my sons girlfriend lives with us how much rent should I charge?

Then you'd call the police. But why does he think he can behave like that anyway?

you would think that wouldn't you? that's not how it works in real life

I'm told time and time again its my fault ... fine .. it is .. so when they say no what can one do?

How exactly do you chuck your adult kids out?

I would tell him to leave, and expect him to do as told. I would escalate by throwing all their things by the window, and kick them out, litterally.

Sadly, as a close friend had to do, call the police to have them removed.

DimplesToadfoot if your situation is that bad, you need help. I hope someone will have more details to give you, because it's not acceptable or fair. Would people/charities helping women refuge and abused women have some advice maybe?

so what can you do when you end up in this situation?

Contact the police, tell them you are evicting your adult son and you are scared he will become violent. They'll come round and be there while you send him on his way.

Dimples, unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship with both your son and his girlfriend abusing you.

You need to change the locks, get a camera on the front door and inside the house and call the police if they threaten you or cause any damage.

Do you rent? If so I'd give in your notice and go somewhere else.

You're doing a great job of raising a couple of future cocklodgers. You need to hope that there'll always be some stupid woman in the picture for them to scrounge off.

if I changed the locks he'd just kick the door in

Then you'd call the police. But why does he think he can behave like that anyway?

How exactly do you chuck your adult kids out?
My son moved back home after a relationship breakdown, he refuses to pay board, refuses to help around the house etc, I've told him to pack his bags so many times, he refuses to go, if I changed the locks he'd just kick the door in,

hes moved his gf in, she also refuses to pay rent and help around the house ... I simply am unable to do everything so were now living in a pigsty, I can barely afford to eat myself while they are bringing in McD's every night

so what can you do when you end up in this situation? nothing!! and they know it!

I paid my Mum (who was a single parent) £50 a week - included food, bills & laundry and I thought I was on to a good thing! Bear in mind too that this was back in the early 90's....£40 a month is far too cheap... FREE IS RIDICULOUS! If ds2 and gf are of working age they should be working and paying rent imho.

Lizzj4 I believe you have to be charging quite a lot to pay tax on it and it possibly wouldn't include the OP's own children.

Lodgers can pay £7,500pa I think before the 'landlord' has to pay tax.

Nothing is free fgs, this is the real life lesson, not 'don't worry son/daughter, you can live here for as long as you want, mummy will look after you'

Tell DS2 and his GF to move in with her parents.
Why do you tolerate this shit ?

Make a list, or a spreadsheet if you can.

Work out the monthly household costs, include everything, council tax, insurances, water charges, broadband, TV packages, utilities,mortgage if you have one, include all household expenses such as communal food, cleaning materials, window cleaning, toilet paper, car costs if you have one and they have use of it, be very thorough.

Multiply the total by 12 and divide by 52, then divide again by the number of adults. This will give you the approximate weekly household expense to sustain each adult. Use this figure as a starting point for discussion.

Explain to them all, though maybe not the 16 year old, that these are the expenses that need to be paid out to support everyone's comfort and wellbeing. Explain that you are not looking to make a profit from them, or to live for free yourself, but that as adults enjoying the comfort of living in the house they have to make a reasonable , cash not kind ,contribution towards the household. Or move.

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should

Tell him you do not think he should live with you rent-free and chuck him out.

I'd tell them that the rent between them as a couple is X amount (double what GF pays) which they either pay of find other accomodation, How they decide to split that cost is up to them. GF might find she doesn't want to be his Gf any more if he won't pay up and she's landed with it all.

This happened with my youngest brother - he finally got the hint when at the age of 30 he moved out because mum sold the house and moved to Scotland, that was the measures she had to take to get him to stand on his own two feet. And he was a father of 4 at that point.
She's scared to move back now, hates it but can't face the thought of him landing on her doorstep. Be cruel to be kind.

I'd want rent from your son by the end of the week or the locks will be getting changed! What a cheek! You don't need to ask for a lot, but at least equal with his girlfriend is only fair xxxx

What the fuck? You cannot charge the gf more while enabling your son's pathetic entitled behaviour, that's so unfair. I also can't really believe your son is happy for his gf to pay while he pays nothing.
For reference, when I lived at home with my mum and was working full time and in no type of education, I paid £120 a month. I was earning between £900 and £1100 a month, take home. That included all essentials, food and bills. I paid for luxuries eg clothes, everything re car, toiletries etc
When I lived in a static caravan at my in laws with my ex, we paid £250 between us to his parents, each earning between £1200 and £1500 take home at the time. This included water, electric and wifi, plus ground rent. We paid for all food, gas, cleaning materials etc, everything else basically.
I thought at the time, and still think, my mum was very generous and my ex's parents were very fair.
Your DS needs to get a grip.

to some of the comments on here.

I've had various mixtures of young adults here over the years. Never charged rent, it seems pointless - to start with you should pay tax on it if you're charging them rent. Second, for the ones brought up here, it's their family home.

I do expect them to contribute to the household in other ways (e.g. sharing household jobs, buying own food) - I stop cooking, cleaning or washing for them around 16 - 18.

I don't believe you teach young people independence and a strong work ethic by making them pay rent and threatening to kick then out if they don't meet your demands (asking them to contribute if you're struggling is a different matter, as is asking them to move out because you don't have enough space). Children learn their 'work ethic' by watching how their parents relate to work when they are very young - if you work hard and are conscientious they will be too.

DS19 refuses to pay you, HA! Then fucking refuse to let him live under your roof anymore,simple as!
Give him a choice say he has to start paying you some money,that him and his GF need to clean up they're own mess and that they need to help out now and again.If he refuses again then he's made his choice to move out.

We've had to that with our oldest DS now 21,he was paying us but then borrowing it all back and paying hardly any of it back,leaving a mess everywhere he went and doing nothing around the house at all.

We gave him chance after chance,now he lives with his bestfriend,has regular work and pays his own bills and for his own food.

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses to but buys his own food.

He refuses to??? You're the adult and the home owner. He's not.

Your ds2 and his GF sound like a pair of lazy, sponging brats. They need a wake-up call. Nowhere else will they get free board and lodgings, or someone to cook and clean for them. They need to show you a bit of respect, and start standing on their own feet.

Your ds2 needs to pay rent.

Do you want your son's gf to live with you??

If you don't, ay so! They can move out and get a place together.

I'd be charging board to your DS!

When DH and I lived with his parents between house moves we paid £50 a week but that included our food. We also mucked in around the place.

If they're buying their own food then £35-40 a week EACH sounds fair to me.

Ask them both to pay £40 a week or find somewhere else for that price.

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses

I think I should have next week's lottery numbers. Life is like that.

Unless he is in full time education he should be paying rent which reflects at least the costs (including some cleaner time if they don't pull their weight around the home). What you do with the rent is up to you - even if you privately bank it for his future he should be paying something.

And I'd maybe tell them I'm getting a lodger into the room they use now ...

£40 per month isn't enough but they all should be paying not just gf that's unfair I think

I think your DS2 needs to get his head out his arse, pay you the according amount of rent or him and his gf should move out and pay their own way. You will do him no favours letting him get away without paying his way, tell him to pay or he's gone.