To leave a ten yr old home alone for an hour

Ignore your mother. Your son will be off to secondary school soon enough where he will be expected to have a certain degree of independence and, I assume, be travelling back and forth independently, so it's very wise to start giving him some independence and responsibility before that, to prepare him and ease him into it.
And do I understand right that he's not even alone, but with his best friend? So an even gentler start to independence.

My oldest son is 10 and in year 6, he is a very sensible child. He does not really play out and has only ever walked to the shop one minute away without an adult being with him. As he’s due to be attending senior school next year, I want to allow him to become a lot more independent. As I work in the school he currently attends, when school finishes he would usually go to wraparound but have recently started letting him and his best friend leave school together and go to our house. Both my and my friend (mother of sons best friend) were nervous but they’ve been great with it so far. They’re home alone for around 50/60 minutes until I get home from school, which is around the corner so literally a one minute walk.
i was chatting with my mother tonight and she said 10 is still young to be home alone for almost an hour, she seemed really unhappy with the idea of it and now im doubting our decision. Me and my friend are both very anxious about the idea of the kids starting senior school and trying to give them a good level of independence and confidence for them starting. I’m just wondering what everyone else’s thoughts are on this

Not good enough to tell kids to "ignore the doorbell". Have you ever tried ignoring a doorbell? It's especially hard if they press a 2nd time and I would test your kids out a few times first.

Post a notice in the lift???

"Hello strangers here is a public notice to let you know my ten year old is home alone"

That is a mental idea, who knows what sort of people you'd attract with that!

Reliable people are friends and relatives that you know well, not people you've just met!

ajglottli, it's not just urban society: the same is the case in less densely populated rural societies

far further between neighbours in traditional societies in northern Europe/the Arctic

children just have to be taught to be self sufficient from an early age

This is such an important conversation.

In the sort of small, face-to-face communities of Africa where I've lived and researched childhood, this would be a non-starter question because there are always dozens (or even hundreds) of adults and teenagers within view of any child, and nothing disastrous could happen to a 'child left alone' because, in effect, no child is ever alone.

In our contemporary, urban societies, that's far from the case. Urban life has great disadvantages, but you've just hit on one of the major ones: the separation/loneliness factor. Combating the lack of community that characterizes modern life in cities requires major efforts. But it could be worth the effort!

Can you try and find some neighbours with children, to start a cooperative agreement? You can each be available as 'back-up' if need be. Your ten-year-old is also old enough to be able to call such a neighbour, in case of emergency.

How about constructing a list of several reliable neighbours, with their home and mobile phone #s, to leave with your child whenever you leave him alone?

If you don't know any such neighbours--this is a great time to try and find some. Post a notice in a lift? Approach another mum out walking with a pram? Start a neighborhood list-serv?

I've found this thread really useful. My 10 year old (year 6 but youngest in the year) only started walking home this week but started off by meeting him half way and him phoning when he was walking down. I work late on one of the days and he goes to childminders but she was away so I gave him a front door key but left work early but later than i would if i was doing school run and I arrived a couple of minutes after him. He loved the independence. I was a bit worried as have not done it before but after reading these posts think now and again would be ok if I had to work late and it would only be an hour. In September he will be getting the bus to school. Alot of his friends have been walking since year 5 and I know of one that goes home to an empty house for an hour or two most days.

I have started leaving my soon to be 11 yr old twin boys for the odd hour, in prepartion for secondary. They know the rules, have a phone and are absolutely fine.

I used to leave my 10 year old alone for up to 2 hours at a time and phone him regularly. Now he is 11 I don't even think about leaving him for however long I need to be out. We used to have middle schools (that are now school years 5-8). If you were at middle school you sorted your own kit, your own books, did your homework without being asked and walked to school with your friends) If your mum worked you were at home alone for a couple of hours before she got home. My friend and I used to make sodastream eat cake mix during this time! To me middle school age (from year 5) are pretty much independent

Haven't left my 10 yo ds (Y5) yet. Although sit him down with his iPad and I could leave the house without him actually knowing

I do need to start maybe popping to the shops for 10 mins here and there. Build up to longer periods. I can just imagine talking through the rules with him though, we'd probably have a 3 hour discussion about the fire scenario, ds loves to question everything.

daily I totally agree about mobile phones. When I was 12, I would often go out for the whole day with friends and my parents had absolutely no way of contacting me and, if I needed to phone them, I would have to find a phone box. DD is 14 and has been going into central London on her own for the last year. I must admit I would feel uneasy if I had no way of contacting her. As for using a childminder for a 14 year old, words fail me.

What I would say, though, is to keep checking that they remember the safety drills. After I'd been regularly leaving her for short (up to 45 mins) periods for a couple of months, aged 8/9, I asked her to tell me what she'd do if the smoke alarms went off. The correct answer was go straight into the garden with the phone and ring me/call 999 if any smoke or flames visible, and don't stop for any of the animals. Her reply was 'go straight to my room, put the duvet along the bottom of the door and make a rope out of my sheet so I can climb out of the window!'. Er... No!

If she answered the phone to anyone who asked for me, the stock answer was 'she's in the bath, she'll call you back'.

Yes I started leaving DD at 10 at home for short periods e.g. Popping to local shops, collecting another child from school etc. Same as above - clear rules, phone number handy, book or computer game to occupy them. She will be walking to school alone at 11, so I do think you have to start giving them some responsibility now.

Ha!

I was expecting to be in the minority saying that for the average 10 year old, yes I would.

I just really struggle to see the risk in leaving a well behaved 10 year old on the sofa reading a book at home in a safe neighbourhood while I run local errands.

I was babysitting for money at 13. Agree about increased infantilisation of children.

Childminder until 14

Wouldn't that invite teasing/bullying from peers?!?

YANBU

It's good for them too.

Clear rules - no answering phone, door etc. No cooking - even kettle/microwave.

Emergency plan and list of contacts. From when my DD could talk properly, we memorised 3 phone numbers with her and full address. The number of times used over the years is high!

I always used to tell a neighbour or my brother too - I'm a worst case scenario person and always have a 'what if I can't get home' plan.

Reading this has made me realise I baby my almost 10 year old

My ten year old boy is the youngest of three and very much my baby, but I would still do this! Plug him in to Minecraft and he won't move an inch!

Do it!

My ideal has always been that you work up to these things gradually - so you don't just suddenly leave a 10 yr old alone for an hour - you make a judgement. So maybe when they're 9, or whatever, you leave them alone while you nip to the shop for 10mins, or the schoolrun with another child, or to drive dh to the station - that sort of thing. It builds up gradually - that's what I've always done.

Similar to leaving a child in the bath. You don't just suddenly choose a day to disappear and leave them to bathe in private, you work up to it. So when you're confident they won't sink underwater the second you turn your back, you may use bath time to turn your back and clean the sink, or sort some laundry, and then graduate up to putting some clothes away in another room while constantly checking on them, and so on.

The argument .."what if I get run over while I'm out?" always makes me ..would it be better for said child to be with you and get run over too...just saying!

I wouldn't leave my, newly, 10 year old but you know your DC the best to judge the situation.

It is really hard to explain to people accustomed to using mobile phones all the time what life was like for us older parents before....You are never really out of touch with your sensible ten year old as long as you have your phone with you and s/he knows how to reach you. Go through the rules, repetitively, and let her enjoy that blissful half hour of peace after you have left the house.

An hour or two is fine at the age of ten. Can't baby them forever!