To think my mother is a nasty selfish bitch

Just flicked through that website and it has actually made me cry!

pollythdolly I know. It's terribly sad isn't it? When my dd was three months pregnant with her first she had a huge bleed - so scary and worrying for us all - and my mother was very much ' well it would be for the best wouldn't it?' she is a very very strange woman

OP have a look at this website and see if any of it rings true

www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

YANBU OP!!

she isn't unkind to you, she picked up your children and cared for them for n hour. That isn't unkind. Especially if she wasn't feeling well - that is a huge favour.

No it isn't. It's a pretty small one, in the scheme of things.

Do you rely on her a lot like that, and expect childcare as an entitlement regularly?

Perhaps if you actually read the thread, no-name, you would know the answer to that.

Does she have do so quite a bit to childcare for you?

In fact my mother said each time ' well hopefully you'll miscarry'

What?! Jesus wept.

Sittingaround I was just thinking the same thing! 😱

Yes, "Will I ever be good enough" is a very good book. 👍

Will I ever be good enough? is good.

I agree with the poster above who mentioned some women never want children but had them and felt trapped by being a mother. My best friend's mother was this way, something we can see clearly now as adults but when we were children I couldn't understand why her mum was so vile to her. She hated every bit of success my friend had, wouldn't let her attend any parties or events with friends, made her cut off her beautiful long blonde hair when she was thirteen - frankly because I think she was jealous of my friend's looks, never said well done when friend did well in exams, didn't say a word when my friend got into a top university and told no one in the family - no one found out until my friend returned home at Christmas in first year! She stayed silent and miserable at my friends wedding, barely acknowledged her GCs, I could go on. I truly think this woman cannot bear to see her own daughter be happy!

Are we related OP because this was the sort of thing my mother did. She didn't congratulate me with DD1 and was utterly horrified when I got pregnant with DD2 told everyone she was worried about me and that she would have to step in! Yeah right she did nothing for me. I had a mc and she accused me of not wanting the baby then was horrified when I got pregnant with DD3 the month after because she told everyone I was waiting a year before trying again. Couldn't care less about DD3s scan as she knew it would be another girl, hardly took any notice of DD3.

I just stopped phoning her and about 3 months went by and she sent me a nasty letter, I wrote back and she sent me another letter and I though why bother she does nothing for me apart from try to make me feel bad about myself, she's always ill as well, told everyone she was having a cancer scare as she googled her symptoms!

That was 8 years ago haven't seen her since and I don't regret it one bit, she's never met DS.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and deepest sympathy for your mother. I had to smile at the "I'm ill" as that is in the Narcissist guide to being a shit mum! (I'm still writing it.) You can't keep getting pregnant and having anything be about you...what were you thinking? You can address it with her but would be surprised if anything changes I'm afraid. I may try to scope some different childcare before she uses this as a weapon. Good luck.

Shes done you a huge favour

Looking after a grandchild for an hour is not a huge favour - in most families, it's normal. And the OP does a huge amount for her, apparently.

OP, you ever heard of a book called Toxic Parents? I think you might benefit from a read.

This is a very interesting read, it includes how they may treat siblings differently uk.businessinsider.com/narcissists-cannot-love-their-children-2017-7

Yanbu, she sounds vile. Smirking when you were bleeding, beyond nasty. My adult dd had a baby recently and I do not understand any of this behaviour, it is not normal.
Have a look at the book recommendations and congratulations on your pregnancy

Stop talking to her.

I know it's hard - I've had to do it with mine - but you've got to let go. She's a failure as a mother and a person and the only reason she engages with you is to shit on you and make herself feel better for her own shitty life. Does she feed you the old classic lines about how no one will love you like she does, or how she is all you have in the world?

There are some really good books out there for coping with the aftermath of being raised with way - 'Mothers Who Can't Love - A Healing Guide for Daughters' and 'Will I Ever Be Good Enough?' as well - and they can help you stop seeking her approval. She's never going to turn around and be a normal person who says pleasant things.

. is she menopausal?

Menopause doesn't suddenly turn you into a evil bitch and it's not an excuse for any kind of nasty behaviour. It possibly makes you a bit more emotional but doesn't turn you suddenly evil. (I speak as someone whose just gone through it, strangely I didn't grow horns or start behaving like a monster.) But well done, way to encourage all those stupid jokes/stereotypes about menopausal women.

OP, your mum sounds like a nightmare. Unfortunately, as PP have suggested, all you can do is protect yourself from it somehow, and set your expectations really low. My mother is an evil cow, too, and has been since I was a child. She was a cow before, during and after menopause and now she's elderly, she's an evil elderly cow - and I'm supposed to excuse her behaviour because she's old. People always have an excuse for her behaviour. Needless to say, I've been NC with her for over 20 years.

My parents treated my children in an abusive manner. I thought they would be nice as it wasn't me. It isn't, toxic parents are always going to be toxic grandparents. You have to protect your dcs. Mine are still recovering from my parents behaviour four years since they saw them.

Go on the stately homes thread. The posters on there are so helpful and knowledgeable. My parents hate me. Actively try to hurt me and my dh and dcs. I've been no contact for four years. I've moved house and changed phone numbers etc so they can't find us. Look into personality disorders and you may find your mum. I have a narcissist and a psychopath for parents. Also the book Toxic Parents by Susan Forewood, is brilliant. I highly recommend it. Your mum's behaviour is not normal. You did nothing to cause this behaviour. It's not you, it's her.

My grandma was like this with my mum when she was pregnant with me and again with my sibling.
My grandma was like this when my uncle and his girlfriend were expecting their baby. They announced it and she replied ' Oh, what a shame that is. The world is already overpopulated without you adding to it' - also making nasty comments throughout the pregnancy.

However, my mums sister announced her pregnancies and she was greeted with gifts, flowers, love, kisses, money, a brand new car and a 4 bedroom house.

My nan lives next door to her. She's NC with the rest of us. She's always made it clear that the only people that matter to her are her favourite daughter and her children (Yes, she's said this repeatedly). It's a relief not having someone like that in our lives.

Congratulations and very best of luck with your pregnancy

User444 are you the OP's mother?

user1497480444 so you think the rest of the OP's Mums attitude is fine?