn't have one if I had bills or mortgage payments I couldn't make. But I do make them a priority with our disposable income, for example I'd far rather put £100 towards a holiday or a weekend away than spend it on clothes and take aways. It's probably one of the reasons that renovating our cottage has so far taken 7 years - given the choice between a week in Cornwall and DIY, Cornwall wins hands down every time, I'd rather have a photo album full of happy memories and a few good wipe outs to my name.

I do agree with other posters though that if your SIL can't afford it she should either get a job so she can, or accept that this year it isn't going to happen. It's one thing doing these things on credit if you've got a regular income, but still wanting to do so when you don't and you have money problems is rather irresponsible.

We try to have a weeks hols in Aug. Only in a caravan, but we save for it.

Last year DH was made redundant and there was no way we could go so we didn't.

I couldn't handle to the worry of spending money that we didn't really have on a hols.

We both work, but we like to make sure we always have money in the bank if we can.

This year, we are going for our week's hol. In a caravan. But, it's only because we are now back on our feet.

IMO, i think she does need to find a little job. Even with four kids, this is possible even if it's evenings. It would definatley help their holiday fund.

I have had 2 holidays in my whole life.

1 when I was 19 and went for 3 nights a Butlins in Bognor with some girlfriends

and then

Last year Me DH and DS went and stayed in a beautiful chalet Monday - Friday.

I didn't even have a honeymoon and I don't own a passport yet because going out of the country has never been an option.

Why the hell would anyone put a bloody holiday ahead of their mortgage etc and by the sounds of it she puts it ahead of the well being of her husband too.

Total selfishness.

You are 100% right speedy

It is really about living within your means and cutting your cloth to fit your purse. we live a bit beyond our means but on the whole we are sensible. I know several people who don't know what means are never mind living within them.

speedymama - tell her to collect her tokens out of the sun and have a holiday for £9.50!!! bargain!!! we going on one on thursday to north wales, ok its not 2 weeks in maldives but it gets us away and the kids get to go swimming and stay in a caravan like i did as a wee lass!!! when we can afford it we will be having a belated honeymoon in cuba!!!

When I was growing up we NEVER had a holiday. I think I have had about 5 holidays in my life (I am 39). Haven't had one for about 6 years.

I dooooo need a break believe me. It's not just the money ( I could use visa) there are other issues. DS has severe allergies so non emglish speaking countries scare me. I find it hard enough reading the ngredients in the UK. Our car is too small to go very far and we have no support so all our leave is used up covering school holidays.

It does sadden me though.

Actually having said that, I wish my Mum had got a job so we could have had more holidays (not selfish, moi) - but my Dad didn't like the idea of his wife working so that was that.