my sons girlfriend lives with us how much rent should I charge?

There are 4 adults in my house. We each pay a quarter of mortgage / bills and food. £300 each a month.

Another vote here for charging them their share of any bills and other household costs, (apart from the mortgage). I.e. Council tax, broadband, TV license, utilities.

Floofborksnootandboop

Thats a really lovely idea. It is teaching your ds that they have to pay their way in life, but when they come to buy a house or need it for something else you'll be able to help them out.

You should be charging any Adult (over 18) who is not in education rent as far as I'm concerned. Whether they are your child or not. If they can't pay rent, they do stuff to compensate, like it sounds your 22 yo does. Does your DS2 work? Why does he think he shouldn't contribute but yet eat all your food and use all the facilities? I think you need to get a bit tougher OP and tell him to cough up or move out.

If he refuses to pay, make sure he is getting what he is not paying for.

Change keys so he has to knock, establish a curfew,
Put locks on rooms you don't want him in (a bit extreme)
Change wifi passwords,
No hot water, or limited water.
Don't let him use washing machine.
Don't let him use fridge.

etc etc....

You have to pay for these things!

I don't think you can kick your own son out like some have suggested, just make it unpleasent for him. Maybe turn his room into the Guest room and box his stuff up. 'Well you're not paying son, so I've turned your old room into the guest room I've always wanted.' Let him sleep there but go in a lot to 'tidy'.

Don't leave him and his gf alone, make sure they always involve you in movie nights etc.
They really should have their own place if not paying rent to you (unless they are saving to buy a house).

I'm evil.

OP, I hope that you are not feeling bullied by your Son, that would be dreadful. If this is the case, and you are not just being soft, you need to ask them to leave, and mean it.
Your younger children do not need to be exposed to the ways of your Son, if this is, indeed the case, and you should be Queen of your own castle.
Please come back and let us know, hope all is well.

And like your situation my mum does everything for them, cooks, cleans, buys all the toiletries, she's had to actually buy a shower bag and start keeping her shampoo/ shower gel etc in her room as the gf goes through it all. Please don't be weak like my mum, they will just walk all over you.

Dbro 1 and Dbro 2 have both had girlfriends live with them at mums house, both time my mum took £250 per month off of them. Dbro 2 and his gf still live there but both do not have their priorities in order and my mum is lucky if she sees £100 pm off of each of them 🙄

DS2 and GF do hardly anything to help around the house and do not contribute to items such as toilet roll/shower gel/clothes washing soap etc

Then they don't get to use them.

They should both be paying their way. Disgraceful they're not IMO.

I would set out how much it costs to run the household, average monthly cost across the year for heat & light, repairs etc, then make an estimate to compare this to a smaller home with fewer occupants. I would include your DD in this exercise too so she can understand for the future.

Then look at incomes and who can reasonably cover what and still have money of their own. If your DS & his GF are saving and you are able to make allowances for that, then do so.

I would make sure there is a definite timeframe for the future, so they have a date to work towards, otherwise you risk them being there a very long time!

Once working full time DC pay 20% of what the earn in rent.

DS1s girlfriend lives with us and has offered to pay something but I refuse to except it and ask instead she just help me out sometimes which she has been amazing at so far. I know she is paying some money towards DSs rent though but that's between them 2.

We can afford to live very comfortably without the money from them so are actually saving it to give back to them when they need it.

I paid my foster parents £400 a month in 1990 ish when I was 18 ish. Not sure what their birth children paid.

I'm sorry, your DS2 refuses to pay? And you put up with this shit. Who is the parent here, you or him? Is it his house? He pays or ships out. £40 a month from his GF isn't much either. I'd charge them a set amount as a couple if they are living there as one. Then I'd continue to make them buy their own food, which includes cooking and clearing up after themselves and doing things like their own washing etc. I bet you do all this! Mug comes to mind.

OP sorry to be nosey, tell me to mind my own of you like, but do you live with a significant other? Is DS2 in contact with his dad? Maybe they should/could say something about all of this to alleviate the pressure from you. If you live with DS2's dad he should be putting his foot down with DS2 and backing you up as well rather than letting your son walk all over you

Op how horrible for you!

I would kick him and gf out, then if they did kick the door in, have them arrested for criminal damage and put a restraining order on them. I know he's your son but sometimes hard measures have to be taken.

I used to pay £250 per month when I lived with my parents which I thought was very reasonable. I helped out with tidying, cleaning bathroom, washing up etc.

If I refused to pay my rent, I know for certain my dad would have kicked me out and left me to fend for myself. He did this with my sister some years earlier. It's a life lesson being able to budget accordingly.

Op, it's your house, your rules. Personally I would charge gf more rent but charge DS2 the same or refuse to cook, wash clothes and any other tasks for them

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should

Have you asked him why he thinks this?

I think that until an adult family member has moved out, you don't really appreciate how much they've been costing for food, utilities, cleaning products, you name it. I've been on the 'child' side of this equation for short periods myself and I didn't get it either, but then I was never asked to pay for more than the odd bit of food shopping. OP, if you can't afford this situation you really need to spell things out to your DS and his GF.

Can't believe people are expecting OP to treat the GF like her DS...

OP, you're being treated like a mug.

Assume DS2 is not a student. He needs to pay you £200pm and GF should pay £250 because she is not family.

Wake up. If they refuse to pay, give them 30 days in which to move out.

Dimples I'm so sorry, what a hell of a life you must live.

Go to the police station and insist on speaking to someone. Tell them what you have told us. Tell them you'd like your statement recorded and make a formal complaint about the previous police visits. They are following what they think is right rather than the law - that's not on. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. Demand to know what exactly they are going to do to help you as a victim of domestic violence.

Also, have a chat with women's aid.

You sound so despondent in your posts. Please don't give up.

Contact the police, tell them you are evicting your adult son and you are scared he will become violent. They'll come round and be there while you send him on his way.

Nope that doesn't work either ... having hot cups of coffee thrown at you, isn't violent enough I guess

Complain about those police officers. If it did get to the stage of him kicking the door in, call them again and, if necessary, remind them of the concept of criminal damage.

Dimples, what you do is, when they are out, bag up their stuff and chuck it out, and then change the locks. When they turn up and kick off, you call the police.

Sadly, as a close friend had to do, call the police to have them removed.

In my case the police refused to help me get him to leave .. in fact they told me I was out of order for treating my son like this and they wouldn't do it to their kids