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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a five minute break at the weekend.

61 replies

BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 10:48

Currently my DH works hard at his full time career job, he leaves the house at 6am and gets home between 4pm and 7pm depending on work load.

I am a SAHM (on maternity leave) and I do all the food shopping, cleaning, cooking and childcare including night waking on my own.

So far we are both happy, I am home with our daughter and my DH doesn't have to do any housework.

But at the weekends I ask him to help me look after our daughter for 5 minutes here or there, so I can pop on the dinner on or have a quick 'baby free' shower and I get complaints of why can't I take the baby with me

During the week I do take her everywhere, she crawls naked in the bath when I am in the shower and sits just outside the kitchen with toys whilst I put on the dinner but it takes twice the time to do anything dragging a baby around with me, I just want a short break at the weekend so I can do things faster without my precious baby in tow.

Am I being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
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Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 06/04/2007 09:29

Thanks Ladies, For the positive posts, they really cheered me up

OP posts:
tibsy · 06/04/2007 09:09

BE, thats great news. you must be so pleased! long may it continue

CheesyFeet · 05/04/2007 13:49

Yay

ScottishThistle · 05/04/2007 12:51

Fantastic!

FloatingInChocolateFondue · 05/04/2007 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamalennon · 05/04/2007 00:39

This may sound a bit way-out but I believe that when you start to take your difficulties seriously and other people say 'yes, you're right to feel like that', you actually start approaching life differently without even being aware of it and those around you respond to that change in you.

Either that or your DH has been looking at your MN file!!

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/04/2007 20:51

Wonders will never cease...

My DH not only looked after DD for 10 mins this evening, whilst I struggled to eat tea and chase her around the living at the same time WITHOUT being asked but he took her to bed as well !!!

So I pushed my luck and said I would be going to the cinema on Saturday and that he would be babysitting for a couple of hours and he just agreed - no moaning

I think the row we had at the weekend started him thinking and I think he has started to 'see' how tired I am and how much I do around the house and with our DD.

Lets hope this continues

OP posts:
kitty17 · 04/04/2007 10:53

Glad your feeling better this morning, its amazing what a good night sleep can do for you. Hopefully you will get to speak to your DH tonight and get this sorted out.. Take care

ScottishThistle · 04/04/2007 09:56

BabiesEverywhere you could do a shop online fortnightly mostly for heavy/large items & just pick up other things locally as it really is worth the time you save doing the shopping.

Glad you're feeling brighter today!

Ripeberry · 04/04/2007 09:51

Hi, My DH was like this with our DD1 until one day when is was pregnant with DD2 i felt very ill and had a high fever and i just went to bed for the rest of the day.
Luckily it was a weekend and he took DD1 round to his mum's to see if she could look after her but she was not in.
This was when dd1 was 2yrs old and it was the first time he actually spent most of the day with her by himself.
They had a great time together. After i had recovered he said he enjoyed it so much he would like to do it at least half a day each weekend.
He confessed to me that he did not help out at weekends as he was "scared" of the responsibility. He could cope with looking after clients and his work by children were
scary!
He still does not have to do any housework, cooking, cleaning, gardening or pet upkeep but the gives me half to a full day off a week!
AB

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/04/2007 09:07

I can't justify paying for a shopping delivery service but I do have a wonderful father who is willing to take me shopping and sit in the cafe with my DD whilst I do the weekly shop...hurrah....Door to door car ride no less

I feel much better today, I was only up once last night and it is amazing the difference having a better amount of sleep makes. I still need to talk to DH about having a proper break but I don't feel as so desperate as I did yesterday....I feel rested and the sun is shining...

OP posts:
Furball · 04/04/2007 08:59

It might be an idea to start doing your weekly shop online. That way you don't have to worry about trying to fit that in as well.

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 19:07

Bugger, he isn't home yet.

So food shoping will have to be either done tomorrow on the bus with baby in tow, or live on rice until the weekend.

OP posts:
BandofBunnies · 03/04/2007 18:09

Floating, Grrrrr MEN

FloatingNeedsAnEasterName · 03/04/2007 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloatingNeedsAnEasterName · 03/04/2007 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tibsy · 03/04/2007 14:57

good luck babieseverywhere!!!!
i ask for time off, dp doesnt just offer i'm afraid but then i think a lot of men are like that (not all, i know) maybe its just a gender difference?
if there was a role reversal, i'd like to think that if he looked tired or in need of a break, i'd turn around and say 'would you like me to take over for an hour or two darling? why dont you go and get your head down for a while' ..... or do i have my head in the clouds?

jenwa · 03/04/2007 14:38

YOU NEED TO GO OUT AND LEAVE HIM FOR A FEW HOURS!!!

Just tell him to need to get some shopping and bugger off for a while (sometimes shopping without baby is nice) but to be honest if he does not notice what you do in the house then maybe go to town or for a coffee and come home and he prob wont notice you have not been shopping! Let him do some baby time for a change.

Men...mine is learning!! It hit him hard when dd was 3 months and I went away overnight as we nearly split up due to him not handling new baby well. It soon shocked him to see why I was tired all the time and how hard it was to look after a baby and try to get yourself ready and cook clean etc. He now tries alot harder and dd is 18 months old and he feels like he can do more with her now.

kks · 03/04/2007 14:27

I understand that men who work long hours need a break but what about us mums. He gets evenings and weekends off work well, our job is 7 days a week all day and night!

mylittlestar · 03/04/2007 13:33

Good luck - sounds like a good plan xx

ScottishThistle · 03/04/2007 13:29

Good luck BabiesEverywhere sounds like a plan!

kitty17 · 03/04/2007 13:22

I think he needs ti have a long hard look at himself... you also have a full time job, but you dont have his hours.. YOU HAVE MORE.. tell him to try your workload for a couple of days. You need to have time to yourself or you will crack up. You should not have to resort to a schedule, MY DP works long hours but he still homes and takes his turn, if DS wakes up during the night it is him that gets up and leaves me to sleep, DP has had a week off last week and i was under orders not to do my usual stuff, he would take care of it (much to my surpise it has to be said), but i did and what a difference to me, im more relaxed, it easy for us to take control, make him take over a duty at night when he comes in, start with one and keep adding a few more in. Good luck with everything

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 13:22

I think I'll go food shopping tonight when DH gets home.

Normally he'll whine can you not take DD and I'll say no..I haven;t slept in three nights you look after her...he will offer to do the shopping for me whilst I stay home with DD but then he won't get the right stuff and spend far too much money on junk and I don;t get a break.

So I'm going to tell him once he has sat down and I'll leave the house straight away...wish me luck.

{{{CF}}} Can;t wait to see you, it has been FAR too long.

Off to bath baby and try and get her to nap.

OP posts:
CheesyFeet · 03/04/2007 13:16

Oh I reckon I will have to drag her out for a couple of hours

My dh and BE's dh don't know each other particularly well, BE & I have been friends for ages but our dh's haven't really bonded iyswim, mainly down to my dh and his introvert nature. I don't think he will be too impressed at being left without me at their house. But I'm gonna do it anyway

The men can bond over their daughters.

Notyummy · 03/04/2007 13:13

He is def unreasonable! I have just returned to work after mat leave and now work 4 days a week. When I was on leave hubby was out of the house 8am til 6ish, but as soon as he came in he would take dd and do bath/bottle of ebm and put her to bed. I would snooze/go for a run/make dinner if not prepped already. At weekends he hoovered/did the washing, and did night duty either on Friday or Saturday night. Now I am back at work we alternate who gets up if dd wakes and he does more of the housework.

I didn't have to ask him to do this....he has just done it.

I have reread this and it sounds a bit smug; I didn't intend it to be, I just wanted you to be able to say to dh...'look; other people manage this, so why can't you do a bit?'