Men trying to encourage sex after just two dates. This cant be normal surely

In my experience most don't even wait until the second date.

Never heard of the three date rule! Your entitled to not be pressured for sex or the assumption that there will be sex early on. Just tell them, your not into casual sex. At least you can sort out the opportunists.

Surely it's down to you as to as and when?

Sex is so freely available to both sexes these days, I can't see the point in waiting, if you're both up for it

No judgement but we ve waited couple of months before having sex. Enjoyed lots of dates and got to know each other. The chemistry was insane so it was really hard but I am glad we did. We are now happily married about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary.

Do whatever you are comfortable with but I wouldnt let someone I ve just met walk me home then be surprised that they expected to come in.

Agree with previous posters.

Don't get a gift off them or let them escort you home. Don't let them touch you in a way you don't like. Be verbally very clear and confident in telling them what you want or don't want.

I couldn't/wouldn't wait months op. Lots of people wouldn't. You don't need to feel pressure to do anything though. If it were me I'd mention either in my profile or when emailing that sex is something I want to be Ina relationship for.

I'd assumed someone wasn't interested if the wouldn't have sex with me.

Today 11:45 Notknownatthisaddress

I have never, in my entire life, heard of the 'knickers off on the third date' rule. I couldn't give a shit if people drop their knickers during the third drink with someone, but it's not for me. I prefer to get to know someone a bit first. I never had sex with my husband (who I have been with for over 20 years,) until we had been together 3 months and had met about 20 -25 times.

Even before I met him, I never ever had sex with a man, until we had been together at LEAST a couple of months. Several of them finished with me after 3 or 4 dates when I made it clear I wasn't going to fuck them for a good few months. Sorted the wheat from the chaff that did!

Thank fuck I have not had to 'date' for over 20 years, and don't have to worry about this. I would fucking HATE to be on the dating scene now, (aged 40-something!) and the thought of online dating literally sends chills through me.

^For the record, many women I know who are younger than 30 years of age, seem to get to know the man a bit first when they start dating them, and several women I know who are around 18-23 didn't shag their current boyfriend til 5 or 6 months in to the relationship. It just seems to be women who are over 30 who shag very soon after meeting someone. I wonder why that is?
For the record, I know some younger women shag around whilst on holidays in Magaluf and suchlike (before anyone says anything!) But we are talking about DATING here, and trying to form relationships with people. And women who are in their 30's and older, seem to shag a lot quicker than younger women. As I said, I wonder why that is............^

You tell us. You seem to have an opinion.

Sadly it is the norm. Or rather the sad thing is they can't accept when you dont want to.

I've had to get rid of one as he was all over me on the first date in spite of me asking him to stop it.

For some stupid reason we had a second where he was even worse and actually tried to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom after I had already said no !

Ugh.

& no judgment of women who want to dtd on 1st or 2nd date. Fine between consenting adults. Just cant stand these idiots who seem to think a few conversations then taking a woman for a meal = she should automatically be up for sex if he wants it immediately

A lot of men nowadays seem to think minimum effort will get them a shag. Sometimes I wonder if its partly to do with sex being discussed more freely via internet. The number of dickheads on FB Ive noticed 'casually' start a topic about sex/relationships, then loads of women who dont even know him piling in with 'oh I do/would do this or that' intimate details. These guys are searching for 'victims'/easy sex as far as Im concerned.

Not throwing blame on women btw, just saying what Ive seen a few times. Also the 'its a chocolate box' mentality of some men towards internet dating..if you dont put out someone else will kind of thing. The numbers game.

Last 'memorable' date before meeting OH - guy arranges date says he'll pick me up end of my road. He then calls on way "what would you like me to bring you to drink? Me: errmm why would you bring me a drink when we're going out?! Him: Well I've work in the morning so dont want to go for meal or to a bar or anything like that '. Then made it clear Netflix n chill was expected & he'd stay all night for that. Yuk. & he wasnt the only one with the attitude that sex has to be almost immediate. Never mind courtship.

A friend is dating at present and says these guys are rife out there. & she's much older than me.

Just have to keep sifting I suppose. For 20 over-sexualised creeps that don't respect themselves or women trying their luck, I figure there must be 1 decent available man.

My partner of 7 years and I had first date sex. The attraction levels were high and we couldn't wait to get each other's pants off, so why not make the most of it?

Surely, a man can tell whether a woman wants to have sex with him. Like, having her hands all over his body would be a sign ... I think it is pretty clear from the post that OP was pressured. It is the men who have their hands all over her

Double standards here surely!

I'm not sure anything has changed.... when I was dating 20 years ago the expectation of sex after a couple of dates wasn't unusual at all!

It's depressingly normal in London for men to expect sex on the third date. And if you say no, they get nasty and disappear.

It's one thing to have a different expectation of timing, but to then get so horrible about it...

This is why I'm still single!

A good percentage of men on dating sites just want sex. Kids in a sweetshop. A bloke at my work just goes through date after date, has a few shags then bins them off unless they are dynamite in bed. Average or below he won't date.

What a judges, sexist post! Having sex on the first date is fine as is waiting three years never mind three dates. The important point is whether both (or all) people involved consented. I have had plenty of one night stands because that was what I, and the person I had them with, wanted at that time.

For me...and I am well aware I probally sound a little crazy.

If a guy didnt at least hint that he would (not neccessarily at that point but somewhere in the future) quite like a shag. I would ashume they didn't fancy me.

Or

They had a low sex drive. In which case we would not be compatible at all.

I have slept with people 1st date 10th date and everything inbetween.

But from the 2nd date in I have at least gotten the hint they fancied me & wanted to. Otherwise what is the point.

I think it comes down to what is comfortable for both parties but always the one who wants to wait has the casting vote so to speak. ....ultimately noone should be made uncomfortable or pushed into sex

Saying that I don't believe in hard and fast rules , my stbxh was a slow burner physically but not romantically and that was fine and my now dp started off as a physical no strings relationship but frankly we both fell like a ton of bricks

If it's mean to be it's meant to be and sex is fine but it's when one doesn't want it and one does that is the issue

So again my basic rules of life .....if it's consensual and both are happy then no judgement , don't do anything you don't want to but as long as someone is being respectful but making their desires known provided they respect you aren't ready what's the problem?

Myself personally, I've always wanted to have sex early on then you know if you are physically compatible. After one or two dates it's easier to knock things on the head cause it didn't work then it is throwing away three months of your life.

This was my approach. Avoids the horror of too much build-up to sex, and the far worse horror of having invested time and emotion in a relationship where you turn out to be sexually incompatible.

It just seems to be women who are over 30 who shag very soon after meeting someone. I wonder why that is?

Mid 20's and that's me, my standards aren't low I am just doing what I want and when I want it. I'm not seeking validation or anything just enjoying myself in the way that I see fit.
Holding onto your knickers for a few months is no different and imo doesn't really make much difference to the outcome of the relationships you might have whichever way you do it.

I've had some steamy encounters with men and not dropped my knickers because in that moment I didn't want to And not in the way of protecting my morals. Sometimes more fun thinking what it could have been.

Sex is a mutual activity to be enjoyed, can be casual, passionate and loving the timescale in which it's done doesn't devalue it in anyway.

I have sex with dates when I feel ready and they feel ready. I think that it as it should be whether that is the first date or the 50th. I like sex and think it is an important part of a relationship so I do like to know early on if we are compatible in that way.

I slept with my fiancé on our first date and about two hours after meeting him because it felt right and two years later it still does.

I am over 30 but have never had time for the double standards women often face and have slept with people on the second date when I was younger. Sometimes that led to a relationship and sometimes it didn't. No regrets.

I've also never heard of the 3 date rule over here. First time I heard it was on Frasier. Same with "being exclusive". These seem to be rules that have come over from the US.

Yep, it's cos we know what we want.

Aged 18, you tend to be a bit more nervous, and I think there's that slightly coy thing of pretending sex isn't the natural conclusion of what you're doing, just in case you get hurt or the person you're dating doesn't like you as much as you like them. There's nothing wrong with it, though.

It just seems to be women who are over 30 who shag very soon after meeting someone. I wonder why that is?

Maybe it's because they're old enough to have shrugged off the double-standards and labels, and have decided to do whatever and whoever they want, whenever they want.

I have never, in my entire life, heard of the 'knickers off on the third date' rule. I couldn't give a shit if people drop their knickers during the third drink with someone, but it's not for me. I prefer to get to know someone a bit first. I never had sex with my husband (who I have been with for over 20 years,) until we had been together 3 months and had met about 20 -25 times.

Even before I met him, I never ever had sex with a man, until we had been together at LEAST a couple of months. Several of them finished with me after 3 or 4 dates when I made it clear I wasn't going to fuck them for a good few months. Sorted the wheat from the chaff that did!

Thank fuck I have not had to 'date' for over 20 years, and don't have to worry about this. I would fucking HATE to be on the dating scene now, (aged 40-something!) and the thought of online dating literally sends chills through me.

For the record, many women I know who are younger than 30 years of age, seem to get to know the man a bit first when they start dating them, and several women I know who are around 18-23 didn't shag their current boyfriend til 5 or 6 months in to the relationship. It just seems to be women who are over 30 who shag very soon after meeting someone. I wonder why that is?

For the record, I know some younger women shag around whilst on holidays in Magaluf and suchlike (before anyone says anything!) But we are talking about DATING here, and trying to form relationships with people. And women who are in their 30's and older, seem to shag a lot quicker than younger women. As I said, I wonder why that is.............