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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL not to bring children a present at every visit?

162 replies

ComeOVeneer · 12/03/2007 14:44

Visits 2-3 times a month. Present every time to the value of approx £10. DH says it is her right as a grandparent. I am worried LO's are being spoilt and expect gifts. My parents visit the same amount and only bring gifts on special occasions. (Last time my parent's came dd asked me (luckily they didn't hear) why they hadn't brought her anything). I don't wish to encourage greed in my children but dh doesn't want anything said for fear of his mum getting upset.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 12/03/2007 17:12

its totally the wrong message

very materialistic

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 12/03/2007 17:11

I am not objecting to them giving ther grandchildren treats, I would rather they were either cheaper little treats (preferably disposable) or did things like a theatre/cinema trip, a day out somewhere raather than toys/gifts more suited to birthday/christmas presents. I think it is teaching the children the wrong message.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 12/03/2007 17:03

Well it is a bit about her, isn't it

she feels it is possibly undermining her own parenting messages ("save up and wait for things you like"

and she has nowhere to put the stuff

puddle · 12/03/2007 17:01

i would perhaps get your dh to drop big hints about Special Days Out with grandparents, rather than presents.

FioFio · 12/03/2007 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 12/03/2007 16:59

no zippi

being a gp is about babysitting so mummy an ddaddy can go out

zippitippitoes · 12/03/2007 16:59

I don't think buying stuff is what being a gp is all about tbh

nailpolish · 12/03/2007 16:58

fio i drop massive hints whenever dds need shoes

somehow il's like buying shoes

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 12/03/2007 16:57

Noonar wehave no room for books either. I have 4 underbed boxes full of books and each child has a bookshelf full in their bedrooms. They just really don't need all these material belongings. If they want to spend their money on them I would much prefer hey ookthem out for the day, or to thetheatre, cinema etc.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 12/03/2007 16:57

maybe the pils don't know how to stop now they've started

they could be having the argumen themselves and would be relieved to cut down

HEIFER · 12/03/2007 16:57

Isn't that what being a GP is about..

I know that my mum loved to buy things for DD.. I didn't always like it but hey if DD did then fair enough..

I bet my mum got a lot of pleasure out of choosing the present and giving it to DD..

DD (3) has no GPs now to spoil her, so glad my mum did while she was around..

If you don't want the presents tell your GP to pass it our way!

nailpolish · 12/03/2007 16:56

i think buying books froma cahrity shop is a good idea

good causes and all that

and wonde r at who "Clarissa" is who wrote her name on the inside cover in joined up writing

FioFio · 12/03/2007 16:56

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Enid · 12/03/2007 16:56

franny this isnt about ComeOv, this is about her PILS

yes you can say dont bring anymore but they will be hurt and offended

so is it worth it

RubyRioja · 12/03/2007 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enid · 12/03/2007 16:56

yes you are right

I think a colouring book etc IS more suitable

but your PILs clearly dont! and you can't change them - so it really isnt worth it

have you broached it ina friendly way?

Pruni · 12/03/2007 16:55

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 12/03/2007 16:55

Enid do you not think that ComeOV could have some say in it when it is after all her house that is being inundated with SEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS OF PLASTIC TAT every year???

I am wincing at the whole situation, it is quite bad really isn't it?

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 12/03/2007 16:53

But surely a small gift of a clouring book or a magazine is more appropriate than a gift more suited to a birthday or christmas? It is not the fact that they give them a gift every time they come, it is just taht they are such expensive gifts. DD has been oing through a faze of seeing an advert etc and asking if she can get that certain product. I say no she caneither save up her pocket money, or wait for her birthday/christmas. Then her grandparents visit and bring a gift like something she has seen. Surely that is giving her mixed messages.

OP posts:
noonar · 12/03/2007 16:52

hey, why not ask them to buy a book instead? explain that you have little room for more toys.

noonar · 12/03/2007 16:51

i think you have a right to some 'quality control' in your own home, tbh.

my mil is responsibible for EVERY bit of tat dd1 owns. from barbies to second hand broken polly pockets and poor quality oldfashioned picture books by unknown authors...it's all down to her!

FrannyandZooey · 12/03/2007 16:50

I haven't read whole thread but from your OP that is just TOO MUCH STUFF

no child needs that much kit and it must be cluttering up your house I would think? Can you ask her to bring a small present that gets used up eg colouring book / magazine / stationery / something to eat, instead?

Just say you think the children have enough stuff and you really haven't storage space for any more toys? I am assuming you have at least 2 children, so this is 6 new toys coming into the house every month? That's 72 things a year You can't let her keep it up, surely?

expatinscotland · 12/03/2007 16:50

Well, yeah, Pruni, because my 3.7 year old has dyspraxia (and probably other learning disabilities) and whilst she is a very pretty and good-natured child, she's not the brightest light in the habour, tbh.

She doesn't notice and if she does it's in passing.

The baby is, well, a baby.

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 12/03/2007 16:50

I frequently do make up a box of stuff for the charity shop, and get dd to help me,so she is aware of helping out others not as fortunate as her etc. I just resent having to work even harder to make here aware of the value of things and not end up being a spoilt brat because she is constantly inundated wih gifts.

OP posts:
MrsPhilipGlenister · 12/03/2007 16:49

I really, honestly, wouldn't be remotely bothered about this. I think it's lovely that they are able to visit so often (my MIL is dead and DH is estranged from FIL). It doesn't seem worth getting het up about.

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