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AIBU?

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Original poster

How would you have reacted if your MIL.......

39 replies

Greenleeves · 10/04/2007 11:52

..... had said "Now you stop that, or I'll clip your ear!" to your 4yo? She knows perfectly well we don't believe in hitting children. And he wasn't doing anything really dreadful, he was fiddling with one of the cupboard doors. He stopped when I asked him to.

We stayed with her for four nights over Easter, and most of it was OK. She's not a horrible person and I don't hate her, but we are VERY different and I found it very stressful trying to manage the children my way on her territory IYSWIM.

She also said several times to my children "I think you've heard the word No more this week than you've ever heard it before!". The last time she said that to ds1 was at the dinner table in front of the whole family, and I replied without thinking "No actually, you'd be surprised - but it's much easier to discipline your children in your own home than in someone else's", and she replied "No, well actually it's easier not to bother at all". Which upset me a bit, because my children are quite well disciplined and well-behaved. I do say 'no' to them!!

So would you have argued/made a stink? Or would you just bite your tongue?

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 12:02

I think it's fair enough to tell a child if they are banging a drum and you can't hear the TV! I would anyway!

Original poster
Greenleeves · 10/04/2007 12:00

I did bite my tongue about the ear-clipping comment, although I said to dh that if she saidit again he would have to tell her not to. It's not as if she actually hit him. It did upset me a bit though. I don't know whether ds1 knew what she meant.

So about the not bothering bit, should I have replied again, or just left it? I didn't know where to look, I just changed the subject. She said it in front of the children!!

God, it's a relief to be back home!!

OP posts:
pageturner · 10/04/2007 12:00

That was meant to be an !

TeeCee · 10/04/2007 12:00

I wouldn't have argued or made a stink but I might have said 'ohhh sweetie (to my DC) think Grandma is getting cross with you now so let's go and find something fun to do'.

With regard to the other stuff, tricky but as you say you are very different peopel and she's not a horrible person so probbaly just best to bite your tounge. You know that you're doing a good job with your kids and that's what really matters. I'm pone for chossing your battles, esp when trying to spend some nice time with friends and family etc and if that means not saying no to my kids a 1000 times a day, when what does it really matter, then so be it.

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 11:59

my two were on sugar overdose on Sunday at inlaws

dd1 was being a SPECTACULAR pain in the rear

so I said RIGHT IF YOU CARRY ON, WE WILL GO HOME

cue FIL saying "oh come here dd1, pander pander, spoil spoil" etc etc

completely over riding me on my high horse

which annoyed me hugely but what can you do

dd1 smirked away as she had got her own way

she knows however for a fact, it would not happen in our house so they do behave differently in differennt places

GooseyLoosey · 10/04/2007 11:58

Would have bitten my tongue and regretted it afterwards. Actually wouldn't have needed to as dh would have leapt in and screamed blue murder at her.

Could you get dh to tell her to pay off these type of comments as its easier to tell your own mother these things?

Must say the "easier not to bother" comment is pretty offensive and would be inclined to take that one up with her if only to say that that may be true but you do bother a lot and prefer not to take the easy way out by "clipping a child round the ear", which requires almost no effort at all!

pageturner · 10/04/2007 11:58

Well, as you know Greeny, I have a treading-on-eggshells relationship with my MIL with regard to my children atm. In your shoes, I would have said pretty much what you did. Unfortunately, my MIL seems to hear what I've said, but forgets 30 seconds later and goes on about it again. She asked my about ds2's bottom problem the other day and seemed genuinely surprised when I was telling her about his reaction to some inadvertent potato consumption. Because she doesn't believe me, she thinks it's a behavioural (in him) and a discipline problem (in me)

Oh God, don't get me started. Oh dear, you did!

Nice to see you back btw! Fancy that day out next week?

powder28 · 10/04/2007 11:57

Lol @ oliveoil

chirpygirl · 10/04/2007 11:57

I would have said quietly to her out of earshot of your DS, we try not to say things like that, we say this.

My SIL and I had the same problem with my MIL and FIL, they don't mean it and have never smacked their kids but I think it is one of those things the older generation used to say.

I told them that we just say 'No' but then I had to ask them to stop overusing it (DD was making too much noise on her drum and got told No as they couldn't hear telly ffs!)

powder28 · 10/04/2007 11:57

Bite your tongue, and don't give her silly comments another thought.

Carmenere · 10/04/2007 11:57

But then I enjoy baiting my mil.

belgo · 10/04/2007 11:56

You can bite your tongue but you'll be doing that for a long time. And if you're like me, at some point, you will explode.

The comment about not bothereing would have really pissed me off. Tell her outright that your children are well behaved, and that your discipline methods are working.

Carmenere · 10/04/2007 11:56

I would lightheartedly quip, 'clip his ear and I'll clip yours'

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 11:55

bite your tongue
bite your tongue
bite your tongue

My dad says "ooooh I will will have to smack your bottom" to mine if they do something he doesn't approve of, in a jokey manner but anyway

I say primly "nobody hits in this house" which is a lie as they are always clobbering each other

but you know what I mean

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