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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my friend for not contacting me since I told her dd was in hospital

35 replies

princessmelTingChoccyEggs · 07/04/2007 10:10

2 weeks ago dd was in hospital. She was really quite poorly and had to have a lumber puncture etc.
I texted all my friends to let them know what was happening with her. They all replied straight away. Except one, I'll call her xyz. I kept them all up to date with what was happening to dd etc. But heard nothing from 'xyz'

Anyway we're supposed to be going to see her new flat today. Nothing's been mentioned about it since it was arranged a few weeks ago. I've not spoken to her at all. I don't want to call her because I'm cross and upset that she hasn't contacted me about dd. Oh she has emailed me a 20% off gap voucher and sent me a text about the new Oxford Street Primark though .
She only knew that dd was ok and out of hospital as another friend rang her to see if she was ok.( Nobody's heard from her, not just me. )

When the friend asked if she was ok and had she heard about dd she just said something like, 'Oh yes I've not contacted princessmel yet, I've been busy' Not too busy to send me gap email vouchers though.

I've been friends with her for over 20 years and I'm supposed to be her bridesmaid next year. I don't want this to turn into some major row but I want her to know I'm upset.

If she doesn't contact me about going to see her today then I'll leave it till she does contact me. But if she does, what do I say?
Dh has said we're not going.

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 07/04/2007 14:59

Well, at least you will have felt better by clearing it off your chest.

Hopefully she will explain herself & all will be well again

Original poster
princessmelTingChoccyEggs · 07/04/2007 14:53

i sent her a txt saying

I was outside. Didn't hear phone. I'm a bit upset actually. I thought you would have contacted me when I told you about xxxx being so ill. I think we were meant to come to you today but as I hadn't heard from you I thought it was off. M x

No 'Hi' or anything. just to the point. I'm glad I've done it. Got to wait for a reply now.

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 07/04/2007 14:49

Aw, you should have answered & said you wanted to stay at home with dd as she was ill.

Maybe asked if she had ever received your text message at all?? [even though you know she did, this would have given her a way of saying something]

Are you going to call her back?

Original poster
princessmelTingChoccyEggs · 07/04/2007 14:44

She's just rung my mobile and I didn't answer it. I was too scared!

Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
princessmelTingChoccyEggs · 07/04/2007 12:25

yes, her.
dh has told me not to contact her. He said we need to wait till she contacts us then I'll tell that I'm upset.

Maybe she forgot that we were coming today.

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 07/04/2007 12:22

Sounds like she's very wrapped up in something.

I think you should talk to her, but it might be best to wait until you're not angry about it.

If you don't feel like going today, perhaps text her to say it's only 2 weeks since your dd was very ill and you want to stay close to/at home as much as poss.

Original poster
princessmelTingChoccyEggs · 07/04/2007 12:17

She sent the texts and emails to all of us.

She does do this from time to time. Go for ages without speaking to me then when I see her she's completely normal. She doesn't have kids and is very London focused. Job, going out etc. So different from me. But despite this we are still friends.

She's just moved into her new flat so is very wrapped up with sorting that out. Thats fine (and we were going to see it today) but I don't think it would have been too much trouble for her to have asked about dd.

Its wierd though as the week before when dd fractured her wrist and I texted her about it, she replied straight away.

She's usually very good at being positive at times like this. She's a doctor ( not of ill people but science) and knows things to say to make me feel better.

I haven't heard from her today about going to see her. Thats odd too.

OP posts:
Chandra · 07/04/2007 12:09

Can't agree more with everything Larch has said.

Did she forward the messages only to you or to all her friends? it may be the case that she doesn't find the words or the right time to ask you about her. Perhaps she is embarrased for not contacting you earlier and hiding her head in the sand? or maybe she doesn't want to intrude? or maybe feels you may not welcome a phone ringing if you are too busy dealing with something related to DD's problem?

I would have a conciliatory word with her, but without accusing her of anything, you never know if something bad is happening to her that may have her cut off from her friends in the last weeks, or even something she may not like to talk about.

TheLarch · 07/04/2007 11:56

Is it possible that she's got something else going on in her life that's causing her to not contact people?

Does she find it difficult to know what to say in worrying situations?

Is she often a bit selfish and not that interested in other people's lives, or was this a surprise to you?

Its hard to know what to say without knowing her reasons, and the only way is to actually speak to her.

If it was me, i'd give her a call and say
'I've been really worried about dd, the situation was very serious and i was upset that you didn't reply to my text or call to see if she was ok.'

Even if she makes up an excuse, at least she'll know how you feel and hopefully try to be a bit more thoughtful. Personally i don't see the point in just blanking friends, if she's that vague / thoughtless, she won't even realise why you're doing it, just be honest and talk to her.

Original poster
princessmelTingChoccyEggs · 07/04/2007 11:19

Anybody got any suggestions?

OP posts: