To ask MIL not to bring children a present at every visit?

well obviously its a generalisation

but then so is the idea that taking kids to the cafe twice in a row makes them materialistic

I am generally laid back about gps and plastic tat (which I actually rather love) but I think I would mind if I was CoV too. I wouldn't say anything other than a gentle hint, because I do agree that it's kind of what gps are "for" to a point, but what would bother me is that birthday and Christmas presents would cease to have any kind of impact with large presents arriving several times a month. And that seems a shame, if they miss out on the anticipation. I agree that colouring books and crayons would be much more appropriate in an ideal world.

hmm

your own parents are not really other people like yopur ex next door neighbours might be

I think you might be surprised how quickly even a rubbish present becomes more anticipated than the gps..it really doesn't take long for children to become quite mercenary

Can you really Enid? What a clever woman you are, having never met my ds and all

I think "make other people bend to your way of parenting" is a rather sensationalist way of putting it. All COV wants is for her PIL to curb the expensive present-buying a bit, because it's excessive and unnecessary.

I can almost promise you that if you took your ds to a cafe every day for a week he would soon be begging for your spag bol at home

Hmm, I think you are reading too much into it Greeny. Your perogative though

Hmm, Enid, I think kids do have a tendency to start to prefer stuff (esp food) which has been bought from outside or in a cafe. IMO that is the sort of expectation which starts to head towards "spoilt brat" behaviour if it's indulged every time. My step-siblings were incredibly spoiled and mercenary and expected much more than we did, they turned their noses up at everything whenever they came to our house.

you lot have a serious wake up call to come if you really think you can make other people bend to your way of parenting!

all you can do is try your best to act in a decent honourable way to your children and hope that they grow up to have good values of their own. Yes they will be influenced by others but usually they grow out of it.

well if you had done it two days in a row he probably would 'expect' it

but more that it has become part of your routine than he wants to spend money I should think

not read the whole thread but is it there way of showing they care perhaps? does / can she do anything else to show she cares?
incidentally, my mil doesnt tend to buy anything except for occassions and i prefer that to be honest BUT then again she wouldnt go out of her way either if u know what i mean.

on your own heads be it

I didn't say he was grasping and greedy, though. I said I wanted to teach him that life isn't all about spending money on treats and presents, and that good times can be had without spending money on stuff. I used that incident to illustrate how quickly children begin to "expect" if something happens regularly.

so what zippi

its NOT the same as parents doing it

greeny - your son clearly really enjoyed going to the cafe - I hardly think being disappointed that you weren't going to a cafe makes him grasping and greedy

I don't know hoow old they are but any child given stuff every time will come toexpect it..and they will start asking for it

I agree with you COV. It's too much. If this was my family and my children I would have to say something, although I would try to be very gentle about it. I am trying to teach my two that quality of life isn't all about "stuff". I don't want them to be the sort of children who think it's hardly worth leaving the house unless you've got £50 to spend. I picked up ds1 from nursery one day and he said "Where are we going to lunch today Mummy?" and then sulked because I said we were just going home - that was because I had taken them to cafes with friends two days in a row! It's not easy in our current social climate to instil the message that life isn't all about spending money on treats and presents. If it was just the odd piece of cheap tat, or presents every now again as a spontaneous indulgent splurge, I wouldn't interfere, in fact I would think it was lovely. But a remote controlled car, or a full outfit with accessories, something which I would rate as a "main" present for Christmas or a birthday - to bring something like that every time they come, I think that's seriously intruding on their upbringing.

Not the fashionable view, obviously. But if I were you I would say something (as gently as possible) if your dh won't.

I agree with Enid,
a:it's not yr money
b:giving kids stuff materially does not mean they will grow up selfish or demanding
c:be glad your kids have grandparents who love them,actually,that they HAVE grandparents.

I do think it's alot of stuff BUT if it hasn't made your children into spoilt brats yet then I don't suppose it will. The messages mum and dad give ARE more powerful than those from others; and no-one can buy a child's love, that really is given for more heartfelt reasons...but at the same time I remember being pleased to see my extra generous uncle

I think it would be perfectly polite and reasonable for you or dh to say to them "you've always been so generous to the kids, but we are getting to the stage now where we have no room to store more toys. If you want to bring something, could it be a magazine each so that they don't have to spend their pocket money on them?"

If that sort of thing works, then fine, but if they insist on ignoring it then I really wouldn't fight this battle. The values you instil in them are way more powerful than those they get from 2 or 3 visits from the GP's every 4 weeks.

yes agree with zippi

surely there is a good humoured and friendly way to make your point

ah but there is a rule of this that you have to keep the messages going strong as long as possible like not giving naughty food on the grounds that they will have it one day

...I don't see that pils are always so fragile that they can't have their own son say mum you know we love you slobber kis kiss but we are getting buried under yoyr generous giftsa

My grandparents used to do this when I was little (my mum's parents). Mum heard me and db say one time "hello grandma, what have you brought us?" and put a stop to it there and then. She said we were associating the visits with getting presents, not the pleasure of seeing our grandparents. She was right.

lol

the world will undermine your parenting messages