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AIBU?

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Original poster

Re ex and DDs periods

234 replies

HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:10

Name changed for this one.

DD 12 (nearly 13) is suffering with her periods. She’s had them about a year and they’re getting worse each month. Bleeding through clothing, awful cramps, she’s given up dance and swimming.

We’ve tried everything in the san pro aisle, tampons hurt her, moonvup she can’t put in, atm she is using thick pads and changing them all the time. Her mattress/bedding is ruined. I’ve had to pick her up from school twice due to soaking through her clothes/pain.

She has asked to go on the pill or have a coil fitted. I spoke to her dad about it and he has absolutely said no way. She’s too young and it’s dangerous. I’ve been bombarded with dodgy links about it causing cancer and death and infertility Hmm. He can be very stubborn and is refusing to shift on it. I’ve told him ultimately it isn’t his decision. He said fine but I’ll be responsible for her future health and I “can’t be bothered” to research it or read his links.

AIBU to agree to her going on the pill? Would a GP fit a coil for a 12 year old? Mirena not the copper obviously

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 09/10/2017 14:29

Yeah cos she's going to feel like exercising and eating goji berries if she feels like crap and is in pain Hmm

Sue probably could do with a work up make sure her iron levels are ok etc

Might not come to the pill but the gp is the best place to start

shhhfastasleep · 09/10/2017 14:29

Exercise and a good diet? For terrible period problems? What a knob. Yes exercise and a good diet are always a good thing and have a role to play. But if it was that fucking simple then we would be solving all menstrual problems with that.

Original poster
HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:29

Exercise and a good diet fix everything. In fact nobody should need to take antidepressants if they just went for a nice walk. True story Hmm

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 09/10/2017 14:28

Definatly take her to the GP I don't think this is a contreception issue

CrispPacket · 09/10/2017 14:27

Exercise and a good diet?....erm. What?!

Original poster
HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:26

Somebody asked what his suggestion is?

Exercise and a good diet Hmm

OP posts:
shhhfastasleep · 09/10/2017 14:25

He’s never had a period and no amount of reading Men’s Health and going to the gym makes you understand what hellish periods are. Poor girl. She needs love and support and proper health care advice not nonsense.

MsMommie · 09/10/2017 14:25

I don't think the pill or the coil are appropriate for non sexually active children. The risks far outweigh any benefit .

Visit your GP and see what he suggests.

BlueSapp · 09/10/2017 14:25

I'm not sure either of your solutions would be suitable for a 12 yr old, definatly go to the GP because the bleeding you've described is not normal.

Original poster
HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:24

I’m going to make an appt this afternoon. Maybe family planning or well woman would be quicker though?

I still struggle with what needs discussing with him and what doesn’t. Major throwback to his control issues!

OP posts:
puddingpen · 09/10/2017 14:23

Has she seen the GP about this? It sounds like she should. Doctor may have other suggestions and your ex may have different opinions if it's coming from a doctor. Or, alternatively, you may feel better about going against his wishes if something is recommended by the GP.

OhHolyFuck · 09/10/2017 14:23

When he bleeds from his penis so badly he floods his clothes, when he's got agonising cramps and is being sick, when he has to cope with embarrassment of that dealing with changing flooded towels in a school bathroom etc, then he might have some empathy and can advise accordingly.
Until then he can have no idea of what it's like to be a not-even-teenage-yet girl dealing with that shitshow.

Yes to the GP, they can advise on the best way to go from here

lunar1 · 09/10/2017 14:23

He can fuck off quite honestly. Until he has had to get himself out of a full classroom while trying to stop everyone noticing his blood stained uniform and chair he can keep his mouth shut.

I’d be going one further and telling your dd if he tries to interfere during her contact time with him then she wouldn’t have to go if she didn’t want to.

shhhfastasleep · 09/10/2017 14:23

He doesn’t get to have a say. He can be concerned and supportive and back what Gp thinks is best. He is not a health professional and late night Googling shit doesn’t make you a more suitable health care professional.

deepestdarkestperu · 09/10/2017 14:23

He doesn't get a say in how she deals with it, however much he might believe otherwise.

Your DD doesn't have to live with painful, heavy bleeding just because her dad is being controlling Angry get her to the GP and get her some help!

Original poster
HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:22

He is obsessed with health, food, diet etc etc, unhealthily so. But that’s because I am “uninformed”

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 09/10/2017 14:22

Definitely talk to the GP. The pill isn't always the only option for heavy periods- there are medications that can reduce the flow so that it's more normal.

Also make sure her iron intake is good.

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 09/10/2017 14:21

That sounds horrendous for a 12yo. I hope she goes on the pill and it works. Flowers for your DD and a Biscuit for your ex.

TammySwansonTwo · 09/10/2017 14:21

Please go to the GP and insist on a referral to a gynae. This post could have been about me 23 years ago. Sadly it took me 10 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis by which point I had lots of scar tissue and other issues. I'm not saying she has endo but this is absolutely not normal. Is she in a lot of pain?

Yes she should absolutely go on the pill - it's for medical reasons and if it is something like endo could prevent further spread and damage while you're waiting to find out what's going on. This could preserve her fertility, rather than damage it. Again, not saying it is that but if I had a daughter in this position it's the first thing I would do.

Absolutely not a coil though - the mirena was one of the worst experiences of my life and fitting at that young age would be scarring I'm sure.

In terms of sanpro, Always Infinity is my favourite personally - very absorbent compared to normal towels

Original poster
HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:20

I usually run things by him but yes you’re right it isn’t his business! I did say to him unless he was bleeding every month he didn’t get to decide that she just needs to get use to it, his response was that actually he’s her parent so he does get a say in her doing something with long term health consequences.

She seems to be losing quite large clots for 2/3 days and then light for another two days.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 09/10/2017 14:20

When he gets periods he can decide what he does.

A dr won't put her on the pill unless the benefits outweigh the risks.

She's 12 she's sufferring and she's given up 2 sorts already.

See the Dr and do what they suggest and if that's the pill so be it

shhhfastasleep · 09/10/2017 14:20

Tell the fuckwit that she isn’t going on the pill to have sex. Tell the fuckwit that her period problems are making her life a misery and affecting her learning. Tell the fuckwit that it doesn’t give you cancer. Tell the fuckwit he gets no say in how she manages her menstrual cycle.
Poor thing. This is not what she should just “put up with “. See a GP and I hope it works out.

brummiesue · 09/10/2017 14:18

I very much doubt a GP would consider a coil for a 12yr old, the pill would be much better. Please get her booked in for a appt to discuss it, and maybe don't mention it to her dad until afterwards!

deepestdarkestperu · 09/10/2017 14:18

It's none of his business!

She's 12, and she's been having issues with her periods for over a year - any GP would happily put her on the pill if that's what she wanted.

Why does he think he gets a say on how his daughter handles her periods? Angry

BlackeyedSusan · 09/10/2017 14:17

she is old enough now to choose for herself.

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