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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrifed that dh wants to bring his Mother over from NZ....

39 replies

MrsDoolittle · 02/04/2007 16:56

pay for her, (when we are skint) to stay for a month!!!
I don't really know her. She's not malicious or anything, or unkind but it still makes the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.

The house isn't big enough...
She's not having the children out of nursery..

Why am I struggling with this so?

Two years ago, dh and I with 18 month old dd and myself 4 months pregnant went over to NZ at a vast expense to ourselves. I'd never have gone if he was going to suggest this two years later.

OP posts:
3easterbunniesandnomore · 02/04/2007 17:13

well...maybe yo will have a pleasant surprise...you never know....maybe she iwll be appreciative and even give a chance of have some one to one time with your dh

kslatts · 02/04/2007 17:11

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, I appreciate you can't afford it so not great that your dh is offering to pay, however if I lived so far from my mum I would pay for her to visit so that I could spend time with her even if I couldn't really afford it and would expect dh to do the same for his mum.

Original poster
MrsDoolittle · 02/04/2007 17:09

I know she wants to see her grandchildren but that doesn't make it any easier thinking about it.

OP posts:
fannyannie · 02/04/2007 17:07

I'm with some of the others - I don't see whats so horrifying - they're her grandchildren!

FWIW if we could scrape the money together to pay for my FIL to come and stay for a month (even though we have no space and no money) then I would - because I think he deserves to see his grandchildren (and his son for that matter!) as much as my parents who only live a few hours drive away. And I say that even though we only went out to see DH's family last August!

Original poster
MrsDoolittle · 02/04/2007 17:06

Let's put it like this..
The first time I met her was on our wedding day.
She refused my parents offer to stay with them at that time and left quickly the next day.
We saw her briefly before she went home after our honeymoon.

The only other time I saw her was two years ago when we visited NZ.
But dh and herself were rowing most of the time, family stuff, so I stayed out of it.

OP posts:
3easterbunniesandnomore · 02/04/2007 17:05

they are her only grandchildren...surely that is part of the reason why she so wants to see you.....

3easterbunniesandnomore · 02/04/2007 17:04

sometimes this dil attitude really worries me for the future, as I have 3 ds's...I would hate it if the girls mums would get all the time in the world wiht their grandkids, etc...and I would be left out, just because I am just the mil....

Original poster
MrsDoolittle · 02/04/2007 17:04

I know she's been hinting for ages. Of course she knows we can't afford it though.
It's his suggestion. He's the eldest of three boys, we have the only grandchildren and he just can't get over the guilt that he lives so far away.
Personally I think she is leaning on him too much. His brothers live closer, doesn't bother them.

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 02/04/2007 17:03

Do you not get on?

Original poster
MrsDoolittle · 02/04/2007 17:01

I could live with my Mum for a month.

I can already feel the pressure building. This is really going to wind me up.

And I know I'm being unreasonable

OP posts:
Grrrr · 02/04/2007 17:00

Is this his idea or hers ?

fairyjay · 02/04/2007 16:59

She is his mum though.

3easterbunniesandnomore · 02/04/2007 16:58

well...isn't it a bit understandable though that he wants to see his mother...especially as she lives so far away?
The money issue is obvioulsy not so great, and could possibly be sorted differently...but I don't think there is anything wrong with it!
My mum, who lives in germany always comes to stay for 4 weeks at the time....not worth the while otherwise...

vimfuego · 02/04/2007 16:58

I can understand why someone would want to see their mother, and for their mother to meet their grandchildren for the first time in two years. I think I'd make a few sacrifices for that.

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