To ask MIL not to bring children a present at every visit?

Message withdrawn

Not worth offending them over this in my view

This won't stop your kids learning decent values in the longer term and it is nice that the grandparents bother to do this, their hearts certainly seem in the right place

Then give it to a charity shop.

Chuck them out, noonar.

She probably won't ask, but if she just, just pretend you don't know where they went.

i may simply 'lose' them, expat, bedfore she gets too attached to them!

Just let them play with it till the ILs leave, then distract them whilst you secret the offensive gift away.

If they ask, tell them the fairies carried it away or the leprechaun got it.

You have to decide if it is a battle worth winning, and if you would be happy to deal with any potential consequences of saying something.

Try not to compare both sets of parents too. What is right for one set is not necessarily right for another set of parents. And often, as we hear loads on MN, PILs will never get it fully right anyway!

Now I'd have chucked out the Bratz slippers when she went to bed and told her the fairies carried them off.

i know just how you feel. we just got back from marrakech, and bought dd1 a pair of handmade leather sequinned slippers- really pretty and traditional in style.

3 days later, mil bought her a pair of 'bratz' slippers. classy.

You can always chuck it out once they go to bed.

Message withdrawn

I pick my battles.

And this isn't one of them.

I don't mind.

They never see one set of grandparents anymore, although these are the ones who always send them loads of expensive gifts and clothes.

But really, it's just a few times a month and it gives the ILs pleasure and it's not really my money and when they get older they're going to want to spend their pocket money on stuff that probably always isn't going to be to my tastes so f*&k it.

my mum buys the dds the most tremendous crap

cheap, shitey tk maxx/poundland crap

they love it for about 30 minutes then it breaks and we chuck it away

I agree it would be more pleasing if they said 'how lovely grandma a hand whittled hoop I will treasure it forever' but...well...

\My MIL does this, and TBH I wouldn't mind if it was something like pencils, colouring books or even a comic, but it's always something cheap with lots of little bits that get lost after half an hour.
My mum buys them things to use at hers - like books, card games etc. She actually went to a shop in Crlisle and found card games like happy families and Old Maid, which my two love playing. She also takes them walks, feeds the ducks, take them to the farm down the road, and they love going there, yet MIL, who buys them loads of stuff won't actually do anything with them, she expects them to willingly go shopping with her!
FIL and step MIL on the other hand don't come to visit us all that often and they always turn up with big huge bags of sweets, I don't mind them ahving the odd sweet, but DS2 can't have certain addivitve and they know this, but still bring things up he can't have, then give them to him when we aren't looking.
I have given up asking not buy them as none of them listen, and no i don't think you are being unreasonable

We tolerate the crap MIL buys- it usually falls to bits within a week and is never the kids fav toys iykwim (honestly my kids prefer decent plastic not £1 shop stuff lol)

They just don't understand the spoiling thing- say it's their 'right' . TBH the kids will get to the age where they will be taught to be polite but not be rude about the erm weird and silly plastic- il's will soon realise the toys they choose are not the fav's and finally agree to follow birthday and xmas lists- and maybe even ring and ask before a visit if there is anything the children need or would like!

Honestly if the il's don't get it then they make their own bed and lie in it. Kids are not thick- I certainly wasn't ;)

but ita with all the urghs at trying to handle it right- my other realisation is that I can never be 'right' with MIL so I might as well do my best to do right by MY kids!

some people do express their affection through buying things though, my ILs do and to try and restrict them would be (I think) like saying - can you try not to express your love for them so much please? I don't express my love like that, and neither do you I expect, but some people do.

agree with hula and scummy

are you sure this isn't actually about YOU? do you think you would feel the same if it were your parents buying all the stuff?

Agree hula. Kids aren't silly.

COV - your children will work out all this in time though. They will love the people who gives them the most attention and love, not the most toys.

i tried to tell my IL's that the dds would rather have an hr in the park being pushed on the swings than a present but all they said was "oh i dont have proper shoes on for that"

says it all really

I can't wait to buy my grandchildren plastic tat. And I hope their other grandparents are wooden toy enthusiasts and then I will be the favourite grandparent. It will be a lovely thing, I think.