Re ex and DDs periods

Ohh Hun I feel so sorry for her I When through the same thing but I started when I was 8 and I was on the pill by age 11 To stop my periods . My farther knew nothing about me being on the pill and had no choise in the matter mums reasoning was he's never had a period so it's nothing to do with him. We have to stop thingking about the pill just as a contraception thing the pill for me is wonderful I've not had a period for 16 years it's fantastic no fertility issues.if she wants to go on the pill and she will take it when she should let her I'm not sure if a go will fit a coil she might be too young but the best thing to do is ask them.

It's not his body, I don't think he should even have a say in it tbh.

Glad that you are going to get professional medical advice OP. Whether or not your ex is more 'informed' he won't be more informed than a specialist and he definitely won't have the resources (labs) etc to make a truly informed decision.

As an aside I don't understand the pp on the 1st page before you dripfed that your ex is controlling. Ofc I don't support controlling bastards. But I do support fathers taking an active interest in the health of their children and personally I would be concerned about an invasive medical procedure on my child, especially before exploring other options (yes even though IUDs are classed as minimally invasive)

Having a vagina doesn't make you a medical expert on them.

To be fair I think it’s normally reasonable for a parent to be informed when their twelve year old child has serious medical problems, and if “they’re ignorant and wouldn’t understand” was grounds for keeping them in the dark then half the parents in the country would be barred from supporting their child. However he does need educating. Diet and exercise may help to some extent with PMS and cramps but unmanageable levels of flooding are a separate problem and need medical investigation and action - this is not a grey area. Good luck with the GP.

If he's so "well informed" he'll realise that this isn't normal and that "exercise and a good diet" won't fix it.

It';s like saying "Oi!You there! with the broken nose! have you tried eating and apple and going for a walk??"

Peachy keen may I ask which one you are on- I've tried microgynon 30, cilest and Yasmin and all three gave me different side affects (headaches, spots, itchiness and anxiety) and the dr gave up in the end...

Obviously that's very personal so feel free to ignore

I would be outraged if my mother had discussed something like this with my father and they were still married. It is none of that man’s business. “He’s refusing to shift on it” ??? WTF!

She needs to see a doctor not a dipshit.

I was 13 when I started my periods and I suffered badly with heavy bleeding and excruciating cramps. So bad I couldn't move and would lie in the foetal position until they'd gone. I went to docs and was given painkillers for the cramps and was recommended for the pill. Had to try a few different ones as had some reactions to the first lot I tried. This was 20 odd years ago now though

Birdsgottafly - our daughters’ stories sound very similar. Having the first coil out after 5 years was not nearly as bad as she expected. She had another put in which, of course, wasn’t nice but worth it rather than having to have that experience every month. She is coming up to having her third in the next year.

Justaboy, I think the op has said her exh is controlling so (& even if not) once you're divorced it's not part of your job anymore to educate your partner on anything. I don't mean it in a stroppy way, just that interacting with an ex in that way means you're still engaging beyond a business level which - particularly with someone like this - is the last thing you want to do. People like that generally aren't exactly queuing up to get information from their ex.

Clots are just a sign of heavy bleeding, not worrying in themselves but bleeding that heavily is not the norm. Poor little girl.

Have only read pages 1&5 of this, in haste. But as someone who didn't get on with tampons as a youngster (had no help from Mum who knew nothing about them) can I just offer the idea of trying Tampax Compak Mini Lites (purple box)? I'm being quite specific, because these are plastic applicator, which I have found to be the only kind I can use. (As I got older, could use the bigger sized more absorbent ones, but even in middle age I still find plastic applicator much easier to use than cardboard, and can't insert the non-applicator types at all.)

Since having children I have had heavy periods, and a tampon combined with pad is the only way to go. It would just give your DD a bit more absorbency - sort of a double layer, so to speak. Poor thing.

I completely agree with other posters saying to take her to a GP. I don't wish to be sexist, but you might get on best with a lady GP, if possible. Our male GP - a perfectly nice chap in many ways - utterly infuriated me when I took my DD13 to him after a year of intermittent abdominal pains that were making her vomit and faint, only to be patronisingly told, "Periods can be quite painful you know." Arse.

Please get her seen to. I had (and still do have) pain like this and was too scared / embarrassed to go to the doctor. I suffered for years until I was 27 and was diagnosed with uterus didelphys (in a nutshell, I have two sets of reproductive organs) it's highly unlikely to be that as it is fairly rare, but my point is, my mum told me she was heavy and so I thought it was luck of the draw...

Good luck to her

My DD went through all this and it’s utterly miserable. The pill didn’t help her at all, though it does some people it helped me.

Eventually it was 3 out of 4 weeks of each month with terrible pain and flooding and she became anaemic. She saw a gynae but everyone seemed to think it was nothing to worry about but it was ruining her life!

Eventually,^^ after years of this, she was was referred to a female gynaecologist who took action and said “you can’t go on like this”. Under GA she had a laparoscopy to check there was nothing seriously wrong and a Mirena coil was inserted under GA. This changed her life and she has been much better ever since.

There was a thread on this subject a few months ago. I think it was in health. Was good info there.

PM me if you want a recommendation, the Gynaecologist was in West Yorkshire.

Maybe family planning or well woman would be quicker though?

Not for a child I wouldn't.

It really does need to be a GP as a first port of call.

Please don't let the gp treat this, she needs to see a gynaecologist and have investigations to find out the cause of her heavy bleeding.
The pill may mask the symptoms, but you need to get to the bottom of it.

Dad of 3DD's here! get her to the GP and ask to have this investigated much further before the coil or pills seems to me something else may not be right rule out all other causes first .

Then try to educate your ex on women's problems!

I went on the pill at age 12 for horrific periods. It was absolutely nothing to do with my dad and quite frankly not something I would have been happy to have discuss with him. You do what is right for your DD. It really helped me and I'm sure if it was D Ex that was having such a horrible time, he wouldn't be thinking twice! ((hugs))

I think a father does have a say in a child's medical treatment. If he is concerned he needs to go to the GP with her, though, and ask whatever questions he has.

Any normal man would defer to the women as regards pain and how big a problem it is though. . .

Please take her to GP and ask for full check-up with gynecologist and ultra-sound etc.
I had this problem for quite a few years - I underwent a full check-up to eliminate all the terrible things before i was advised to just go on the pill. I am an adult and still my GP insisted on this since it is not normal. In my case turns out nothing is wrong so pill helped.

I had the same issues when I was that age. Words cannot describe how humiliating it is to sit in class for an hour to find that yes that is enough time to completely soak through your uniform and cover the chair.

I cried almost every day I wss on my period because of the humiliation and fear of being seen with blood patches. Birth control solved this for me specifically the implant - also meant I didn't have to remember to take pills every day. Now birth control is horrible for many reasons, I put on weight and my hormones were over the place but it was the price I paid for not being in crippling pain and fear of sitting through just an hour of class.

I would have gone through just about anything to avoid that humiliation and I don't regret the decision now. If she is begging you to help her stop this and you don't help she will never forget it.

I know extra hormones at 13 is awful but at least she will be able to walk down the street with her head held high... honestly I'm tearing up just thinking about what I went through.

I would get a referral to a gynaecologist as others have said.

In the interim, as pps has stated, tranexamic acid for the blood loss and mefanamic acid (this is an NSAID so no mixing with ibuprofen etc) for the pain. I think you may be able to get them both otc but the gp can also prescribe.

I have lots of clotting and pain. With regard to your ex’s comment about nutrition and blood flow, I do find that when I eat healthily and a lower carb, higher fat diet, cutting out the junk, my periods are lighter. Sugar for example is oestrogen producing and tends to make the flow heavier for me so there may be something in nutrition for your dd but it would be a piece of the puzzle rather than the solution.

Poor girl. I suffered terribly when I was younger too. But I do agree with pps that I would want to explore other options first. 12 is very young to take synthetic hormones. And you don’t know the affect it will have on your dds endocrine system.

This is between your DD you and the GP.

Why are you sharing any of it with your ex? He sounds like a total arse and I guess he is not medically qualified.

Take her to the GP. Have a list of questions so that you don't forget anything, and make sure it is properly investigated. Tell him nothing further. Just do it and get on with any treatment. He doesn't deserve to be told.

It's not his decision or yours tbh. I don't understand why you need to ask his permission? She's bleeding incredibly heavily frequently. Take her to the GP already and THEY can advise.

Ultimately the choice is hers as it's her body. Yes go through things with her and support her but it shouldn't be anyone else's choice but hers, with proper medical advice.

That's a really stupid idea. I have seen some horrible things happen to women on the pill, depression, hair loss, weight gain. Her periods are obviously a problem, they are out of the ordinary and are effecting her quality of life. Instead of trying to make medical decisions yourself you should go and see someone who knows what they are doing like, you know, a doctor. A doctor will be able to suggest the best treatment and may also be able to identify the cause of the problem. Only start considering hormonal medications when someone with a medical degree suggests it, by before.