correct names and MILs

I didn't change my name when I married as everything I've ever done I did with my name - I like having it on my exam certificates! When we have kids they can have his name, it is nicer than mine, he cares more about it and if we double-barreled it with make a rude word!

And surprisingly, the only post we have had addressed to Mr & Mrs Hisfirstname his last name has been from one of my friends, very odd.

erm , that's 'XXX' in place of surname, obviously. I'm not Mrs XXX porn queen.

i couldn't wait to ditch my surname. i love being Mrs XXX!

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Hmm. Well, I'm Dr myname, and it's taken nearly 10 years for my SIL to stop writing cheques to me as Mrs hisname.

My parents are the worst though! The only time I get really grumpy is if I'm addressed as Mrs Hisfirstname Hislastname - makes me feel totally invisible. Mrs Hislastname is just family being old-fashioned, though it's been the tradition in Scotland forever for women to stay with the name they were born to.

Lucyellensmum, why didn't you insist upon marriage before having a baby, if you are keen to be married? You have lost rather an important bargaining chip. 1950s cliches spring to mind re buying v borrowing books from libraries.

My DH regularly gets called 'Mr My surname' when we stay in hotels as I tend to book (and kept my own name). He just shrugs and accepts it...
He was actually keen for me to keep my own name - he said it was who I was, who he fell in love with. Very sweet. Although since getting pregnant I've partly changed my name (on NHS records) because I think baby will have DH's name (not from any patriachal reason, but more for praticality. You couldn't put our names together, they're too long, and if we're going to 'pick a side', I'm happy to go with his). So for school, hospital, etc I'll be 'Mrs DH's name' and the rest of hte time I'm Ms My name.
Am I rambling now? I do apologise...

ProfYaffle - I do that too - I love to hear them get all confused and if they don't start to finish the call I say something like ''you are obviously a sexist cold-caller - goodbye'' !

I agree with idlemum as well. The name thing is useful with cold callers though, when they say 'Mrs X?' I can truthfully say 'There's no-one of that name here' and we never hear from them again!

I kept my name when we got married and most people would address post to me in my maiden name. But now we have children everyone has started calling me Mrs X, which I find a bit strange (other than MIL who knows better!)

Agree with idlemum!

we double barrelled ours surname but Dh's Aunt point blank refuses to acknowledge when she sends gifts (money) she insists on sending it to my husbands 'maiden' name. After dd was born and she does it with both their names despite very clear evidence to the contrary. So I wrote her letters on the subject and she still persists.
I now always spell her name wrong. Childish but if you can't beat them join them
His friends do it to be naughty as well.

Sorry slight hijack - but I am truly fed up that in this day and age there is still the idea that women need to be designated a title according to their marital status but men can be 'Mr' regardless. I use 'Ms' whenever I can (but some forms still don't have this option) as it is no-one's damn business whether I am married or not.

Agree with ProfYaffle - my boyfriend contributes such a lot to baby he is a great father and fabby boyfriend...not just a surname

at uni i worked in a shop and had to phone a customer ket them know her order had arrived, so not knowing her status i asked for Ms Customer...Well she had a complete berky on the phone squawking at me I am married i am a MRS demanding an apology

i was mortified..she was shoting so loud it made my ears vibrate

i also find it funny women who wish to be addressed as Mrs John Bloggs - imo Odd

"all dp can give them is his name " blimey, I'll tell dh he's contributed nothing to our dc's then

lol min192 My own mum does that to me!!

My mate got married recently and was at great pains to let everyone know she would be taking her dp's surname (has always hated her own surname and doesn't get on with her family so was keen to disassociate).

For a wind up I addressed a card to her as Mrs 'DP's name' 'Dp's Surname' - she rang me up and said she really loved it...

i thought (good) fathers added love, stability, nurturing, compassion i think (good) dads do all we do except the obviouslybreastfeeding

so i think the name given does not necesarily need to be his

again its personal preference, whatever suits really

because it's something that the dad can give them that will form a massive part of their identity.

we give birth to them, nurse them, make most of the day to day decisions and usually take the child if there's a split.... all dp can give them is his name

PinkTulips - why the father's name in preference to mums name, just wondering??

i'm unmarried and both dc's have rtheir dad's surname... we plan on marrying so would be confusing for kids to have to change and i'm old fashioned anyway... think kids should have fathers' surnames anyway

I kept my name when i got married and the dc's have my surname (dh's decision) Pil have been really odd about it, sending mail addressed to the dc's first name only (ie, no surname at all). They have repeatedly claimed they didn't know what we'd done with the names, despite us explaining several times. fil said to us 'do I don't have any say on this at all then?' us: 'er, no'. We've more or less resolved it by dh having a word with them on his own. They still don't like it but at least they don't say anything any more.

chipmonkey *Sinking-maybe-Bloody-good-laugh-Definitely

sometimes it is kinda satisfying to stir it up a bit

ScottishMummy, I think I may do that. I thought of it before but Dh said not to sink to her level! Sometimes a bit of sinking does you good though!