to be really sick of ASD being trotted out as an excuse?

It's nothing new I'm afraid. I have bipolar disorder - have been diagnosed for over 20 years and I'm pretty successfully treated. Most people wouldn't know if they didn't spend a lot of time with me, and I'm very laid back and easy going.

It drives me insane when people describe a friend/colleague/relative as having big mood swings and everyone hops on the bipolar wagon. Yes, people with bipolar have mood swings, but they have to last for days or weeks at a time to tick the diagnosis box. Someone who just loses their temper once in a while is not bipolar (they may also be bipolar, but that is not a symptom).

ASD is the new one people have come across. ADHD also gets bad press - I have two nephews who have proper diagnoses and they are like chalk and cheese, one has the AD heavy type and the other the HD type. Very different traits and problems.

I will add though we have spent 18 years reminding him of what is acceptable but it doesn't compute!

YANBU, OP.

I try very fucking hard to interact with people, all day long, then go home and rethink every interaction I had that day, and replay it trying to work out if I might have offended someone, and how I could try and fix it, or what I should have said instead. Then I come on here and read about someone's DH being a selfish prick and others automatically put forward the suggestion that he's probably just ASD.

My DS doesn't recognise when something is not within the sociable norms so will ask /comment on what might be thought to be inappropriate in a social setting.

He is not bothered about trying to fit in - he lives in his world by his rules

@muckypup73 what on earth's disgusting about OP's post? Have you been arsed to read the thread?

I get fed up of this too; it really does my head in. I work bloody hard to build and keep a career in spite of ASD and when people resort to trite stereotypes it does none of us any favours.

I also help run a childcare business and, although not always, I think if you are knowledgeable (having ASD yourself helps IMO - I think it can make it easier to understand the sort of triggers which might be driving acting out) you can often tell the difference in person between 'bad' behaviour driven by ASD and just plain old bad behaviour. It's had to explain exactly how or why though.

The thing is that if you describe the behaviours, especially in writing they sound very similar.

I've never seen it used an as excuse. Many times as an explanation though. My eldest has ASD, (diagnosed by a team of professionals) and I have on occasion felt the need to explain why he turns to the side to talk to new people or why once he felt that his question had been answered at the farm park, he just walked off. Obviously we are working on these things but it helps all around if he has understanding while he is still learning. Otherwise he just gets labelled a rude boy.

I have seen posters explain about their child's diagnosis when an OP is ranting about a "naughty" child at school who seems to get off lightly or upsets others. In these cases the OP always categorically KNOWS that the child has no SN. I think that in this instance posters are just encouraging a different point of view and after all nobody, even the OP can know if the child has ASD, ADHD or a rubbish home life, it's just putting a different point of view. Especially for parents this is a sensitive issue and people can't help but come from their own experience and hurt so it can get a bit heated.

I have probably missed a lot of the threads you mean though. If its anything like everyone claiming to be "a bit OCD" you have my sympathy.

This thread will descend into disablism.

If someone described a child with behaviours similar to my son's I don't think it is unreasonable to suggest the possibility of asd.

I am absolutely raging at your post op!!!! you rage???? in fact I am not even going to humour you!!! you have a diagnoses of Asd?? and you think you know it all???

i agree just said it elsewhere-sick of it tbh

if they explain they have asd or soe such then fine but being rude doesnt mean they have sn it could just be theyre an arsehole

Yes, i whole heartedly agree. My eldest has autism, youngest under diagnosis.

Eldest is high functioning, very intelligent, kind, caring, compassionate and complex. He is also very clearly autistic, comorbid with ADHD, dyspraxia and various other things like Meares - Irlen. People tell me he can't be Autistic, because he's lovely!

Hes at a special Autism provision linked to mainstream. DH works at mainstream and has other teachers telling him how DS isn't really Autistic because hes not violent or abusive like some of them.

All people have personalities and characterists. People with Autism are part of the cohort people, they too have personalities and individual characterists.

I find your post utterly disgusting OP!

I love MN but sometimes the things trotted out are and I'm not so sure it is entirely an even representation. Everyone has a narc/toxic parent/IL who they are NC with, a child sleeping on a mattress without a sheet is worthy of dialling 999 and toddlers walk 15 miles a day. Don't give it much thought OP.

Armchair diagnoses should be avoided, yes, but I do think things would be easier for us autistic people if instead of immediately being written off as rude or odd or badly behaved or whatever, other people considered that we might actually be struggling or needing space or struggling with anxiety. We shouldn't have to wear a badge, people should just consider that there might be more than meets the eye.

missionitsimpossible why such a snippy response?

Exactly what nelliefivebellies said. Brilliantly put.

Issue 1: thread started complaining about partner (invariably a man) behaving like a selfish knob. Several suggestions "is he on the spectrum?". No, he's a selfish knob.

Issue 2: ASD is a reason for ASD-behaviours. Some of which may be seen as 'bad' or 'rude' behaviour (especially, obviously, if the observer doesn't realise someone's diagnosis). Anyone who gives it a second's considered intelligent thought realises this is a reason and wouldn't say it's an excuse.

Asd is the reason for a lot of my son's behaviour, some of which may be seen by others as bad behaviour or not sociably acceptable.

I get your point OP. I feel like I've read a lot of threads where someone's husband is behaving / communicating terribly and then someone pipes up with 'maybe he's autistic'. Ditto 'have you considered that he may be depressed?' We should be generous about people's conditions but we should also recognise that sometimes people are being twats.

Having ASD doesn't excuse bad behaviour but it does mean that it needs to be dealt with in a different way.
I may look like I'm letting DS1 get away with screaming and shouting at me but I know from years of experience with him that he needs to be ignored and left to completely calm down before I discuss his behaviour with him. He still gets consequences and made to apologies etc but i know that if I force the issue while he's worked out it just escalates and everyone gets worked up.

*diagnosis

harder Oh. Sorry OP.
I agree it is irritating when people automatically assume the person who is being badly behaved has ASD, without knowing anything about that person. Some people are just badly behaved and that is it. No diagnoses needed.

omg someone call The Mail as OP has just stumbled across the fact that some people can be rude, self centered, selfish, careless, don't-give-a-tossish, etc