To ask MIL not to bring children a present at every visit?

Right, I admit to not having read this thread as it's very long so apologies if I'm repeating anyone.

Apparently my gm did this with us when were children (3 of us) but with sweets. What mum and dad did was to say that could they buy sweet biscuits -penguins, wagon wheels etc so they could decide when we had them ie after meals.
They went straight into the cupboard, gm thought she was treating us, mumu/dad happy.

This seemed to work in our family.

I have just read this thread and I agree with comeoveneer, I think kids in general are being too spoilt, they see something, they want it, they have it. I really think that you are not being unreasonable to ask PILs to refrain from buying so much, if you dont want your kids growing up expecting to have everything they desire - how about suggesting, a limit to a book, or having the money put into an account or, maybe sponsoring an animal or child on behalf of one of your children?? Kids like tat, but from my experience they have more warm and fuzzy memories of things like playing in the mud/dens/park or one or two special toys. Dont fall into the trap of letting your kids believe they need all this rubbish to fill their lives

Sorry, COV, but in all honesty I don't think their gifts are all that extravagant. £10 for a toy isn't a very big toy. BUT... I take your point that it irritates you and they are your kids. What if you asked them to keep it to one material gift per month, certainly not on EVERY visit. And on other visits they can take the kids out somewhere fun (like the farm or soft play or wherever). Or what about a week long holiday with the grandparents. Boy wouldn't that be fun (for you I mean ).

I just think you need to be careful, given the sticky history.

COV - as I said, this behaviour by grandparents would really upset me.

I think you'll have to speak to them. As long as you're polite, what right have they to take offence? All you're asking for is a bit of thought on their behalf.

Bottom line in this family is - my kids, my rules.

ComeO, they don't have more rights....it's your right as the parent to tell them to stop!

I understand you feel that would cause problems; but that's your choice....you DO have the right and ability to stop it, but obviously not without causing some offence. It's not that you don't have the right though - just that you want it done without any hassle (not criticising, I would be the same; just making the distinction. You can deal with it, but you may need to accept consequences).

Show your dh this thread, then he may realise how important it is to you, and DEAL with it! Good luck.

I think too many toys does a kid's head in. We went to the 2nd birthday party of a boy who had a large play-room that had so many toys in it already he could have opened a toyshop, i joke not. Many of them had not even been taken out the box. The parents had put a very large box in the hall for the guests to leave the birthday presents in. I just heard, a year and a half later that they have a party for him every month on his 'birthday'. The parents work full time and hardly see him, he spends all day with a grandmother who totally indulges him. They honestly couldn't understand why he had behavioral problems...

ComeOveneer you have had lots of good advice here (between bouts of silliness ).

If you cannot mention it to them in a jokey, lighthearted, yet mature way and your dh refuses to either, I don't see what else you can do except put up with it.

MGH, yes, a bit like that

bit like what i said about bank accoutns for dc Sulky look

Can you buy each child a piggy bank (really cute one) and say that DD's asked for a couple of v expensive things lately and you want her to learn about saving up for things and ask that they give her a couple of coins each time they come instead of a gift? Then they'll have to do the same for DS.

Yeah, go for it

both sets of grandparents go OTT with prezzies for my LO's - but then surely thats part of the privelage of being a grandparent? I do make sure that they keep some toys at their house which saves me packing a bagful for each visit (interestingly we somehow always seem to leave the large and noisy toys behind )

My IL's were always going mad... spending piles of money on our kids. They are their only grandkids though, so I can sort of understand it.

2 christmasses [sp] ago they waited until xmas morning when kids had opened their stuff from santa... & went totally overboard, with a huge black bin liner full of toys... I hit the roof. We had a row. We were called ungrateful & they were accused of trying to buy the kids love.

We didn't speak for weeks & weeks, it was our kids that were missing out

Finally we have made up. This Xmas the kids got 2 things each, & they said they would buy them something for outside in the summer

So there's one happy'ish ending

I'm just having this very problem with my DH's parents at the moment - we see them on average once a week so you can imagine the amount of stuff we're accumulating. Last week they even bought my DD a dressing gown (which I'd already said she didn't need at Christmas as my nan had bought her one). She told me to keep it anyway and have 2! I asked her to take it back and exchange it so as not to waste her money but she insisted on me keeping it. DD also recently said she perferred that nanna to my mum as that nann bought them more pressies! I explained that it was wrong to think like that but I can't blame her as she's so spolit by them. The funny thing is, the presents are often really cheapy ones that break within a week but when I try to thrown them out, DD begs me to keep them so I've got bits of things hideen over the house by DD! I think I'll ask if they can start putting money into accounts instead - no doubt MIL will disagree. I think she does it to make sure the children stay liking her, which is very wrong.

I haven't read whole thread yet but I totally sympathis ComeOVeneer. My MIL is exactly the same. Consequently the kids rush up to her and say, 'What have you got us'. I've told them off, but you can't really blame them.

By Enid on Mon 12-Mar-07 16:07:44
have you said anything light like "honestly Brian it is so good of you but you really dont have to buy things like this for them every time you come"

I'm guessing CoV's MIL isn't called Brian.

Other than that, I would suggest eBaying the junk and putting the money into bank accounts for the DC, CoV.

I would say something to your MIL myself and not expect DH to say it. Something light, as Enid suggested - like "Get yer junk OUT of my house, you mad money-spending bint! It won't buy their love, you know!" - as I say, keep it light.

Even if she was being silly (the very thought of it!) you must not argue and be mean to Enid. She has agreed to adopt me and you must always be kind and polite to your friends' mothers.

But Franny, she is being silly

I like Angharad's idea. Tell them that while their generosity is appreciated you can only store so many toys so they will have to keep larger items at their house. That might stop their gallop.

Would it be worth suggesting to inlaws that they buy stuff to keep at their house for when you visit?
The clutter will start to accumulate in their home and maybe they'll see sense that way.

I'd be really upset if my pils were doing this. Talk about grandparents spoiling children - yes, they are!

Oi Greeny

no rucking with St. Enid

Awwwww,milkshake,that's lovely!