Re ex and DDs periods

I’ve told him and told him she is gillick competent. His reply was “well I’m sure she is but she is 12 and our daughter so it isn’t just up to her

Maybe he should google what “Gilliam competent” means while he’s at it

and genuinely believes it can be solved by food and exercise

Would go someway to explaining why he is your ex

No real advice but wanted to add my story to others

Went on the pill at 12/13

Im 48 now , no pill related medical conditions and three children (actually they might count as a medical condition give me heart problems at least)

Your ex is not being unreasonable to be concerned about the possible risks of a girl of 12 going on hormonal contraception, that's being a caring dad, but he is unreasonable if he thinks he has a veto. See what the GP says and if the gp is unhelpful push to see a gynaecologist.

Oh god Heebie, not going to engage. If you can't see what I'm trying to get at, no problem.

Get her to the gp and getadvice. My dd was put on the pill age 14 for clots and heavy bleeding and has nad no bother since

I had horrendous, painful and irregular periods in my teens which were pretty much instantly eased when I went on the pill. I was on the pill until I was 33, but it took me two years to conceive... because it turned out that I had polycystic ovary syndrome and a wonky thyroid.

Get her checked out by the doctor, because what she's suffering from doesn't sound normal.

Tell your daft twatbadger of an ex that until he grows a womb and a set of ovaries, he's the uninformed one in this case.

I was about to post almost the same story as mummy2pickle. I went on the pill at 13 due to awful heavy periods and had not a scrap of trouble or a single side effect. It worked. My periods were still heavy but manageable and manageable is what your poor daughter needs. Please take her to the doctor. Tranexamic acid is also brilliant (went on this later in life and only needed half a tablet twice a day for a couple of days a month to manage the worst of it).

I haven't had time to read all replies but thought is let you know my experience. This was me at 12 years old, my periods were so heavy and causing me so much pain I would be rocking on all fours in agony with my mum next to me. My bleeding also lasted an awful long time and didn't subside. I went to the doctor and I was told I had a hormone imbalance which caused the intense bleeding. I was put on the pill to regulate my hormones at 12 years old. It worked and I remained on the pill until I was 25 years old (I know it's not suppose to be good for your body) I came off it to try for a family and fell pregnant within the first couple of weeks so didn't affect my fertility at all. The pill can work wonders to sort out periods if for the right reason.

At worst I think you might find her, in the future, echoing the words of posters I have seen on here who have likened intimate physical examinations/procedures that they did not feel in control of to sexual assault
With attitudes like that it's a wonder any of you procreated!

Education and informed consent are the way to manage that, like we do with pregnancy/child birth.
If you're a woman then you just have to accept that at some point in your life, you may well need to be examined intimately.
Why would you want to encourage a woman to view a medical/necessary procedure to 'sexual assault'?

That's just fucked up!

Hormone release wise and managing heavy periods - the coil is better.
Managing contraception with her lifestyle, the coil or implant is better.
She's already had to give up certain hobbies and interests due to this

With appropriate guidance and counselling, there is no reason why the dd "would undoubtedly find it a humiliating and frightening procedure".
Educating her on exploring all options and making her own mind up is the best thing, which is what Family Planning clinics do.
There's no reason why she shouldn't be aware of what women's health involves, especially as she's been dropped into the deep end of it.

Being pregnant and giving birth could also be considered 'humiliating and frightening' experience and procedure wise - but we support women through that.
If the Dd got pregnant and wanted to keep it, you'd be saying she has the right to make that decision - and be supported.
This is no different really - other than there's no pregnancy issue to deal with.
The DD may be 12 but she's becoming a woman and it's still her body.

Heebie I agree it's quite possible that physical pain would not necessarily be an issue. However on a psychological level I think it's a terrible option.

She's old enough to have some understanding of what would be happening but not old enough to really consent. She's at an age where privacy, and the respecting of that, needs to be paramount. She would undoubtedly find it a humiliating and frightening procedure. I would not at all like to be a mother putting myself in a position where I persuade and reassure my daughter about such a procedure, not knowing how she would actually feel about it - now and in the future. Just no.

LOL at him refusing to shift.

Let him carry on refusing to shift. Your DD can (metaphorically) walk past him with her prescription and give him a wave :)

Can I just add to those saying PLEASE not the coil? She is 12. I'm sorry but I think that's an utterly inappropriate solution - I think you might very deeply regret that as she would undoubtedly, at best, find it traumatic. At worst I think you might find her, in the future, echoing the words of posters I have seen on here who have likened intimate physical examinations/procedures that they did not feel in control of to sexual assault. Please please don't do that to her.

The coil will be awful to get in at her age and before babies
Errrr....not necessarily
I'm on my second coil, i've not experienced pregnancy or child birth, and it wasn't anywhere near as bad as people made out.
The 'uncomfortable' aspect was no worse than when i get a smear.
The 'pain' when they open the cervix was just a short, sharp feeling for the few second it took to insert the coil.
The level of hormones released in the coil work so much better for me than the pill or 3-monthly injections did.

Ideally, you want to find an option that doesn't mess about her hormone levels too much, as this is probably something she will need to manage for life, and possibly with medication.

Tell the ex that his opinion has been noted and you will not bef discussing the mattr with him again. Then concentrate on gettine the proper medical care for DD. XP has no right to any input, particularly as he is an ignroant bully - just ignore him and encoureage her to ignore him as well.ffff

Your poor DD, it must be awful for her. Perhaps the pill may help make her periods lighter and more manageable, I don’t think a GP would recommend coil at her age. I have am on my second Mirena coil, it was very painful having them fitted for me, and I have had two children. I hope things improve for her soon.

Mollie85 I was put on the first one you said (so long ago can't remember name) I put on loads of weight, didn't help the heavy bleeds) I went onto cilest and stayed on them until I wanted to conceive. Everyone is different though

I won't repeat everyone else's advice however - it did occur to me that in the short term it might be worth looking at "period pants". I read an article in the papers about them recently - they seem to be extra absorbent so might be useful to help in the short term until a long term solution is found?

You could be describing me as a 12 year old, OP. I would often pass out from the pain of the cramps and I could bleed through a heavy duty pad in less than hour. I was constantly bleeding through my school uniform which was utterly mortifying and I gave up swimming because I was terrified of bleeding in the pool. I also couldn’t use tampons so I couldn’t even double up with pads. Those few days each month made my life utterly miserable. In the end my mum took me to the GP and he put me on the pill to help regulate me and calm everything down each month. I was only on that pill for 6 months but it mainly sorted the problem. I’d have a really heavy, painful period maybe once a year but the rest of them were generally normal amounts of bleeding and pain that was easily controlled with ibuprofen.

Your ex is being a dick. He has absolutely no idea how painful, life controlling and embarrassing very heavy periods can be and quite frankly I don’t believe he should have any say in how your dd chooses to control hers. Speak to your GP, get the facts and advice, and help your dd make an informed decision about what will work best for her.

NeedsAsockamnesty - that is a lot of prohibited steps
I had a similar issue with an inhaler for asthma, and allergy medication. It was a huge worry.

Why did you even ask / involve him? You must know what he's like ,you were together...why have you not got her to a gp yet?

Teapot
If he is concerned he needs to go to the GP with her, though, and ask whatever questions he has.

Any normal man would defer to the women as regards pain and how big a problem it is though...

That's the thing - he is doing this because he will not take a woman's word on it.

Quite honestly, I can't think of anything more excruciatingly embarrassing than having my dad go to a GP appointment with me at age 13 to ask questions about bleeding and cramping, and treatments (and my dad was a nice man who would fill hot water bottles, get cups of tea, etc for my mum, who had period problems).

This may sound like a Catch 22 setup for the father, but ime, if he will only accept the word of a GP as to what is happening, and the only way to get him to accept that medical treatment is necessary is to have the GP explain it to him personally, then he should not be allowed to participate in the process.

Like other posters have said, see what the GP recommends first and insist on a gynae referral, as you have to get to the bottom of why her periods are like this. It's not normal and she shouldn't have to suffer it. And do not let the GP fob you off with "everyone's different" etc, it's bullshit. Yes they're different but this is ridiculous. And insist on a ferritin level and haemoglobin check too as she may also be anaemic.

As for the pill, I can't recommend it personally because the hormones affect my mental health really badly. That said, she may have no problem at all. For non hormonal options though, tranexamic acid taken with mefanemic acid has transformed my life. I even went camping while on my period, something I would never have been able to do before. It turned my three day nightmare into something I barely notice :)

Good luck! And don't listen to your ex, it's none of his business tbh.

The coil will be awful to get in at her age and before babies . It’s bad enough in my 40’s post 2 babies . I know my dd who is 14 couldn’t do it. Def speak to the doctor ( or family planning who I find know more about this stuff ) . It’s sounds awful for her . My dd hasn’t really hatred an eyelid since hers started and wears panty liners so it’s certainly not normal to lose so much blood .