my sons girlfriend lives with us how much rent should I charge?

"My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses to but buys his own food."
"DS2 and GF do hardly anything to help around the house and do not contribute to items such as toilet roll/shower gel/clothes washing soap etc"

I think it's time for DS2 and his girlfriend to be thrown out asked to leave. You are doing them no favours, subsidising them like this. All you are doing is reinforcing in their minds that belligerence is the way to get what they want.

If they don't want to be part of your household - and being part of a household includes contributing to that household (financially, practically, emotionally) - then they should leave and set up on their own.

Stop being a doormat.

what does DS2 do exactly? It really depends on your family set up, and you are very kind to welcome his girlfriend.

I wouldn't expect any of my kids to pay anything if they are studying but they have to pull their weight in the house and respect our rules. That applies at any age, chores will obviously vary according to their age.
I am not sure I would be that happy about a girl friend on a permanent basis, I suppose it depends on her circumstances, I might reconsider if she needs help. Otherwise, if they want to live together, they will have to get their own home.

When they have a full time job, then they will pay a rent of some kind (which hopefully will be saved for their deposit when they need it). They don't earn enough on a summer job or weekend job to pay me anything just yet, their main job is to study.

My Ds refused to pay house contributions to me. He moved out and into my elderly mum's place and pays her £200pm. His friend also lives there and pays the same. Mum pays for the food and toiletries etc out of that. She has a Smart Meter and prior to them moving in with her, it said that daily she was using £1.65 ish/max a day in utilities. All good. Since they have lived with her, her daily usage has risen to around £5.90. They are out at work most of the day!
OP, you have to factor in your Council Tax which covers them, water and the other utilities, wear and tear on your furniture, flooring and even the added use of the electric shower; why should these youngsters not pay their way?! I just don't get it! Teach them about real life; nothing is free including the time it takes to do the chores/cooking and they all need to do their bit, not just your other Ds. See if they could rent a room elsewhere for nothing!

Your DS2 refuses to pay rent? What is your reaction to this? And they do nothing to contribute to how the house runs, what is your reaction to this too?

I don't understand how any of them can think that paying nothing is acceptable. We have a simple rule in chez thumpingrug. 20% of working childs net earnings to cover bills and basic food while they remain at home. If they want anything "special" they buy it for themselves. You need to sit down with your children and explain that now they have an income it is unfair, unreasonable and unrealistic of them not to contribute to household expenses. If they don't want to there is a big wide world out there waiting for them.

I agree with the majority here. You are doing him no favours for the long term. Even if you save the money for his first flat deposit, he'll be in the budgeting habit.

As for her paying only £40. I don't know how she can look you in the eye. She is virtually poncing off of you. Should be at the very least, treble what you are asking.

I think you should charge both of them the same. Why should GF pay more when laughing boy refuses to pay anything?

I'm also in favour of charging your DS2 rent before you increase his GF's!
How about you increase the rent overall and say it's for both of them, hey? Or - they start contributing to the tasks required to run the household.

It's good that they buy their own food, both of them - that's a definite help - but do they really do nothing else? Do they do their own laundry? Buy their own laundry supplies?

I think you should be encouraging them to help out more. This is one of the reasons I would never have new home-leavers as lodgers, they didn't have a clue how to look after themselves or their living space - nightmare!

Of course your DD shouldn't be paying, she should still be in FT education, so that's a given - but if your older son is paying in kind, then why in the name of everything sane is your younger son not doing the same? Especially if he's not ill himself? Is he employed?

I paid rent to my in-laws at the same age your ds gf is. I was at uni. He was working full time. I think we paid a v small amount not to dissimilar to what you are getting. But this was 20 years ago!
I loved my in-laws dearly (now ex in-laws) and especially now I'm older can see why they asked for rent. If I was living in halls/student digs I would have had far more bills.
I think in the final year of uni, my exH paid both our rent and his parents had increased it. He never let me forget that. Despite me paying the mortgage and putting him through three years of uni during our marriage

Hardly think it's fair to ask her for more but let your DS live rent free because he doesn't want to pay..

Have you asked her to contribute around the house? I was painfully shy when I moved in with my 'in laws' who are very set in their ways so couldn't see a gap to help out other than doing my own dishes/laundry. Spoke to them and now I know what I can do to help without getting in their way.

As for not contributing to toiletries etc. maybe she assumes this is covered by her rent? Again speak to her if you have a different opinion of what is covered by her rent.

The gf buys her own food, though? How dismal for her. You surely don't cook your food for your ds2 and let his gf sort herself out?
Why is everyone dancing round ds2??

It's entirely up to you if you want to live in a house of leeches. I wouldn't fancy it. (Disclaimer: I didn't pay my parents anything regularly when I lived with them and worked full time. I offered periodically and they preferred I saved money to buy my own house. I would do shopping/pay for meals though).

All kids who are out of education should be paying rent that is proportionate to their earnings imo. All of mine certainly will. Not because I want the money but it's important they learn the realities of life as soon as possible.

Tell your son he needs to start paying rent from today. You are doing him no favours in not charging him now.

I think you and your son's girlfriend are inadvertently giving him the impression that he is the most special and important person in the house and that rules don't apply to him.

How come you think you should raise her rent rather than ask him for any at all? What was your thinking behind that?

They are taking you for a ride. I would never allow my DS gf to live with us but 40quid is an insult. I would suggest a more reasonable amount and from your DS 2.

I think all working members of the family/household, should contribute.
Even if you can afford to carry your children, it is to their benefit, that they learn, not only to budget, but the importance of their money.
It would not be fair to ask your Sons girlfriend to pay more.
It would be fair, if they are working, to ask them to find a place of their own. You could then purchase a smaller property, with lower outgoings, and have more disposable income.

I like the idea about paying a percentage and sitting them all down to make it fair. Things like cleaning and contribution to household items everyone uses should be discussed to as they must be bothering you and will only cause problems down the line. Maybe they could split those costs equally between everyone. But equally if DS2 and girlfriend don't want to contribute like DS1 by helping out around the house perhaps they should also chip in for a cleaner.

My children aren't at this stage yet but I would like to think if they are at home at this age then it is partly to save for their future. If that's the case I would like to see they are saving as well as contributing to the household.

I hope you can sort it all out and they respect your house, your rules x

Agree with other posters. Why are you charging her rent and DS2 nothing? Who gives a monkeys if he doesn't think he should contribute! If he's in full time education, that's different and I assume he's working. Living with you for a few months until he moves into a rented room and not charging rent is completely different to living off your parents for years, which it sounds like this arrangement will be if you don't sort it out.

I would only let them off paying rent if you know that they are seriously saving towards a deposit on a property themselves.

Everyone in the house should be doing household chores, maybe you should draw up a rota?

I'd tell both DS2 and GF to pay rent and to do their fair share of chores around the house.

If they don't like it, you could rent their room out to somebody who would.

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses

That sounds like he is the one in control.

Unless in FT education, he is properly mugging you off - and you are allowing it, it really isn't his descision OP, it is yours

DS2 should pay rent or move out.

Your DS needs to pay rent, he's the problem here not his g/f

We have always said we'll be charging 30% of our childrens income as rent, by basing it on a percentage it takes away who earns more or less and who would be more impacted if you had a flat rate for all children, in your case your eldest on benefits.

There is no reason why you must keep the full 30%, if you can afford it you can always pop it into savings for when they do eventually move out as a surprise, but at least they are contributing and starting to learn to budget as adults.
Personally I'd be using part of the 30% towards a cleaner with that many adults/young adults in one home to ease the pressure on you.

So you are supporting 3 adults and a 16 year old. You don't say whether you can afford to do that, whether you are working, own the house, renting, etc, and what all the young people are doing/planning.
For instance you might choose to support DS2 and gf so they can save for a place of their own, study, generally get launched and independent.
But as a basic principle I would say that bills and household costs should be split in proportion to income, and housework should be split equally.
Give notice to ds2 and gf that from now on you will be treating them as adults.