Men trying to encourage sex after just two dates. This cant be normal surely

"If it were me I'd mention either in my profile or when emailing that sex is something I want to be Ina relationship for."

Because it's so odd not to want to have casual sex when you're looking for a relationship?? That's so depressing.

It's not so odd, but it's not for me and would be a waste of my time as I have zero interest in 'courting'. The point of online dating is that you can say upfront and hat you're interested in and not interested in. Why not say upfront you're not interested in casual sex?

"I'd assumed someone wasn't interested if the wouldn't have sex with me."

Why? Being interested in someone doesn't mean constantly sexually available, does it?

No, no one owes me sex but I don't want to date a guy who has hang ups about sex or a low sex drive. That's my prerogative as much as it is his to avoid it.

It's not double standards. I wouldn't date a man that would happily have casual sex or sex with someone he had only know a few dates.

Men like women who want sex. They just don't want women who will shag a man they barely know.

^Fortnum

Married before the Internet dating thing so probably means I am clueless but from a mans perspective generally the easier and earlier it was to get sex the less interested I was in a long term thing. My wife made me wait a year - however that probably constituted about 10 weekends together as we were in a very long distance relationship. What made me keep interest was that she wasn't easy... nothing wrong with a one night stand when single , but does nothing for me when considering a long term relationship..^

Translation: I prefer to only have sex with women who don't actually want to fuck me. Nothing weird here. Nothing to see.

And if someone played games making me wait it wouldn't make me respect them. Quite the opposite.

Because sex with someone you don't know can be pretty terrific?

I would be really hurt if someone didn't fancy me enough to suggest sex fairly early on.

I can't imagine why anyone would want to swap bodily fluids with someone they don't even know!

Makes me want to vomit.

Those of you who waited months, can I ask what you did do?
I'd like to know too, because with all that "chemistry" buzzing around I would've gnawed my own arm off by then

from a mans perspective generally the easier and earlier it was to get sex the less interested I was in a long term thing
Really Fortnum, why's that? Should women be chaste and virginal to prove how special their chosen sexual partner is?

fancying someone is not the same as wanting to have sex with them that night is it?
"Fancying" someone is pure animal lust for me I'm afraid and that might mean I'd want it that night, yes. Liking someone, thinking they're a lovely person, wouldn't lead to a relationship unless I wanted to fuck them. Personality without lust/fancying = friend.

Personally it's because I've found that whether I have sex with someone on the first date or whether I make them wait a lot longer makes no difference to how the relationship will develop

That's my experience too, makes no difference whatsoever.

It just seems to be women who are over 30 who shag very soon after meeting someone. I wonder why that is?

1. Personally it's because I've found that whether I have sex with someone on the first date or whether I make them wait a lot longer makes no difference to how the relationship will develop.

1. That I think life is too short to stick to rules regarding what I should or shouldn't be doing sexually provided it's between consenting adults. If men don't feel ashamed for being sexual animals why shoud I?

1. Because if I fancy someone enough to want to go on a 2nd date with them I really want to fuck them. That as I'm able to seperate love from sex I don't get emotionally attached just because I've had sex, so I can enjoy it without lots of baggage, and at least if I find out I don't like him after a few weeks I've had some good sex.

1. Finially, because I really don't want to spend ages getting to know someone, becoming seriously sexually frustrated in the meantime, build an emotional bond, only to find we're sexually incompatible and I want to end it.

Of course, but fancying someone is not the same as wanting to have sex with them that night is it

For me it is, and that's obviously who I was referring to.

"but if I don't fancy them it's a non-starter."

Of course, but fancying someone is not the same as wanting to have sex with them that night is it?

Also, lots of people find attraction grows with time.

I generally know by the second date whether I want to have sex with them. Not to say it happens on date 2 I'm a date 3 kind of girl but if I don't fancy them on date 2 there probably won't be a date 3. Maybe I'm shallow? It just seems a bit pointless if I don't have any desire to take it further.

Because it's so odd not to want to have casual sex when you're looking for a relationship?? That's so depressing.

It's sensible to say upfront what you do or do not want. Many profiles say things like 'Not interested in casual sex or one night stands.'

Are you saying you'd dump somebody if they didn't put out on the second date? Or that if you yourself don't want to have sex on a second date, that means you don't fancy them?

The second one. It doesn't mean I will have sex with them (obviously), but if I don't fancy them it's a non-starter.

Just have sex when you both want to, surely? If one wants it before the other, wait or move on.
Agree it's pressure and ignoring signals that's the problem here.

"If it were me I'd mention either in my profile or when emailing that sex is something I want to be Ina relationship for."

Because it's so odd not to want to have casual sex when you're looking for a relationship?? That's so depressing.

"I'd assumed someone wasn't interested if the wouldn't have sex with me."

Why? Being interested in someone doesn't mean constantly sexually available, does it?

"I would be expecting sex on date 2 onwards, in most cases. If I didn't, there wouldn't even be a second date."

Are you saying you'd dump somebody if they didn't put out on the second date? Or that if you yourself don't want to have sex on a second date, that means you don't fancy them?

"I think the situation has changed and people did wait longer years ago, or at least if you did want to wait, it wasn't considered unusual."

Look at the 90s Cold Feet series. The main couple waited a month or two then John Thompson's character went out with the nanny for a while without having sex.

I'm probably the same generation as Fortnum and there were men who thought like that when we were younger, they were different times. To deny men had that attitude however wrong it may be is to deny those times. Don't forget our parents were brought up in the forties and fifties and the accepted moral code was very different.

There was a girl in my Mothers home town who had a child out of wedlock, she was totally shunned in the street. My Mother was not allowed to talk to her. Unmarried Mothers were still forced to give their dc up for adoption and Mothers and Baby homes existed right up till the seventies. Sex out of wedlock was a very risky business till the pill. Did you know that unmarried Mothers were sometimes put in to mental asylums previous to this? Now in those times my Grandmother would have been a very young girl.

You may all despise his attitude I certainly do but it was a relatively common attitude. Personally I'm glad it's changed.

Fortnum I bet it was an effort to lift your knuckles off the ground to type that!

Fortnum you wouldn't have liked me then! Just as well my lovely fiance is a slightly more enlightened man. First date for us five times oh those were the days

I think the situation has changed and people did wait longer years ago, or at least if you did want to wait, it wasn't considered unusual.

I'm actually surprised Fortnum can type, with such tiny arms. But that's by the by.

Easy?